About a Girl

My mind was buzzing. It was literally on fire and going over a hundred things a minute. I was beginning to think that I could not stand a single more day planning this wedding. What happened to my dream of a white dress and tortured bridesmaids and my fiancé waiting? Well, the waiting part is all well and good two months ago I was looking at a wedding that wouldn’t happen for six months, then is got cut down to four and then to three. Now I’m staring I’m staring across the living room – A living room you can’t exactly see, might I add because it’s filled with this and that of wedding things, and I’m scared to death because in eight days I’m getting married to Alex.

My concentrate on the only clear patch of wall was broke when Alex stepped in to my line of sight, “Addie, are you okay? You’ve been staring at the wall for an hour.”

I smiled up at Alex and just shrugged, “I think I’m going go for a walk – I’ll be back in a few. Call me if you or the wedding planner need me for anything.”

Alex kissed my cheek, “Will do.”

One destination in mind, I grabbed the car keys and drove away from the house my mind heavy – the way it always was when I went to Johns Hopkins. I had never stopped coming to visit Will. The doctors, they actually think that my coming to visit him is helping him do better. Brainstem Glioma isn’t exactly treatable they told me – it’s more like… manageable. With the surgery they’ve done and chemo and radiation, Will probably has at least another year to live, maybe. And that’s a strong maybe.

[>>>]

I knocked on Will’s door and walked in with a smile on my face, “Hey Will.”

“Addie, it’s great to see you,” Will sounded so happy. He always sounded happy when I was here. He knew that I was marrying Alex next week – and he knew that I was going crazy planning the wedding. Will knew everything that was going on because what else could we talk about, beside me? The fact that he was lying in a hospital bed with a near inoperable brain tumor and a handful of months to live was never going to change; Will knew that, Will knows that. I know that too – but that doesn’t mean we like it. “How’s Gaskarth?”

“Alex is good, planning most of the wedding for me,” I smiled. Will never talked bad about Alex; though I know he envies him and wishes that he was never in the picture, but nonetheless, he’s glad I have someone that loves me and will be there for me. “How are you Will?

“Let’s not talk about me – you know, you’re just in time for lunch and the nurses love you, so let’s order,” Will hit the call button on his little pad and told the nurse who answered that he would like to order lunch – for two.

I was suspicious instantly; usually Will tells me what the doctor had come in and said that morning – he always tells me, “Will, what’s wrong?”

He shook his frail, bald head, “Nothing, Addie. Do you want a chicken sandwich? You love those and applesauce.”

I started shaking my head. Will was lying to me, and as the nurse came in and took Will’s order for two chicken sandwiches and applesauce – I walked out and looked for Will’s doctor, Dr. Derek Shepherd.

I saw him talking to another doctor and simply walked up to him, “Dr. Shepherd?”

“Uh, yes – you must be William Beckett’s girlfriend?” I just nodded my head; I didn’t exactly care what he thought as long as he told me what I needed to know.

“What’s wrong with him? Something had to have gotten worse because he’s acting strange, Dr. Shepherd, you have to tell me – what’s wrong?”

He sighed. And I could tell right off the bat that it was one of those terrible – I’m going to tell you bad news and you’re going to hate me for it, kind of sighs. I cringed and tried to prepare myself for it, but even as I did that and Dr. Shepherd walked me to a conference room to talk to me alone, which again screamed bad, horrible things were coming this way, I knew I wasn’t going to handle this well.

“The CT scan that we took last night showed that William’s tumors have grown extensively,” As he paused to let the information sink in, I could feel the tears flood my eyes.

“So the chemo and radiation – it’s not working?” He shook his head. “How long does he have?”

“About a week.”

“A week? A week?! You said last week that he had months! Months to live, months to be here with me. You just can’t tell me this and… and… Wait a minute…” It all began to dawn on how perfect this all really was. Will’s tumors enlarging, the timing; it all was just so perfect. I looked at Dr. Derek Shepherd with a smiling tear stained face. “Thank you Doctor.”

I got up and left the conference room and raced back towards Will’s where he was lying there with our chicken sandwiches and applesauce. I just walked in and looked at him and he looked back, “You know, don’t you?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked as I sat down on the bed and held his hand and squeezed it tightly. “You know everything would be okay.”

“What do you mean, ‘okay’? How does my dying in five or six days mean anything is ‘okay’? I just want you to be happy Addie and wouldn’t be happy knowing this,” Will ripped his hand away from mine.

“Okay, one, I would’ve found out eventually and two, don’t you see – we can get married,” I can’t believe I just said it so bluntly. It’s what had been running through my mind and I had wanted to say it so badly and well, there, I said. But now Will’s looking at me like I’m completely psycho. “What?”

“Y-you really want to?” I blushed. I hadn’t seen Will stutter in forever. He shouldn’t be nervous about anything. If there’s one thing he should be, it’s scared. Scared of dying, of the unknown… Of everything.

I smiled and nodded my head, “Will how many times do I have to tell you that I’ll always love you? And I want to see you happy?”

“Especially now, right?” The smile that had eclipsed his face vanished.

“Don’t say that,” I put his hand back in mine.

He should his head, “What about Alex? Your fiancé? The man you’re supposed to be getting married to in eight days?”

My smile remained, “I already thought about that, remember? I’ll still marry Alex in eight days – after you…”

“After I’m dead.”

“Quit being so morbid. Do you want to marry me or not?”

“Of course I do.”

“Well then, let’s get a Justice of the Peace in here so we can sign a few papers,” I stood up and kissed Will’s cheek before I walked out to make a few calls. As I walked outside to make those calls I had to remember to call Alex. He had to be in on this. I knew if I did this without him knowing, he wouldn’t forgive me. Alex may love me but – marrying another man, without him there? That’s just a little too far and beyond the call of love for some people.