We're Going Live

I stared at Gerard my heart beating as he tried to calm Mikey down. I was ignoring him after his scene in the wood, I slept in bed with Mikey instead of on the floor with him. I knew he hated it, even if I rolled over so my back was towards Mikey I could see him glaring across the room. I didn’t want to annoy him, it wasn’t even my fault if knee ended up touching Mikey’s leg, he acted like it was the hardest act of cheat ever.

Mikey tossed sideways, the sweat from his back beginning to show through his shirt. Gerard sighed and flapped his hand in a fan motion as to try and cool him down.

“You gotta stop moving around so much,” he said, watching as Mikey groaned, “Ren get out of way why don’t you? You want help and then you just get in my fucking way!” he muttered angrily, shoving me lightly. I rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath, “Mikey, Stay the fuck still!”

“I’m ill, I fucking can’t! I feel like I’ve come down with the fucking flu, but it’s blatantly not the flu because you and Ren don’t have it!” He spat, “I can’t feel my leg either, knee down I can’t feel anything expect for this constant throbbing and my head hurts,” Mikey whimpered.

“Okay, okay,” Gerard muttered, throwing his hand through his hair, “Just try and sleep?” he continued, sitting down on the side of the bed, a look of distress written on his face.

“I’ve tried sleeping!” Mikey protested, “It’s too hot.”

“You’re just not trying hard enough! I’ve given you water…” Gerard began to count things off on his fingers angrily, “Pills, blankets, I’ve let you sleep outside, I’ve let you sleep naked with my girlfriend, I’ve let you throw up in my lap, you’ve woken me up countless times with your stupid dreams-“

“Gerard, please!” I muttered, cutting into his rant, “It’s not his fault! We need to get him to a hospital! What if he’s got tetanus? It’s infected! If that get’s into his blood stream he’s not going to get better! You’re only yelling because you’re still sore about last night, can’t we forget it? When this is all over we can spend as much time as we want with each other.”

“Oh!” Gerard shouted, throwing his hands up in the air, “Well I’m sorry for being upset that you two like your undressed cuddles whilst I’m out getting food! I don’t mind! You’re both sluts anyways!”

Mikey rolled over on the bed, so I pushed Gerard out of the way and crawled up next to him instead, watching worriedly as he started pulling at his clothes to try and cool himself down.

“Mikes, it’s freezing. You’ve got a temperature, you can’t get too cold,” I murmured, pushing the back of my hand to his head, “Un cover the attic door? Just for a little while, you can have the duvet I’ll stay up with him,” I said to Gerard, un tucking myself from the duvet and handing it to him.

I shivered, occasionally letting Mikey use my frosty cold hands as some kind of ice pack. Gerard opened the attic door before curling up in the corner of the attic, only his eyes visible threw the duvet. I got up and grabbed Gerard’s hoody and pulled it over my shoulders to warm myself up. Mikey let out a trembling breath, his good leg kicking for a second.

“Mikey you’re burning up,” I muttered, pressing my hand to his stomach, “I’ll get you a drink-“

“-I don’t want one,” he said, un-buckling his jeans in a dopey manner.

I stared at him. He was covered in goosebumps all though he was sweaty. His cheeks were pale, dark rings surrounding his eyes. Gerard had tried to help at first but then he just seemed to fade out and curl up in the corner, only grunting to my questions.

“Okay, what do you want? Mikes? -Whoa!” I quickly slapped his cheeks, trying to wake him up again, “Mikey, hey –Mikey?” I asked, worry beginning to boil in my stomach. His eyes suddenly flashed back open and rubbed up thumbs under his sweaty eyes, “Stay with me okay?” I said, “Hey Gerard?” I asked, over my shoulder, trying to keep Mikey stable enough to get him cooled down, “Gee come over here!” I called.

Mikey shook his head suddenly as if to wake himself up. I chuckled weakly, unzipping his jeans and tossing them to the far corner of the room. A dribble of sweat fell down his stomach and disappeared under the band of his boxers, making a small spot of the grey material turn a coal grey. Mikey rolled onto his side, his back facing me. I rubbed my arms, looking over my shoulder for a second to see Gerard sitting with his eyes closed, his lips drawn into a tight line whilst his fingers tapped on one of the hardback suitcases.

I crawled off the bed and along the floor towards him, moving my face in front of his so he blinked and jolted back.

“Can you come help me with Mikey?” I asked him, he shook his head, “Why? Gee I really need some help with his leg you know I’m no good at doing it,” I said, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear. He shook me off and crawled away into his corner again.

“Don’t touch me,” he muttered, making pull back a little, “Just get the fuck away from me I don’t want whatever Mikey’s got,” he spat. My mouth dropped open and I raised my eyebrow, unable to even comprehend what he said.

“Gerard….” I began calmly, “Mikey isn’t contagious! He’s ill, it’s his leg you know it is –you’ve seen it,” I said, trying to walk towards him again.

“I said don’t touch me!” he screamed, standing up and pointing at me in an accusing manner, “It’s not his leg –it isn’t!” he continued to bellow.

I managed not to shrink down, although I wanted to, I could almost feel the heat radiating from him.

“Yes it is!” I yelled back, anger boiling in the back of my throat, “He needs to go to hospital Gerard!”

“Oh, what, so if I wasn’t here maybe you and Mikey could happily skip to the magical hospital down the road?” he asked, waving his arms about by his sides like some demented dress wearer, “Oh no I got it!” he screamed, his eyes glassy and his cheeks red, “As soon as I go to go and get help you and Mikey go ride into a fucking sunset in fucking California!” he screamed, coming towards me, “Wait, my mistake maybe you can ride him into a fucking sunset!” he finished, making me tremble at his new found rage.

