Bottom of the Blackest Hole

“What’s wrong with her this time?” I grumbled as Josh climbed back on the bed.

“Her diaper needed a change,” he replied exhaustedly. It’s been a week and a half since I came home. Being a parent is…tiring in so many ways. Especially at nights. Just when you think she’s tucked away and sleeping peacefully, the baby monitor screams at you, telling you that she’s needing something.

At first I was excited to hear her crying at night and going to make her feel better but now it’s just an itsy frustrating. Josh and I took turns going to Leila, tonight was his night.

An hour later, a familiar cry of help echoed the dark, quiet condo room. Josh groaned quietly before getting up sleepily. I snuggled deeper into the sheets and felt weirdly guilty. She cried a lot tonight. He probably went to her twice as much as I did. Sighing deeply, I threw the covers off me.

“It’s okay. Go back to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” but he was already warmly tucked under the covers. I gave out a yawn.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled before drifting away. I yawned again then stretched before paddling over to Leila’s room.

--

Was it me, or did everybody else noticed the little things that Josh did? It might sound just a tad bit weird but lately, I’ve seen him more…clearly. I saw how his eyes would crinkle in an adorable way when he laughed or smile. Or the way he looked at Leila like she was the only gold in the world. Or when he looked and gave me a smile, it would make my heart thump faster and faster. Or how he desperately flicked or flipped his hair but seconds later, they would just wound up near his eyes again. They made me want to run my own hands through his hair. Or when he would look at me, it felt like the whole world didn’t exist. Or how he would bite his lips when he was nervous and nobody noticed this. Except for me of course. Call me stalker-ish, but I’ve been very observant. Obviously.

I squeezed my eyes shut and shuddered uncontrollably when Josh moved and his arms brushed against mine. We finally had some quiet time and we were watching a movie, The Grudge, to be exact. I never personally liked horror movies but I could hardly pay attention to it now that I noticed how close he was. I thought back to when he would put his arms around me because he was paranoid that I might get hurt since I was pregnant. I didn’t feel anything before. What were all these feelings then?

“Scared?” he asked when he noticed I had my eyes close. You have no idea, I thought. I nodded mutely before turning my attention back to the screen.

I stiffened when he began putting his arms around me. He shifted so I was basically lying on top of him. “There. It’s just a movie, though.” I gulped and tried not to feel his breath on my neck. They gave me goose bumps.

“Cold?” Again, I just nodded. He stretched over and draped a blanket over us both.

“You’re quiet,” he commented, rubbing my sides a little. I just shrugged.

“You okay?” I looked up a little to respond to him.

“I’m fine,” I squeaked. I mentally smacked myself. I sounded so high pitched.

He raised an eyebrow and gave me an amused smile. “Okay then.” He tightened his arms around me before turning his eyes back on the TV screen.

--

“Courtney, how do you know when you love someone?” I asked as I folded some of Leila’s clothes. I did it with gentle care. The cute little outfits looked like it could rip so easily. Courtney, who had been playing with her, gave me a smirk.

“Loving someone?” she teased. I snorted.

“Hardly. I’m just curious.” She shrugged but gave me a look.

“How am I supposed to know? Out of the two of us, I thought you’d be the first to know.” I didn’t say anything.

“Bailey, I’m your best friend. I know when you have something on your mind. Just tell me.” And I did. I told her everything.

“Oh my gosh. You are so in love!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands excitedly, making Leila giggle. I used her yellow ducky bib to wipe some drool from her mouth. She giggled more. I kissed her on the cheek, smelling that baby smell.

“I’m not in love, Courtney.” I said a couple of minutes later. I ran my hand gently over Leila’s new born hair. She was starting to grow a lot. They were light brown and felt so soft and silky.

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes. “I gotta go now. I have a date with-” She stopped mid-sentence and looked at me pathetically.

“With who?” I questioned suspiciously.

“Um…”

“Tell me,” I begged.

She groaned. “With David,” she buried her face in her hands, “Don’t judge me!”

I began laughing. “I thought you didn’t like him!” She gave me a helpless look before practically running out the door. I shook my head at her childish behavior.

