You Should Know

“What are you doing? Want to grab some lunch?” Meghan asked me.

“Oh, I’m just sitting in my new office and figuring out what I’ll do to decorate it,” I smiled to myself.

“I’m sure you could put a few of those arrangements Gabe sent you in there,” Meghan laughed.

“I probably could. Meghan, they’re beautiful.”

“I bet. That boy always had good taste. Lunch?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll tell you about the crazy ride home.”

“Sounds good. Can we meet in the middle maybe a little BKLYN Café?”

“Perfect. Noon, okay?” I asked twirling the phone cord around my finger.

“Perfect, see you then,” She said and hung up.

I hung up the phone and went back to checking my e-mail’s and organizing my office.

“Early lunch?” I hear a male voice ask. I looked at the clock on my computer it was only 11 a.m. and then I looked up at my doorway.

“Are you stalking me? What are you doing here?” I asked looking at Jake as he stood in my doorway.

“I’m leaving tomorrow. I wanted to make things okay,” He said as he made his way into my office.

“Jake…” I sighed and shook my head at him. “Don’t come to my work with this.”

“I figured you wouldn’t answer my calls or let me in at your place…” He laughed uneasily.

“Well, you were right. Why are you trying to rectify things so much? I’m dating someone. I’m happy and I’ve put us in the past. What’s done is done and I’m over it. We don’t have to be friends.”

“I know. I get it…I’ll leave you alone. I just wanted to put it behind me.”

“I already have lunch plans,” I was frustrated and frazzled with Jake showing up. I leaned back in my chair.

“Am I too late for dinner?” Jake smiled.

“I think you just need another way to get closure.”

“Okay…I’m sorry,” He sighed defeated.

“Have a safe trip back,” I stood up at my desk and watched him walk out of my office.

“Bye Sadler,” Jake stopped in the doorway and waved.

I just waved at him and then sat back down in my chair. I couldn’t focus at all. I called Meghan immediately.

“Can we do lunch now? Jake just showed up at my work,” I spit out.

“What is he crazy?” She laughed.

“I’ll tell you the story when I get to BKLYN.”

I hung up with her and grabbed my purse and headed out of the office. I got on the subway and was so annoyed. I didn’t want anything to do with him, he really needed to find another way to deal with his guilt. It wasn’t my problem anymore.

“Hey, so sit and dish,” Meghan said as I rushed into the café.

“He was looking for closure for his mistakes because that’s my problem,” I laughed as I sat down across from her.

“Well, what did he want?”

“He wanted to go to lunch to talk. I told him I had plans and then he wanted to go to dinner. Who shows up at someone’s job like that?” I scanned the menu while I ranted like a crazy woman.

“Maybe you should just do it? I mean, it’s a public place. You’re sort of in a relationship…”

“Sort of in a relationship,” I laughed, it was true. There were no labels on Gabe and me. We were just taking it one day at a time.

“I mean, maybe you’ll be less angry about it too?” She commented and we were interrupted by the waiter.

We gave the waiter our order and I just sat and drank my water for a bit. I needed to calm down a bit. I just thought it was ridiculous that he was seeking me out.

“I can’t believe you would suggest I go and hang out with him.”

“I’m just saying, hear him out.”

“Do you think that’s smart?”

“Sadie, you’re not doing anything wrong. Its dinner and you’ll listen to what he has to say and that’s it,” She offered politely.

“I’m gonna just call Gabe and tell him,” I said.

“That’s a good idea. We all need closure in different ways.”

"Okay, I’ll think about it.”

We ate our lunch and talked about work and anything other than Jake. When we finished and parted ways I called Gabe. I wasn’t going to hide anything from him, there wasn’t anything going on, but I didn’t want to keep any secrets. I got his voicemail.

“Hey, it’s me. I don’t really want to leave this on your voicemail, but not sure when you’ll get a chance to call me back. I ran into Jake and he wants me to go to dinner for some sort of closure. I’m going to go, but only so he’ll leave me alone. I hope you have a great show and I’ll talk to you soon,” I said and closed up my phone and then called Jake.

“Hey,” I said nervously when Jake answered his phone.

“Hey.”

“Are you still looking for dinner plans?”

“Definitely, you in?” He asked with relief lacing his voice.

“I guess, but somewhere very public.” I said and waited at the top of the subway entrance.

“Why not Angels and Kings then and your friend can keep an eye on us,” He teased.

“That sounds good, I’ll meet you there at 7.”

“See you at 7,” He said sounding upbeat.

After work I went home and changed into jeans and a t-shirt, nothing fancy for him or Angels and Kings. I ran out the door and Gabe still hadn’t called me back. I was a little nervous he was mad at the message, but was pretty sure he hadn’t even gotten it yet.

“Hi,” I greeted Jake as I sat next to him at the bar.

“I even sat at the bar so we were out in the open,” He smiled.

“Well, we can sit at a table,” I offered, I wasn’t going to discuss our business at the bar, especially with Rob right there either. Not that Rob did know about Jake, but not everyone else did, nor did I care for them to. We moved to a booth in the corner.

“I’ll be right back,” I said and went over to the bar to see Rob.

“Um, hi,” He said in an overly sarcastic manner. Rob was wondering what the fuck was going on.

“Hey, I’m doing it so he can get closure. Meghan made me do it,” I whined.

“Meghan made you do it?” He laughed.

“That’s what you said when you two hooked up too,” I teased.

“Not fair,” He put on a straight and serious face.

“I left Gabe a message. He knows. That’s why we’re here too. Right in the open, you can see what’s happening.”

“Gabe trusts you. I trust you. I hope this helps him get closure,” Rob said patting my hands that I had clasped on the bar.

“Me too because I don’t want him in my life,” I smirked and I went back over to Jake.

