They say love is blind, or is it just me?

Part twenty three:

~Bam’s POV~
I don’t cry.. at least, I didn’t.. lately it seems to be all I’m doing. Cassie’s been in there for three days now.. I haven’t been able to drag myself down there yet. Everyone else has been there, but I’m too scared. I hate myself for not going there, I just hope she didn’t forget me.. I was walking down the stairs, on my way to the car to go visit Cassie, when I heard April talking in the living room. "She just said Eva.. I wonder if she just doesn’t remember Ava’s name that well.. " She said to everyone else, they all seemed to listen to every word she said. My eyes went wide. "Cassie? Did she say Eva? " My mind flashed back to the nightmares she had. The song Eva by nightwish.. her funeral.. April nodded. "Yeah.. I asked her what she remembered.. she said a few things, among those was Eva.. do you know what she meant..? " I nodded. "I think so.. I’m at the hospital if you need me.. " I ran out the door quickly and drove away. Maybe it isn’t just the concert that did it. Her mind just only adds the bad things that happened to her.. My face turned into a true smile. The first one in days.. I’m going to make her remember all the good times we had together.. she’s mine, and I’m not going to let her down..

I have to admit, my knees shook when I stepped trough those doors a few feet back. But if I don’t go now.. I’ll only feel more miserable. I took a deep breath and stepped up to the counter. "Eh..hi.. I’m looking for Cassandra Matthews..? " (I don’t know if that was her last name.. I think it was.. XP) The girl looked up and almost toppled over her chair. Great.. I really can’t use this right now.. "Yeah.. ehh.. I’ll look it up for you.. " She stuttered. I rolled my eyes lightly but nodded. "That’s room 277, on the third floor. " She said smiling at me. I nodded politely. "Thanks.. " I walked over to the elevator, practically shot down by the looks she sent to my back. I stepped out on the third floor and already saw the door at the end of the hall. I walked a few steps with my eyes shot. I can’t believe I’m that nervous to talk to her.. she’s cassie.. the girl that I love.. and the girl that loves me. Only she doesn’t remember that.. Shit, this really is going to be difficult..
I pushed the door handle down and heard two voices. A male and Cassie. My hand made a fist around the door handle. That was until I heard what she said. "Do you do that often? Take advantage of people in hospitals? I’m not the type of girl to drop her pants, or hospital gown for that matter just because you woke up today with the feeling you’d pull a smooth one.. " I smirked. Good to know her personality didn’t change with all this problems. The nurse stuttered something and quickly got out of the room. She looked at him leave and automatically met my eyes. "Bam.. " Her mouth formed. Even though she couldn’t see me, she knew I was there.. Tears already sprung to my eyes. But this really was a good start. She knew my name.. and there was a whole lot emotion in that one word.. I’m just hoping it’s a good emotion..

I walked towards her bed. We both didn’t speak. I didn’t even know what to say in the first place. I sat on the edge of her bed and watched her eyes fill with questions. I took a deep breath and started talking. "You know my name.. " I started a little uneasy. She nodded. "How can I not.. you are the one that helped me trough all this. You are my true friend.. " I clenched my fist at the word friend. "That’s not true.. you have all the other guys.. and don’t forget Drea.. " Her head hung low, her voice barely above a whisper. "I know.. it’s just.. I owe you my life.. " I was shocked at her words but decided not to ask to much questions. "Just as much as I owe mine to you.. You don’t remember what happened between us do you..? " I couldn’t help myself.. I just had to know.. She shook her head. "Is it something I did..? " I quickly shook my head. "No, no.. forget it.. I’ll tell you one day. How are you feeling? Physically I mean.. " She shrugged. "It feels okay.. just a bit sore.. Do you know when they will let me go home? " The hope in her eyes was indescribable. I sighed. "I don’t know yet.. they are concerned about your memory loss. You may have to be in here for a while. " A tear escaped her eye. I quickly wiped it away and grabbed her hand. "We’ll all be here to visit you.. someone will come by each day.. " She sighed and turned her head up to face me again. "Bam.. will you do me a favour? " I nodded. "Anything.. " "Will you come by every day? I may not remember everything, but I do know that it improved the last days.. I remember more.. And I also know you are hurting right now. I want you to talk to me about it.. If anyone knows about pain, it should be me right now.. " I swallowed the big lump that formed in my throat. "I will, I promise.. You’ll hear from me every day.. " She nodded and smiled weakly. I just wanted to kiss her so badly. "Good.. " She laid back and close her eyes. "I’ll let you sleep.. " I said stroking her hand again and leaving. I thought I would get better from this.. but I only felt worse. It hurt so much that she saw me as a friend again.. it took way to long for us to finally confess our feelings to each other, and now we’re back to the start again.. it isn’t fair..