I began holding Leila up and walking towards her room. It was nap time for her. I placed her in her crib. Her eyes drooped tiredly but she managed to give me a toothless smile, reminding me a little of Josh when he would give me a lazy grin before falling asleep. I turned the baby monitor on then walked out of the room to get some alone ‘me’ time.

An hour later, I was curled up on the couch, reading a book I randomly picked off of Josh’s shelf. Loud banging on the door woke me out of my imagination. I looked at the door warily. I knew it wasn’t Josh. He was out with a new client and would be coming home later. The banging got louder so I got up to open the door.

The sight in front of me was so scary and surprising that I had to cling on the door to keep myself from collapsing. A man in a ripped flannel shirt and old jeans stood in front of me. He had gray curly hair and the evilest eyes. He reeked of alcohol and was holding a beer bottle. I knew who this was.

“…Dad?” I said it so quietly too. He began advancing towards me drinking from the bottle and wiping his lips with his sleeves.

“You fucking ran away from me!” I know he was drunk but he was the most conscious drunk ever. He hardly ever stumbled when he walked or slurred when he talked. I clumsily began to back away with a horror stricken face.

“You think I wouldn’t find you? You little whore!” He raised his free hand up to slap me but I dodge in time.

“Dad, please. Get out,” I whimpered. I don’t even know why I called him ‘Dad’ anymore.

“Don’t you tell me to get out!” I turned around to look for a weapon but just as quickly, he had a fistful of my hair. I screamed but tried not to be loud. I didn’t want to wake up Leila. If he heard her crying, he’d go after her.

He slammed my head on a nearby wall and I groaned out in pain. “For one year, I’ve been looking for you!” I touched the wound of my head fearfully. Just as suspected, red substance covered my fingers.

I got up quickly and was about to run to the kitchen to look for something but he swung me across the room. I hit a painting on the wall and if fell down with a loud ‘crack’. I crawled for safety, leading me to my own bedroom. He followed me, laughing crudely. I threw things at him, trying to hurt him, but he just continued advancing.

He grabbed my face and looked at me, “You think you can run away? You think you can hide from me?” He brought up his foot to kick me but I had run to the closet and shut the door, locking it.

“Get out from there!” He yelled. When I didn’t answer he gave out a dark chuckle, “Fine. Be in there.” I heard scraping sounds and then a ‘thump’ on the door.

Loud crashing noises were soon made and I was freaking out. I was scared for Leila. I pray that she wouldn’t wake up or cry. I was also scared for Josh. If he walked in now, he could get himself killed.

Then, I heard familiar cries. They were Leila’s cries. My eyes widened and I quickly unlocked the door. When I did and tried to open it, the door wouldn’t budge. I began pounding it and screaming.

“Let me out!” I screeched just as Leila’s cries began to grow louder and louder. I heard footsteps walking away and I just knew that he was heading towards her room.

“NO!” I screamed. I slammed myself on the door over and over, tears flowed down my cheeks as I continued to scream and shout.

The cries faded. “No,” I whispered, “No, no, no!” That’s when I pounded so hard on the door I thought I would break. Seconds later, the door swung open. I closed my eyes and began hitting anything that was in contact with me.

“Bailey! Bailey! Open your eyes!” I did, and I saw Josh’s worried, wonderful face. He cupped my cheeks.

“You’re hurt. We have to get to the hospital.” I shook my head frantically.

“Leila,” I said quietly, tears falling down again.

“She’s alright. She’s right here.” She was alright. In fact, she was downright squealing in Josh’s friend’s arms, Jeremy, as he held her.

“He didn’t hurt her,” I said quietly, “He didn’t hurt her.

“Who was that man, Bailey? Did you know him?”

I looked up at him, “He’s my dad,” I whispered, “He’s my dad.”

Josh looked at me with the saddest expression, “Where is he?” I asked.

“He’s on the floor outside. Jeremy knocked him out good.” I breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Are you okay?” he said seriously. I looked at him in the eyes and gave him an honest answer.

“No I’m not okay,” I whimpered, “My dad almost killed my daughter. He broke in and hurt me. He could’ve killed her.” I wiped my tears as they fell unwontedly.

“Sshh,” he kissed me on the lips lightly then hugged me, “It’s gonna be okay.” I buried my face in his neck and cried in the safety of his arms.