We're Going Live

Gerard thought I was asleep, he always thought I was asleep. I always pretended to be asleep. We’d been out here for three days; I was cold, hungry and in need of a proper toilet. We had both occupied ourselves with sex for the first couple days but then, even Gerard grew tired of it. It was pouring down with rain, each droplet feeling ten times heavier than it probably was. I was curled on one side of the bed, whilst Gerard was sprawled out beside me, singing lightly along to our portable radio.

I moved slightly, pulling the tartan blanket over my shoulders a little more before actually trying to go to sleep. The bed springs creaked as Gerard rolled over, his nose lightly nudging my back.

“Are you asleep?” he murmured, pulling my blanket down at the back and nuzzling his face into the bare skin, “I can’t sleep. Can you wake up?” he asked, I had to chuckle weakly and roll over.

“I was awake anyways,” I murmured, “When can we go home?”

“Not for a while, give another night yeah?” he said, resting his arm on my waist.

“You keep saying that though,” I sighed, tucking my feet under my thighs and staring at him, a waiting yet another answer, “Gee?” I asked, he blinked, jolting out of his own world.

“I know… but. The radio keeps saying things –I don’t wanna risk it,” he said, his forehead creasing momentarily, “Charlie will be fine with my mum. Mikey too, he’s an adult y’know? he can look after himself,” Gerard chuckled, I nodded feebly and pushed my gaze down onto the pillow, “Why’d you wanna see him so bad?” he asked, sounding put out.

“I just want to know he’s okay is all. I friggin’ hate not knowing,” I muttered, sensing that aggravating jealously radiating from Gerard.

“He’s a big boy he can pull up his own trousers,” Gerard clarified, sniffing in a prudish manner. I nodded, not bothering to get in a big debate about trousers and whether Mikey can pull them up or not, “Anyway a trip into the real world would do him some good, get some girls, drink a bit. He seems so obsessed with being skinny and having a six pack but he doesn’t exactly use it for anything does he?” Gerard sighed, his chest lowering with the end of his rant, “I mean, he’s hot? Right? I can’t believe he hasn’t got girls hanging off his dick. I haven’t seen him with a-“

“-Gee, leave him alone,” I sighed, chuckling, “Mikey told me he doesn’t like one night stands because they’re not in the least bit satisfying,” I ended, rolling over with my hand tucked behind my cheek.

“He seemed to find you pretty satisfying,” Gerard murmured, climbing out of the bed. I ignored that, he’d make a big thing out of whatever I said, I could tell he was one of his ‘moods’. I couldn’t blame him though, I felt like going in a mood, “I’m going for a piss,” he muttered, tugging on a pair of jeans and a creased Motorhead shirt.

“Wait a second, don’t go out on your own,” I said, scrabbling up with the blanket still wrapping around me.

“What?” Gerard scoffed, propping a cigarette in his mouth whilst pulling his boots on, “You’re gonna go outside naked? Sheesh, it’s like bloody Adam and Eve scenario,” he grinned, letting his lighter flick over the edge of his cigarette. I dawdled for a second, “Hurry up then!” he laughed, chucking me a white shirt and my boy shorts.

“I thought you didn’t want me to come with,” I said whilst pulling everything on.

“Yeah, I really hate you,” he said sarcastically, helping me out of the hole in the attack roof, “Take my cigarette, I’m gonna burn you by accident other wise,” he chuckled, propping it in the side of my mouth whilst clutching my hands and helping me across because I didn’t have shoes on, “You’re stupid,” he suddenly chuckled.

“Why?” I asked, jumping down to the ground. I hissed under my breath, pulling a rather painful thorn from my foot.

“Because it’s bucketing it down and you’re wearing a white shirt…” he murmured, “It’s just stupid,” he giggled, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“You’re like some horny teenage boy –I thought you came out here to pee?” I asked.

“Did you ever listen in health class, I can’t piss with an erection!” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, get rid of it and go pee, you know we shouldn’t be down here for ages,” I said, leaning against the side of the house and inhaling gently.

“Of course, because that’s easy. What ever, I’ll go jerk off and pee! I am the mastermind!” he announced, stepping carefully through the forest, “You wanna come help me out!” he called from somewhere, the sound of his zipper going. I had to laugh, “Don’t laugh at me!” he yelled, “Just leave me alone with my you-know-what, he doesn’t laugh at me!” Gerard continued to mumble to himself as I scoffed.

I stepped around for a while, chuckling weakly whenever Gerard called out that I still had time to help him out. I covered my chest with my hands, waiting for Gerard to finish up.

“Doll, Doll, Doll, Doll, Dolly babe!” Gerard hissed from behind me, “There’ s some one here! Not the police just… a person! I don’t know!” he whispered, tugging me so I was around the side of the house, “Oh god, I just wanna fucking jack off why did they have to come now? I wanna come now!” he whimpered.

“Gerard shush, later, they’ll go in a minute,” I whispered, pushing him against the side of the house to stop him from trying to move, “Stop it!”

My head was telling me it was just some old wood hiker, but my gut was deliberately trying to make me think other wise. I couldn’t stand the thought of being caught now, after we’d been so careful.

“What? I’m only man, is he gone yet-“ I clamped my hand over his mouth, peering around the edge of the house to see a middle aged back packer trekking out of the forest with a wooden stick, “Oh –come on… him? Him? I’m gonna go and fuck him up-“ I pressed harder, muffling the small chit chatter coming from his lips. I pressed myself up against him as the man walked past, humming The Carpenters under his breath.

We stayed like that for five minutes, listening to the old man fade off into the distance, then I let go off Gerard’s mouth, wanting to knee him the balls for being so uncooperative.

“Gee!”

“What, I get agitated! Now ,I’ll be back in five-“

“-No, Gee, we’re going back, I don’t care if you have to walk around with an erection on your head, we’re going back, kay? Come on!” I whispered, seizing his hand and treading carefully towards the house again, paranoid he had backpacker friends.

“Well fine I’m going to have to do it in there then, you’re so paranoid baby who cares? He wouldn’t have recognised me. Maybe if I got my face out there a little people would just think I was an ordinary guy y’know?” he sighed, shaking his head, “You wanna piggy back?” he finished, letting me wrap my arms around his neck, “I just wanna get back out there,” he sighed.

“I know, I know, give it a couple weeks. Hopefully they’ll give up or something,” I murmured, feeling him drag his hand up and down my thighs. For once I didn’t actually mind he was trying it on.

“I can’t wait until we can go back to normal,” he sighed, dropping back through into out damp attic bedroom. This time, I let him get me down because he seemed to like feeling wanted. I pecked him on the lips, nuzzling into his jaw, “When we do, we’ll buy a new massive house,” he said, kissing back faintly, “With a swimming pool and fucking humongous jacuzzi. And… uhm…” he trailed off, too busy with un buckling his trousers, “I just can’t wait until we get back to normal.”