I drove back home with tears in my eyes. I called Ville on my cell. "Bam? You alright? " Came his concerned voice over the phone. I shook my head. "Far from it Valo.. I’m nothing more than a friend.. " He sighed. "Bam.. it’s the memory loss.. in time, it will come back to her, you know she doesn’t mean it.. " I inhaled deeply and blinked my tears away, trying to focus on the road. "But what if it doesn’t return Ville? You don’t know how much it hurt back there to hear her say that I was her friend.. She remembered me, that’s a plus.. but as a friend! It hurt so bad to wait all those years, I seriously can’t go trough the same again.. My whole chest feels like it’s being pressed in right now.. it hurts physically.. " It was silent for a second, I heard him talk in the background. "We’ll be there in three days Bam.. I really don’t know what to say to you. Except for the fact that it just takes time. Don’t loose fate by things she says. At the moment she just doesn’t know any better. She needs you to stick with her.. " That’s why I loved this guy.. Even though he didn’t know everything, he still managed to enlighten me with words of wisdom. That’s true friendship to me.. "Thanks Ville.. " I said softly. "Bam..? " He asked. "Yeah? ".. "Hows your heart? " I smiled. The miserable poet in him came out once again. "Honestly..? Currently it’s bleeding in various places. I’m honest. I’ve never believed in it.. but now I do. I truly have a bond with Chase.. " He "Hmm’d" and took a breath. "Just, in the proces of being there for Cassie.. don’t forget to take care of yourself.. okay? " I smiled and nodded. "I won’t.. thanks man.. " He chuckled lightly. "Don’t thank me.. you’d do the same.. I have to go. See you in three days.. " "Yeah, bye.. "

~FF three days~
I’ve visited her every day. With one of the guys or just alone. We talked to her and noticed that she started remembering a little more. But still no sign of our relationship. Me and Dico were driving up the driveway to see a cab unloading some suitcases. I smiled and jumped out. I walked behind Ville and slung my arms around his neck, even though he was quite a few inches bigger than me. He turned around. "Good to see you a little more happy BamBam.. " The others behind him smiled. "I’m just glad you are all here.. " I said truly. They nodded. "We just can’t believe all that had to happen to her.. just when everything seemed to take a turn for the better.. " Burton said scratching his head.. I nodded. "I know, it just not freaking fair.. " My mood clouded again. "But there is a bright side.. She actually feels comfortable around us now and she remembers our jelly adventure! " Dico said happily behind me. A soft smile came over my lips. Her and Dico had wrestled in a baby pool filled with jello a few years back. I think I’ve never seen her laugh that much. And even better, she managed to beat him..

"So can we go to visit her? " linde’s voice shook me out of my thoughts. "Better not..she needs her rest, Dico will take you tomorrow.. " He looked at me weird but nodded. "Aren’t you coming Bam? " Ville asked me as we walked inside. Linde whipped around to face us. "Exactly, that’s what I wanted to know. " I rolled my eyes. "No, you all want to see her, and that will be enough company for her.. I don’t want her to fall back into uneasy behaviour again.. One person more could trigger a relapse. I want her to be better as quickly as possible.. " They all nodded. Dico stayed behind the group with me a little. "Okay.. what was that about? You know just as well as I do that we can take turns inside the room, the doc said so.. Why won’t you go?" I sighed and looked at him. "It’s just.. it wears me out, these visits. It hurts me that I can’t hold her like I used to. That I am the one who, in a way, caused this.. " He sighed. "We don’t know what to tell you anymore Bam.. this really isn’t your fault. It would only be your fault if you planned it, and you obviously didn’t do that.. Please don’t beat yourself up over it.. " He said walking inside. "Easier said than done.. " I mumbled walking after him.

