We're Going Live

“No! Of course he’s not Ren. What gave you that idea?” Mikey asked as Charlie started to gurgle in the corridor, obviously pissed off his chocolate and company had been stolen from him. Mikey held up one finger, signally he’d be a second. He came with Charlie, beginning to peel his chocolate caked clothes from him.

“I don’t know… I saw him go into this club, the marks –what else could he be doing?” I sighed, watching as he cleaned Charlie up best he could, “I know I shouldn’t have followed him but I feel so stupid being left in the dark… all the time-“

“-But he’s not having an affair. He loves you, beyond being obsessed. He’s nuts about you,” Mikey said, “Like literally crazy, he would do anything for you,” Mikey said, propping Charlie up on his lap whilst talking.

“I know he loves me,” I mumbled, crossing my legs and flicking my ankle, “But obviously I’m not willing to do some things with him that’d he might want to do and maybe he’s doing that with other women?” I asked, crawling onto the floor with him. Mikey stayed silent, just cleaning Charlie up slowly even though Charlie obviously didn’t really care. I crossed my legs again, wondering if I had just gotten it all wrong. I could have gotten it wrong, it was possible, “Gerard’s definition of love is different to everyone elses.”

“Gerard is different to everyone, period,” Mikey sighed. I nodded and began to gnaw at my thumb nail, an idea suddenly ransacking my brain.

“Why can’t you go and check it out?” I asked, retracting my thumb, “Y’know, like he won’t notice?-“

“Nah, I don’t think so, I don’t work up well in a club –I don’t fit in,” Mikey began, stopping when I shook my head, “Ren, I can’t… stop looking at me like that!” Mikey said, shaking his head.

“Why? What’s the big deal. We can give Charlie to my mum for a couple hours in the evening and then when he goes to,” I stopped and used my fingers for inverted comas, “’Work’, then you can just go in, see what’s happening and come back out again,” I nodded vigorously. Mikey rolled his eyes and sighed, his face obviously showing disdainful worry.

“When?” he asked lowly.

“Uhm… well, I have school tomorrow –but after school? I’ll see you at your house about seven. That’ll give me time to drop Charlie of at my mums,” I told him.

“Seven?” Mikey clarified, I just nodded, giving him another pleading look, “I’m only doing this because I…” he paused, “Because care about you, I’m not happy about you going round Jersey with Charlie at nine pm,” he said, flicking my nose jokingly, “You can sit and watch a bit of TV for a bit if you like, I’m going to take a shower –I’ll give you a lift back after alright?” he asked, I nodded and took the remote, putting Charlie under my arm seeing as he was snivelling sadly from not being able to sleep.

I ended up watching some crappy realty show, y’know? Where they put a load of dumbasses in a house together and hope they fight or kill each other. That kind of show.

“Oh got Ren, you’re kidding me right?” Mikey asked, “How dare you taint my television with channels of shit,” he chuckled, drying his hair off, “Charlie will be okay without a baby seat thing right?”

“Yeah, he doesn’t even have one,” I chuckled, “He’s fine on my lap,” I yawned, getting up and following Mikey out to the front door. The drive back was pretty quiet, mostly on account Mikey had put a C.D on and it was hardly easy to talk whilst Radiohead was blaring, “Thanks for the lift back,” I said as I un-buckled my seatbelt.

“It’s fine, I wouldn’t have let you walk back in the dark on your own anyways,” he smiled, getting out of the car himself to retrieve the pushchair from the back seats. Mikey brought everything in, waiting in the hallway whilst I put Charlie to bed properly with one of Gerard’s old jumpers because I think Gerard said he threw up on his actual blankets, “You’ll be okay until he gets back -yes?” Mikey asked as he got to the doorway.

“Yeah, sure I will,” I told him, “I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I said, leaning back against the wall. Mikey nodded awkwardly, dithering from leaving and staying. He waved lightly and nodded his head.

“Night,” he said, closing the door with a click.

I wondered back up stairs and into Gerard’s room, undressing quickly and sliding back into the spot where Gerard had put me before. I curled up onto my side, nearly drifting off to sleep when Gerard thudded back into the house, having the nosiest shower ever. I was just glad Charlie was too tired to wake up. The weight on the shifted as he slid in, his legs wrapping around my hips.

“You awake?” he whispered. I turned around in his arms, pushing my face into his shoulder, “You stayed where I put you then?” he murmured.