We're Going Live

I stared out of the window, the rain making dreary, dribbling marks like tears. Gerard was in the bathroom, showering like usual. I picked at the sparkly grey nail polish on my thumb, chipping it off with my front tooth as Gerard strolled in, a towel wrapped conveniently around his hips. Of course, like usual he was going to work. That’s all he ever did.
-Well that and showering.

“Gerard, why don’t I walk with you to work? I was going to take Charlie out anyways,” I said as he drew his towel off and began rubbing his arms.

“It’s raining Dolly, there’s no need,” he said, chucking his clothes on the bed.

“I don’t mind, I want to walk you. I don’t mind-“ Gerard cut in, leaning over me whilst pecking my top lip, “Don’t try and win me over with kisses because it won’t work,” I told him, cocking my eyebrow but leaning back never the less, “I thought you had to go to work,” I said in a smart ass tone as he pushed up my skirt.

“I do,” he murmured, “I was just sweetening you up,” he grinned, climbing back off me. I rolled my eyes and kicked his thigh playfully whilst he buckled his trousers. I stared at him from my spot on the bed, wandering why he was so un keen on the idea of me walking him to work.

“I worry about you,” I said truthfully, doubtfully staring at his reflection in the mirror. Gerard stopped fiddling with his buttons on his jacket and looked at my own reflection, “You come back so late sometimes,” I murmured, scooting to the edge of the bed so I was closer to him, “I hate not seeing you so much.”

“I hate not seeing you darling,” he said, doing up his belt. He turned around, my eyes sliding to his face. He knelt his knees on the side of my thighs, balancing precariously on the edge of the bed, “I hate it, I really do but work is work. I’m in shit with money right now Doll and with three living in a house… I just need to work,” he said, cupping my face with his hands.

“Can’t I help you? I could get a job after school or-“

“No, no, I want you to stay here, relax and just listen to me when I say I will be back later and we have all the time in the world to be together,” he said, landing a wet kiss on bottom lip.

“All the time in the world until tomorrow, -where you’ll come back a trillion other bruises?” I muttered, not meaning to be so bitchy but wanting him to realise I didn’t like him keeping me in the dark. His warm breath washed over my face for a second, his face turning doubtful.

“Well… we have the night together,” he murmured, “Lie back, I’ll put you to bed and you stay until I get back, alright?” he told me, pushing my shoulders back a little. He put the cushions into the middle of the bed whilst I reluctantly un-did the button on my skirt. I lay back and Gerard slid it down my legs whilst kissing me slowly, obviously trying to get me to stay put, “I want you right here when I get back,” he whispered whilst trailing his finger down my stomach, “And I want to take you right here when I get back,” he grinned against the side of my lip. I blushed deeply and lay back, “Good girl.”

Well obviously I wasn’t going to stay put –I wasn’t that much of a push over.

I lay there like a stone slab until the front door slam, then I jumped up and rammed my skirt back on and skidded down the corridor towards Charlie’s room. I grabbed him up before dashing down stairs, dumping him in his pushchair whilst running into the kitchen. I skidded into the kitchen and flung open the cupboard, searching for the Nutella to keep Charlie occupied and quiet. I found it, along with the front door keys on the counter.

I could see Gerard down the end of the street, he turned right. Whilst pushing the puchchair forward I buckled Charlie in so he wouldn’t slip out and unscrewed the lid from the Nutella. I hoped it would keep Charlie quiet, he’s kick up a fuss if he realised I was following Gee.

I started to worry once we had reached the ‘bad’ part of town, Gerard seemed to know his way around. Charlie started fidgeting so I leant down and pushed my finger into the jar, holding it above his mouth so he’d trust actually eating the Nutella. I wasn’t sure if feeding him chocolate spread was the best of ideas, but it sure did work a treat keeping him occupied.

Once Gerard got to Newark Station he turned left down the alley to the side entrance of a club called ‘Switches’. I knew something was up.

My stomach decided now would be the best time to start straining aggravatedly. I chewed on my thumb nail, only partially comforted by the sound of Charlie murmuring 'Daa' every now again through mouthfuls of chocolate

I hated myself for knowing something was happened. I hated myself for not doing anything.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to take Charlie in there so I turned around and headed left instead, towards Mikey’s house. I started to think of a plan as I got closer, I had no idea what I was going to tell him. I knocked feverishly on his front door, only having to wait a few seconds before he pulled it open, looking flustered.

“Busy?” I asked, taking in his pink cheeks and shaky chest.

“No, no not at all –sit ups,” he chuckled.

“Haven’t got yourself a girl in there then have you?” I joked as he let him in.

“God –no,” he laughed. Leading me into the lounge, “What have you given Charlie? Nutella? What’re you on?” Mikey chuckled, taking the plastic jar from Charlie and wiping his chubby hands with the hem of his Smashing Pumpkins tee.

“Listen Mikey, you wouldn’t mind looking after Charlie for half hour would you?” I asked, dithering by the doorway.

“Why? What are you up to?” he questioned, taking his shirt off completely to sort Charlie out, who had decorated himself with the chocolate spread, looking like he had jumped straight out of Cadbury’s World.

“Just me and Gerard wanted time on our own,” I lied, edging closer towards the door, “So you’re cool with that then?” I asked, Mikey got up, crumpling his shirt up and heading towards the door. He cocked as eyebrow at me and I nibbled on the inside of my lip, “What?” I asked as he closed the door again, standing against hit with his arms crossed alike his legs.

“What’re you really up to?” he asked, I forgot Mikey was so goddamn perceptive.

“Why’d you wanna know? Details? Because I’d say you were quite sick wanting to know the details of your brother’s sex life,” I said smartly, finding it amusing when Mikey rolled his eyes expressively, “So… let me through?” I questioned.

“Oh ha ha!” he said, putting his hands on my shoulders pushing me back, “I don’t believe you’re having sex with my brother. What’re you really doing?” he asked, “Why come for a ten minute walk to my house? I think Gerard could have easily kept his mouth shut,” he said in a smart ass tone.

“Too be honest I would have preferred if he didn’t keep his mouth shut so much,” I sighed.

Mikey’s face softened a little and he let go of my shoulders. I swallowed, realising I was probably going to have to tell him the truth now. Mikey nodded his head towards the lounge and I followed him through.

“I’m guessing we’re not talking about sex anymore,” Mikey chuckled awkwardly as I crossed my legs.

“Nu-uh,” I shook my head and fiddled with a strand of my hair, “Do you think Gerard’s maybe with other woman?” I asked nervously, watching as Mikey’s face paled.