Bottom of the Blackest Hole

I threw another piece of bread towards the flock of ducks in front of me. I sighed deeply, taking in the fresh air. It’s been two weeks since the traumatic experience with my dad. I feel a whole lot better. I didn’t know what happened to him though. Josh told me that he went to court last week. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to have to do anything with that man anymore.

I was by myself sitting on the bench in Central Park, feeding ducks. Josh went back to work three days ago after staying by my side for two whole weeks. Leila was over at the in-law’s house. Sofia said she wanted to spend more time with her. I was reluctant at first but gave in soon.

Today was such a nice day. It’s bright and sunny, but the air feels cool. There was a reason I was here, I wanted to figure out my life. I asked myself if I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with Josh. I knew that deep inside that it was a quick yes, but did he want to spend his with me? Our marriage wasn’t even out of love. I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated. I know I felt like there was something special between us, I just wish I knew how he felt.

Just the thought of him not liking me in that way made my heart ache and gave my stomach a weird twist. What was wrong with me? The question of the year.

I glanced at the bench next to me. An old couple sat side by side, staring out at the wonder of the manmade lake. The man had his arms around the woman. Serene looks shadowed over their faces. The man looked at the woman then quickly looked away, the woman did the same. Then she rested her wrinkly cheek on his old shoulder. She opened her mouth, I assumed that she let out a sigh.

Then I realized something. I want that. I want to feel like that when I’m old and wrinkly and gray. I was someone that will let me rest my head on his shoulder just because. I want Josh. My eyes went wide at the thought. But when I went over it, I knew that I really did want him. I got up abruptly, a smile now on my face. The crumbs of the bread fell motionlessly off my lap to the floor.

I love Josh.

I love Josh. The nine months I’ve spent with him has been the most wonderful and greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He’s the only one that made me laughed and cried and annoyed all at the same time. I’ve never felt safer in anyone’s arms than his. I’ve never felt special to anyone before. I never felt this way towards anyone before. I love Josh, I repeated in my head.

And I needed to tell him that. I know that if I don’t tell him now, I’ll never have the nerve to ever. What’s the worst that could happen? He’ll reject me, but what can he do? He was the one that asked me to marry him. He got himself into this mess in the first place…

Before you knew it, I was dashing out off Central Park. I ran across the street, receiving many honking from taxis and cars. Just in five minutes, I stood panting in front of the building. Adrenaline pumped wildly in my veins.

Thomas opened the door for me and gave me a gentle smile.

“Ma’am,” he greeted. I greeted back with a wide grin and a huge hug.

I knew Josh was home by now. If I tell him about how I felt, I’m pretty sure I’ve just been through it all for such a young age. Abusive childhood, running away, and now this, falling in love. I waited impatiently for the elevator. It was just a matter of time.

--

[Josh]

Josh struggled to open the door to his condo room. He bit his lip in concentration at pushing the door open. The woman behind him raked her eyes over his body hungrily. She wanted him so bad.

“There,” he announced when the door opened. She gave him a seductive smile, except he doesn’t see anything to it. Just a smile.

A couple of minutes later, they were sitting on the couch side by side and discussing her opening show. Her previous one has been canceled due to some technical difficulties.

“So I was thinking, around next week, we could-”

“Let’s just relax for a while,” she suggested. She got up and went behind him. She placed her hands on his shoulders and began massaging him. He felt…weird and wrong but didn’t say anything out of politeness. Adrianna took the silence as a good thing and continued on.

And finally she stopped. The man let out a sigh of relief. What a weird moment there.

She sat back down next to him, a little closer than before. She slowly turned her whole body to face him. Her chest pressed against him.

“Um…”

She gave him a sultry smile. He scooted away awkwardly. For someone who was smart, Adrianna didn’t notice the tension in the air. She just thought he was playing hard to get.

The next thing he knows was that she was practically on top of him. She slowly lowered her mouth towards his but he kept pulling back.

“I’m married,” he interjected before her lips could touch his.

“I’m happily married,” he added when she just smirked and continued advancing.

“It’s okay,” she nuzzled her nose against his neck. He let out a shiver of disgust. He brought his own hands up to push her away. “I could keep a secret,” she whispered. Her lips covered his.

He was too shocked to do anything else. The only thing he was even able to think of was: Bailey would never do something like this.

[/Josh]

--

I stared in downright horror at what was in front of me. Josh and Adrianna were kissing. It wasn’t even a simple kiss. She was on top of him. I felt as if the whole outside world stopped moving, and it was just only me watching them. I felt nauseated.

Adrianna’s eyes flickered towards my direction. It was as if her eyes were doing a victory dance at me. Josh must’ve noticed this because he harshly pushed her off and turned around to see me.

His lips were swelled up and pink. His hair was messy. He had on confused/panicked look on his face. Confused my ass.

“Bailey,” he began, “I can explain.”

I let out a shaky scoff, “Are you serious? The most overused line in forever,” I wiped a tear off my face subconsciously. He reached out to me but I flinched away.

“Who am I even kidding?” I said humorlessly, “I knew something like this would’ve happened. I shouldn’t have married you in the first place. Then maybe this wouldn’t happen,” I pointed towards my puffy eyes.

I pulled off the engagement ring and threw it at Adrianna, who squealed in surprise. “Have a nice life,” I said painfully to Josh.

He pulled my arm before I can even take another step. “Wait, Bailey. Please just let me explain.”

“Explain what? Explain to me that Adrianna was the one that got on top of you and kissed you? And that you had nothing to do with it?” He said nothing except staring at me. I bit my lip to prevent myself from breaking down.

“I should’ve seen this coming,” I said. I pushed him off and was about to walk away.

He caught me again. “Bailey,” he started, pain and hope etched his face, “I-”

“I hate you." All hope vanished.

Then I ran off.