“What the hell are you talking about? You sleep naked all the time, who goddamn cares? He was sweltering-“

“-Well done baby Mikey!” Gerard yelled, clapping his hands, “You managed to have a wet dream over my girlfriend-“

“-He did not! He had a nightmare you idiot! Are dicks all you think about now!-“

“-Oh yeah babe -twenty four fucking seven! I’m just fucking waiting for Mikey to pass out so I can go bum his up the ass-“

“That’s disgusting –Why’re you even here? You just yell and shout and scream and talk about how horny you are all the time. Guess what? No one cares! I’d rather Mikey get better than have sex with you all the time!-“

“Why don’t I just leave?-“

I was too angry to care what I said then, I felt like pushing his head into a wall. I felt like screaming at him to go and jump off a building. That was all in a heartbeat though, I knew in the back of my mind I didn’t want him to do that.

“-Go on then!” I bellowed turning my back to him. He grabbed the back of my nightdress angrily and pulled my back whilst twisting me round, his face burning with face and tears down his cheeks. He was so angry, I could see it. I could smell it even. He was shaking he was so angry, like a clockwork toy. I had no idea what to say or do. I was scared he was going to yell at me and I was scared he wasn’t.

“You little bitch –after everything I’ve done for you,” he suddenly seethed. He was trembling, his eyes thick, his breathing shallow, his hand beginning to raise above his head. Suddenly he brought his it down on the side of my thigh, the skin on skin contact making a hollow thwack. I could feel the heat radiating through my night dress, out into the open air.

Tears fell down my cheeks, a throbbing sensation growing throughout my leg.

“I hate you!” I cried, not meaning one word of it.

“Yeah well guess what? I hate you too!” he bellowed, lifting his hand again, higher this time.
I screamed beginning to duck only when his hand collided with my jaw bone. This time it felt searing hot, like my skin was slowly being cut open. I couldn’t stand the feel but I didn’t want to bring my hand up because I didn’t want to see Gerard’s face.

Pity suddenly over feel his face, his bottom jaw trembling. He glared at his hand, mouthing the word sorry shakily, like he couldn’t talk.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry Doll, what have I done?” he murmured, kneeling down as tears tumbled down both our cheeks, stinging my hand mark, “I’m sorry!” he sobbed, his face screwed up, “Slap me! Hit me back anywhere! Punch me, Doll please, punch me, anywhere!” he begged, lifting my limp hand hitting at his face pathetically.

“I don’t want to hit you,” I cried as he dropped to his knees, tucking his hair behind his ear, “I don’t want to,” I repeated when he tried to get me to hit him again.

“I’m sorry baby,” he snivelled bringing my nightdress up and kissing the bright red burning mark on my thigh, “I’m so sorry, I don’t hate you, I love you, I love you more than anything,” he murmured, leaving damp, wet kissed up my side and to my cheek where he nuzzled into my jaw, “Bad, bad, bad Gee, I shouldn’t have done that, Bad hand, Bad hands,” he whispered against my lips as he nodded.

“It’s okay,” I murmured, shaking slightly as he brought his hand up and caressed the spot his hand had hit.

“We’ll stop yelling and hitting yeah Doll face?” he sniffed, his voice thick from crying. I nodded into his hand, snivelling under my breath as the throbbing feeling in my thigh and on my cheek began to dull down. He led me down towards his duvet nest in the floor and smiled in a watery way, wrapping the duvet around my shoulders whilst pulling me onto his lap, “I’m sorry Dolly, I’m sorry,” he whispered against my cheek, allowing me to push my face into his shoulder, “Burn them off, bad hands,” he muttered, pushing them under my lap.

“It’s okay,” I sniffed, burying my face in his chest.

“I’m just going crazy in here, I can’t… I can’t think, we’ll take Mikey to a hospital tomorrow okay? We’ll get him better, he’s gonna be fine,” Gerard murmured, stroking the back of my head, “Then… then –I’ll go, then I’ll go, I’ll go away from you and Mikey. And then years later I’ll come back and I’ll see Charlie. Like a fairy tale yeah?” he murmured, kissing my nose.

“I don’t want you to go away,” I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck, “Me and Mikey need you,” I sobbed, wiping my eyes on his shirt.

“No, no, Like a fairy tale see? It always ends happy. Yeah? Stop crying Dolly face… come on. It’ll be like…” he paused, bringing his lips down to my ear, “Once upon a time, back in highschool, there was Beauty and The Beast. And they had their own castle –with the balconies and the white tiger remember? And then…. then one day they have a baby -a really pretty baby boy with dark brown curls who has none of The Beasts nastiness,” Gerard murmured, rubbing his hand up and down my sore thigh, “But then The Beast has to go away to get better for a few years, leaving Beauty with The Beast’s brother, the most intelligent, gorgeous-“

“-No, The Beast doesn’t go away, he stays forever and they all happily every after. The end,” I murmured childishly.

“Hey little miss Dolly cake, I’m the story teller,” he chuckled, tickling my side. I squirmed reluctantly, trying to keep my voice down in case Mikey woke back up, “Shh!” Gerard giggled, pulling the duvet over us, “It’ll just be a few years Doll,” he whispered, suddenly serious again. He hovered over me, his eyes brimming with hot tears again, “A few years without my Doll,” he murmured, wrapping a string of hair around his finger.

“Promise me you won’t go,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck, "You're not bad, it's just your bad half of brain -I need you."

He leant down and pushed his lips against mine, making our legs tangle. He rubbed his big toe against my ankle, continuing to kiss my sore cheek and occasionally my lips.

“Promise Gee?” I asked, feeling him sighing silently against my neck.

“I promise,” he murmured.