The guys still stood talking in the hall with all the others. "I’ll show you to your rooms guys.. We can drink something after that.. " They all nodded and the crew and Drea disappeared into the pirate bar while I led HIM to their rooms. I went into mine and Chase’s after that. I laid down and put my face in her pillow. As I had done so many of the other nights. Her scent was beginning to fade by now. Maybe I should go tomorrow.. I shook the thought out of my head. I didn’t want her to be freaked out by my behaviour.

~Ville’s POV~
"I hope Bam doesn’t take the drinking as a solution for his feelings.. " I pondered out loud. We were in the piratebar, drinking. Drea spoke up. "He isn’t.. I’m making sure of that. Sure he can drink.. but if he touches more than 5 a day.. I’ll hide it. The guys nodded in agreement. "I know he can drink way more.. but I don’t want him starting to drink away his problems.. " Drea continued. I smiled at her. "I know.. good decision Drea.. " Dico came up behind her and hugged her. "Jep, I snagged a smart one this time! " He said into her shoulder. She licked his ear. I chuckled lightly. They did fit each other.. Bam came down shortly after that. I have to admit he looked a bit better than he had sounded on the phone, but I knew this was tearing him apart.. quickly..

The next morning, Dico drove me and the guys to the hospital. We all walked in silently. I sighed. "Damn guys, we are acting like she’s died. Let’s cheer up a little, for her sake as wel as ours.. " I said motioning to the group with my hands. THey all nodded with small smiled on their faces. "Ville is right.. Cassie needs all the positive energy she can get.. Only, let me go in first.. we forgot to tell her you were coming yesterday.. I don’t want her to be shocked.. " Dico said. We nodded and took place in the seats out side of her room. I looked blankly ahead and waited for Dico to come back out.

~Your POV~
Dico came in again. I smiled. He made me laugh, not the way Bam did though.. Dico was funny. He came over to my bed and pecked me on the cheek. "I brought visitors today.. " He said mischievously. I raised an eyebrow. "Who? " He laughed. "They are with five.. think you can handle it..? " I thought for a moment. "I think I can.. do I know them..? " I asked unsurely. "Yeah.. they are good friends of you.. they all love you very much.. I’ll get them.. " I nodded and waited. "How are you feeling sweetheart..? " A voice suddenly said from besides me. I hadn’t heard anyone come in. I let the voice sink in for a minute.. It was like the songs I listened to on the CD I had here.. My mind searched desperately for a name.. Flashes came back to me. "Nice to meet the subject of Bam’s conversations for the past three weeks.. " The man in front of me chuckled. "You are everything he said you were, I’m Ville.. nice to meet you. " He said giving me a gently hug. I sat up a little straighter. "Ville! " My voice still hadn’t recovered, but it was still pretty loud. He chuckled and I felt two arms around me. I flinched a little, but told myself it was all okay. "Ehh, Cassie? " An other voice came. I smiled. "Don’t worry, I can’t remember one without the others. Hi Lindy.. " I closed my eyes in satisfaction. This was going the right way. The others greeted me.

I rested my head back on the pillow as the guys left. I had friends. I knew I had.. It felt good, but I still felt like Bam was keeping something from me. During the talk with HIM today, I remembered a few more things.. The daily training in the hospital also helped. But I couldn’t seem to figure out what Bam’s problem was, and I was determined on doing it. I felt sleep overtake me. My eyes closed slowly and my breathing became regular.

A chill came over me. A pleasant chill. The feeling of lips on mine caught my attention. I couldn’t reach out for anything though. My body was motionless. The feeling grew stronger before it slowly faded. "I love you Chase.. " Came the voice loud and clear through my head. I shot up straight, Panting heavily. "Bam.. " I spoke out loud.. "I remember.. "