“Sorry, I couldn’t just ignore Rob.”

“Of course not,” He smiled. “I didn’t know they didn’t have food here,” He said nervously.

“They do. Rob will take care of us as long as you don’t mind pub fare?”

“You know I don’t care what I eat.”

The waitress came by and grabbed our drink orders and I told her to have Rob put in an order for some food.

“Closure…let’s talk about it,” I finally said instead of beating around the bush.

“I just want to tell my side.”

“I know your side. You told me what happened and in probably too much detail,” I rolled my eyes at him.

“Well, not my reasons,” He took in a deep breath. Jake was really nervous, there were beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Thankfully the waitress came with our drinks and he took a gulp.

“Okay…so, your reasons?” I asked with a smirk trying to make him feel at ease and probably myself too. I was scared to hear what he had to say.

“I know we were only together like two months before I started cheating,” He had a hard time saying he cheated, he stuttered over it. “I know I didn’t say it at the time, but I fell in love with you and I got scared. I thought I wanted to marry you, but it was only two months…I freaked and cheated, but it was only sex, that’s it. I just felt like I needed to slow down my feelings for you,” Jake gulped his beer.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked a little dumbfounded. I just didn’t get the rationale.

“I wanted to marry you and I freaked out because it was so early. I just acted out to suppress it all.”

“You wanted to marry me?” I felt a strange feeling inside me. I felt sorry for him, but I didn’t know why. It was weird hearing someone wanted to marry me. No one has ever wanted to marry me.

“I thought I did. I just was so attracted to you and not just because you’re incredibly gorgeous, but you were this all around great person. I hadn’t met anyone quite like you before. I just, I’m not always the best with communicating how I feel and especially when I know it’s too soon to have such strong feelings for someone. It’ll scare them away,” Jake kept avoiding eye contact and looking into his beer every two seconds, he’d look at me and then his beer and repeat. It wasn’t what I was expecting at all.

“But, cheating would bring me closer to you?” I said sardonically.

“No, but I couldn’t live with myself anymore. I had to be honest.”

“I appreciate that. I really liked you then. You know my story; I hadn’t liked anyone in a long time until I met you. I felt comfortable and let myself go out with you. I don’t know if I was in love with you just yet, but it could have gone down that path…” I tried to take down the hard exterior and not make him so scared. “If you had just told me, we could have worked something out. I just don’t think I’ll ever get the rationale you used to convince yourself cheating would help the situation.”

“I don’t think I actually know how I rationalized it either, but it happened and I’m trying to be better with communicating…that’s why I wanted to talk to you before I left.”

“Well, I hope you get better at communicating. When you find someone it’ll make all the difference,” I smiled at him. Rob brought over our food. I am sure so he could check up on us.

“Bon appetite, guys,” Rob smiled at both of us.

“Thank you, Rob. This is Jake,” I said introducing them to each other.

“It’s nice to meet you, Rob.” Jake said politely shaking Rob’s hand.

“You too. Can I get you guys another round?”

“Yes, please,” I smiled at Rob and he had two beers already on their way to us. He gave me a wink as he went back behind the bar.

“When I saw you last night it was hard. It was harder than I thought it would be.”

“I’m not sure what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, I just wanted to tell you.”

It was a little awkward after that, but we got past it and started talking about life and about work. Jake was on a roll and had landed a huge deal with Karmaloop and a bunch of new bands to wear his clothes. It was pretty exciting. He was really happy for me and my promotion and excited that I was getting what I wanted.

“I should go, I have an early flight tomorrow,” Jake said as he took the tab.

“Here,” I said handing him money for my portion of the bill.

“Put your money away,” He said handing off the bill to the waitress.

“I’m trying, so I’ll just say ‘thank you,’ and still feel guilty,” I laughed.

“You’re welcome. Thank you for meeting with me.”

“You know, we all need closure in different ways and I didn’t want to be a total bitch,” I smiled at him.

“It meant a lot. Thank you,” Jake got up from the table.

“I’m gonna hang out with Rob for a bit, but have a safe trip back,” I said jamming my hands into my back jean pockets.

“Of course. Thanks. Congratulations again,” He smiled and walked pass me. It was a little awkward.

I walked over to the bar and pulled up a stool and waited for Rob to get a break and come over.

“Beer?” He shouted from the other side of the bar. I just nodded with a smile. Rob walked over with my beer.

“Sadler?” I heard from behind me, I turned my body around and it was Jake.

“Hey,” I said wondering why he was back. I could hear Rob set my beer down behind me and his eyes on me. I waited for Jake to say something. “What’s up?” I asked him and then he smashed his lips onto mine. I immediately pushed him off me.

“Jake, what the fuck?” I yelled. “Just leave, just leave,” Is all I could muster and he was shaking his head, most likely at how stupid he just was.

“I’m sorry,” He said and walked back out of the bar.

I turned back to the bar and Rob was there. Hopefully, he saw exactly what happened. I was about to have a panic attack.

“Tell me you saw everything,” I demanded.

“I did and it was awkward,” Rob laughed. “I don’t like seeing you and Gabe kiss let alone you and some weird dude.”

“This really just complicates my life. When I tell Gabe, will you back me up?”

“Of course. You didn’t look like you were the least bit interested in what he had to say all night and he just head butted you,” He laughed.

“I’m gonna vomit,” I said feeling nauseous about the thought of telling Gabe about how Jake kissed me. I could just not say anything, but when you keep secrets they always come back to bight you. “I’m gonna head home,” I sighed getting off my stool.

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Rob smiled and it made me feel a little better, but still like I was going to combust. Hopefully, Gabe would call me back either later tonight or tomorrow. I needed to get it off my chest and with any luck he wouldn’t be mad and know that I was attacked.