We're Going Live

I nearly shit when he lay down next to me, his eyes wearing dark circles underneath them. It was obvious he had been running his hands through his hair, the locks of dark hair had clumped together. I still had the phone in my hand and my I probably looked like I had run miles with my red cheeks and sweaty hands.

“I get you that hot?” he muttered, I tensed like a taught wire then.

“What?!”

“You,” he stated blankly, pushing his toes against the heel of his boot to make them fall with a thud to the floor, I looked at him like he had asked if I should be shot in the foot, “Forget it,” he muttered, rolling on his side so he was facing towards me, “Okay, so I suspected some kinda of silent treatment but you’re just creeping me out now,” he said, looking away from me.

“You deserve more than silent treatment,” I told him, rolling away from him so my back was facing him. He started playing with my hair, dragging his fingers down each clumped lock to get rid of the knots and tangles. I still stayed still though, playing with the lace on my night gown to avoid his touch. His hand fell down onto my thigh, pushing the material up slowly, “Get off,” I told him stoutly.

His hand left quickly, along with the hand that was tangled in my hair. I nuzzled into my pillow, my shoulders tensing terribly when the phone suddenly rang. Gerard didn’t budge. I sat up and leant over him, trying to wriggle free when he wrapped his arms around my waist, mistaking me getting the phone for me cuddling him.

“Hello?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t Mikey. Of course it was, who else new the number?

“Alright, okay so,” he began, “I’m sorry I put the phone down but I wasn’t wanting to talk to you when I was still all hot up. So, listen, I’m sorry. I should have never started talking like that…” he continued to ramble. I didn’t care though, not one bit because Gerard was listening in. he knew.

He tightened his arms around my waist, pushing his chin onto my shoulder so he could listen in. I opened my mouth, about to tell Mikey I had to go when Gerard shook his head meanfully, a glint of madness flecking his face. I couldn’t even tell Mikey because Gerard would shit, I could tell from the way one of his arms slid from my wait towards my neck, a silent threat.

“-do you think of me?” Mikey ended, “When you’re with him? Do you think of me?” he asked.

“I don’t know. No, sometimes, I don’t know Mikey –I have to go-“ Gerard cut me off by biting my neck harder than necessary, undoubtedly leaving some kind of mark.

“You have to go?” Mikey asked, sounding wounded, “I know I fucked the last time up but I thought I could make up for it… I want you to feel nice. I want you to feel sexy because you are. I don’t want you to feel shy or embarrassed about saying things or bad noises. Because I don’t care. You don’t have to be a ‘Doll’ for me,” Mikey persisted, I felt Gerard’s stomach tense against mine and I started to feel guilty.

Gerard had told me countless times that he was fond of his nickname, he said it summed me up nice.

“Say something,” Gerard ordered in low tone.

“I-I know Mikey. I just… I’m not good at it Mikey. You know –you know that?” I asked, stuttering terribly.

“See this is what I mean! Forget that, forget everything. You’re gorgeous. I know I treat you like a little girl at times but I know in my head that you’re not. Please? I want to do this with you and let you feel comfortable…” he continued to talk, and Gerard leant down, taking me with him whilst he grabbed his sketchbook form the open suitcase. He flipped to the back page and grabbed a pencil, writing a scribbled:
Don’t put the phone down.

“Tell him you want him!” Gerard whispered, “Go on, dirty little sluts like him will go for it,” he whispered.

“-And, in all honesty. You were amazing, I loved every minute of it-“ I interrupted Mikey when Gerard kicked my ankle.

“Mikey stop, I like you alright? I want you.” I muttered, my heart beating and pummelling against my rib cage. Gerard kept writing down everything I should say, his handwriting becoming rigid and shaky like Mikey’s breaths. Gerard kept moving, groaning lightly under his breath, wriggling his hips happily.

“I bet you like being in control don’t you?” Gerard whispered harshly in my other ear, “Because you are a filthy fucking tease, you want to lead my baby brother on as well as me and you like the way we’re both in knots about you,” he hissed as tears fell slowly down my face.

I didn’t call that fair. I wasn’t in control, he was. If I didn’t say what he told me to he’d bite my shoulder or tighten his grip around my collar bones, how was that me being in control? Mikey seemed to be content with everything, oblivious to the fact his brother was conducting the whole conversation.

“Oh god, I wish I was with you now, I wish I could make you feel like everything you’re telling me now,” Mikey ground out. I sobbed lightly, Mikey mistaking for a some kind of pleasure filled grunt. It was anything but. It was like Gerard had wriggled into my brain and my body. I was like his puppet.

His Doll.

Gerard pressed the phone nearer to his ear and buried his face in the crook of my neck, the back of his throat emitting unforced whines, like he couldn’t even stop them.

“Tell him to finish up!” Gerard ordered, drips of sweat making my hair stick to my back. I shook my head, hoping if I stayed quiet enough Mikey would realise something wasn’t right. Gerard cried out desperately, tugging hard on the back of my hair making spindly threads get pinged out painfully. He loosened his arm around my damp waist to undo his belt, forgetting I could now easily mve away form him.

“Enough,” I ground out, wriggling free of Gerard’s grasp and bursting into those wanted tears, “Fucking enough,” I muttered, chucking the phone on the bed whilst curling into myself, pushing my feet up and sobbing into the pillow. I felt stupid, but that was inevitable. I should have just stopped it from the start, but I couldn’t, how was I meant to? I started to worry about what he was going to do now.

“What? Speak to him!” Gerard hissed. Half of me wanting to laugh at his red faced, his jeans down by his ankles and his hand on his hip. The other half of me was burnt shitless, “Do it now!” he spat, chucking the phone at me. I couldn’t talk though, I was snivelling to much, my breath was stuck like eight daggers in my throat. I tried to push the phone away with my foot, only to have Gerard grab it and pulled me along the bed before he shoved the phone to my ear.

“Ren? Hello? Gerard? Is this you? Hello? Ren?” Mikey was yelling form the end of the line. I took in a shaky breath and managed to squeak out a high pitched ‘Hi’, “Oh god, Ren what’s happening? Who’s there, what’s wrong darling? Tell Gerard to fuck off, what’s happening?” he asked in a flourish.

“Doll, you’re such an idiot,” Gerard murmured when I didn’t answer. His hand grabbing the phone and slamming it down before climbing on top of me, “Why? Why do you goddamn do this? Why do you ruin everything?” he spat at me.