We're Going Live

“Is your mum there?” I asked, gritting my teeth. I heard him clear his throat, obviously guessing who it was straight away, “Mikey?” I asked.

“No, she’s not, she’s gone shopping,” he replied, cooing at Charlie for a second who was mumbling to himself.

“Oh…” I began, awkwardly swallowing. I didn’t want to just slam the phone down, he seemed to be working up to saying something, “So? Are you okay?” I asked, my nose scrunching a little.

“No, what about you?” he said casually, I heard him walk up stairs.

“No, yes, the middle, the usual,” I told him, tucking a pillow under my chest and falling silent again. I guessed he was putting Charlie down for bed, “Where’s Donna?” I spoke out loud, not nastily though, just curiously.

“Steve has taken her out,” he said, the floor boards creaking his end, “Where’s Gerard?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, fiddling with the pillow case, “Bar? Pub? Not sure,” I shrugged again, laying my head down so one of my ears was pressed into the pillow.

“You had a fight? So unusual,” he chuckled, not sounding bitter just Mikey-like, it was hard to explain unless you heard it, “Sorry, what was it about?” he asked.

“It wasn’t a fight much. He’ll be fine, when he gets back I’ll talk to him. He’s been wonderful otherwise though, the place we’re at is really nice. Has a balcony and all those kind of perks,” I told him, rolling onto my back. He chuckled and we continued to converse awkwardly. Luckily though it did get easier and soon we found something that wasn’t awkward, like nothing had happened between us.

“No! I did not!” I complained, sitting up in bed, my hair falling in a tangled mess in front of my face.

“You did too! You called the doctor a 'rancid twat', I swear you did. I remember because Steve kept apologizing for everyone you insulted. And you yelled out that you wished men could be the pregnant ones, I remember,” he laughed, the sound of his bed springs creaking as he sat down on what I guessed was his bed.

“I would never call anyone that… you can’t blame me I was giving birth –it hurt a lot. You try it,” I chuckled.

“News flash -I can’t! Other wise I would just to prove to you that it’s not that big of a deal, woman just like the attention,” he laughed, obviously only joking, “That really would be strange if I could give birth. I don’t think I’d want to, sitting there with your legs open letting all those nosy buggers peer in at you,” he said, chuckling after, “Wait, I’m one of those nosy buggers,” he said, a scowl evident in his voice.

“Yes you were, but I was pretty past caring at that point and you could probably tell,” I laughed rolling onto my back. We fell comfortably silent before I began to hear some weird noses on the other line, it sounded like some kind of fabric machine, “What’re you doing?” I asked, my eyebrow crumpling into the middle of my brow.

“Getting undressed,” he laughed, “I’m gonna go for a shower in a second,” he finished. My breath was taken away a little. I scratched the back of my neck and swallowed, my hand falling to the satiny material of my stomach, “Why? What are you doing?” he asked, the sound of him lying back down again filling the phone.

“Just having a lie down,” I replied, my lips turning slowly dryer and my eyes glazing over. I heard him swallow.

“What’re you wearing?” he asked, his voice an eligible croak. Any moron could see where this was going, even if Mikey was trying to make it sound like casual chatter.

“Night shirt,” I muttered, my cheeks brimming with this embarrassed red colour. I knew what he was doing, I didn’t know why I wasn’t stopping him. He obviously wanted me to know, he wasn’t exactly being quiet about it.

“Underwear?” he asked, sounding anything but casual.

“What do you think?” I murmured, feeling to the extreme of embarrassed but flattered at the same time. He replied with a sharp ‘I hope not’ before continuing to murmur dirty complements under his breath, keeping his voice shy and low as if he knew he shouldn’t be saying half the things he was.

I felt like such a big idiot, letting Mikey talk like this. I thought everyone said sex shouldn’t be everything, it just seemed to get away a lot. Mikey was generally shy, tactful, he didn’t seem to have a problem with being vocal. I thought maybe I was just broken, not physically but mentally. Every time Gerard would mention anything like that I would blush like a tomato on fire. I kept my lip buttoned, through the entire time to make sure I didn’t sound like some cheap jerk.

“Ren!” Mikey suddenly said louder, “You still there?”

I jumped, realising I had spaced out for ages, thinking about things that shouldn't matter.

“Yes,” I squeaked, clearing my throat whilst trying to clear mu thoughts.

“D-did I do something wrong? I’m sorry –I shouldn’t have said that. Wait, what’re we doing. I shouldn’t be fucking doing this, shit –Ren what’re we doing?” he persisted, “I shouldn’t be doing this, why am I so fucking stupid?” he muttered, panting a little, “Shit!” he hissed, as if realisation was punching him in the face again, “Will you just goddamn answer me?”

“Sorry?” I asked, my voice coming out squeaky again.

I heard him drop the phone down onto the bed and try to pull his clothes on. I ran my hand through my hair, listening to him throw himself around with getting dressed.

“Shit! Do not tell Gerard!” he suddenly hissed down the receiver, “Promise me! Seriously you have got to promise me you won’t tell!”

“I won’t,” I muttered, he paused dramatically, “I won’t” I said again, “We didn’t even do anything… much,” I told him, gnawing on my bottom lip and clenching my thighs worriedly.

“No much?” Mikey asked, “Not freakin’ much? I just fucking… fucking did myself!” he hissed, “If you could see the state I was in now I’m sure you wouldn’t think it was ‘not much’. For fuck sake why did I do that? Do I have goddamn mental retard-ness! You better have not done anything, keep your hands under a pillow or something. I’m such an idiot. I don’t wanna talk anymore,” he said, all in this big breath before he put the phone down.

I listened to the dialling tone for ages, if any getting even more hot and bothered. That’s probably why I was broken, when I was having sex I needed a dialling tone. I almost laughed. But I didn’t when Gerard shuffled in.