We're Going Live

I ran my finger up and down Mikey’s damp prominent spine, swallowing worriedly as he brought his lips down to my hip bone. Nerves pulsed through my tendons, making me twitch occasionally. He pushed my shirt up over my stomach and left a trail of kisses from my hipbone up to my forehead. I was trembling too much to do anything back, although I was liking it. I didn’t even know if I should like it.

Mikey scratched his bare chest worriedly before moving me sideways, so my head had moved from the pillows to the side of the bed. I cocked an eyebrow at him and he bit the inside of his lip.

“I like it this way,” he murmured, his shoulder rising in a small shrug. I was quivering to much to reply. He smiled and leant down, gently pecking my neck whilst pushing his stomach against mine, “Sit up a little,” he said, hooking his arms under my shoulders and unclasping my bra simply. I leant up a little more, taking the chance to kiss his shoulder shyly, flush invading my cheeks as he rid my top layer of clothing.

“Sorry, I’m nervous,” I apologised when I accidently knocked him.

“Don’t be, it’s only me right? Just pretend like we’re playing a video game or something? With less thumbs,” he chuckled, unbuckling his belt.

“A video game?” I asked whilst he tugged his jeans down his thighs, indicating for me to do the same. I cocked my hands in a gun shape and pretended to aim, “Pow,” I mumbled, grinning weakly. Mikey chuckled, taking my wrist softly and kissing the tip of my fingers. He sat up on his knees and flicked his thumbs over the waist band of his boxers, slowly pulling them down. I looked over my shoulder, feeling totally embarrassed with the whole situation.

“Look at me, trust me,” he said, pushing my cheek with his fingers so I was looking at him again. He nudged my legs apart so he was kneeling in between them before he pushed his boxers down, leaving me no air to live on, “Breathe,” Mikey grinned.

“How are you supposed to do that again?” I mumbled, my cheeks tinted a permanent pink. Mikey smiled lightly and chuckled, leaning back down pressing his lips solely to mine. I clenched his shoulders fretfully, shivering when he lay me back down. I stared up at the ceiling, only looking down to assist him with the articles of clothes on my bottom half.

“Relax,” Mikey murmured, trailing his fingers down my stomach, “Like I said before, it’s just me.”

“I know, that’s what I‘m nervous about,” I said, grinning shyly for a second.

My stomach was doing thousands of flips, that dragged down to my thighs and back up again. I didn't know whether it was because it was Mikey, or whether it was because I was pushed out of my comfort zone, only having done the big it with Gee.

“Just pretend I’m that kid from that vampire book everyone likes? I thought everyone found him pretty alright looking,” Mikey grinned, becoming his more ‘Mikey’ self for a second. He pulled my legs towards him and leant down, “Twilight or something?” he murmured quickly pecking my lips.

“I like him better in the Harry Potter movie and I don’t like Twilight,” I intervened, “I like you better than him anyways,” I muttered, “Hey wait a second!” I said, moving away, “I’ve been pregnant once it wasn’t too fun,” I chuckled.

“Oh god, shite sorry, I got caught up in talking about that bloody blonde haired ponce,” he said, leaning back.

After that, everything seemed to be a blur of sweat and movement. The matter seemed sorta –off? It was difficult to explain. Mikey seemed distracted, I had to keep turning his neck back to look at me. I brought my leg around and made his knee buckle so I could turn us over. He stared at me bewilderedly, both his hands coming up to my sides.

“Why’d you keep looking at the cupboard?” I asked.

“I… I… -Ren don’t just stop moving!” he said, sitting up on his elbows, “I’m not looking at the cupboards, I was just… I can’t think straight right now, not in this state -like this. Just, later, please?”

It was quite funny to see Mikey in such a predicament, he couldn’t even resolve it in one sentence.

#

My stomach clenched as I let my shaky hands rest behind his neck, leading him down towards my own neck. He felt so different against me as he rested his body weight against one half of me. He pushed his knee against the mattress and pushed us around until my head was no longer balanced on the pillow but resting on the side of his bed.

I looked at his quizzically, watching as he pushed his glasses up his nose a little. He grinned cautiously and kissed my jaw line, his fingers deftly twisting a lock of hair around his finger. I swallowed and let my head drop back, a minor shuffled breath passing my lips as he kissing the middle of my neck in a wet trail.

“I wasn’t expecting that,” I admitted as he chuckled, his head moving with each kiss. I let my hand fall down his back before my fingers grasped the material of his shirt. I stopped, waiting for him to give me the go ahead.

“Go on, do what you want,” he murmured, right against my ear. He looked up so his eyes fell against mine, “I can take it,” he whispered huskily as his nose nudged against mine, just like Gerard would.

His statement made me blush as he pulled back lightly so his shirt slipped up over his back and towards his neck. He let it slip over his head before he sat back on his knees, his chest moving in sync with his breathing. I felt too vulnerable underneath him, so I sat up on my elbows, just staring at him awkwardly. He let his finger un-wind from my hand before he dragged it down my front and pushed my own shirt, holding the small of my back so I could stay up whilst he pulled it over my head.

“I can’t believe Gerard sometimes,” he muttered, his fingers dragging down my stomach in a swirled pattern. I opened my mouth to say something, only achieving in looking down and staring at our knees. His chin fell back onto my shoulder, “Stay with me forever,” he murmured, unclasping my bra at the back as I peppered his neck in light, but damp, kisses.

“You know I can’t,” I murmured as he dragged his hands up my sides, under my arms, and passed my elbows. His chest was pressed flushed against mine as he twisted out hands together, pushing me back at the same time.

“Yes you can,” he whispered, kissing down my chest, “He doesn’t deserve any of this, you don’t know what he does,” he continued, unbuttoning my jeans and continuing his kiss path, “I’ll be good to you, I won’t ever leave you on your own,” he stopped and rested his chin on my lower stomach, looking up at me through lidded his eyes, “I need you.”

I pulled my hand around his neck and pulled him back up so he was face to face with me against. His hands began to pull at my jeans and I did the same, trying to think of something to say.

“Don’t say anything… you’ll reject me, I know you will,” he muttered, his jeans falling to the floor with a small thud. I nodded lightly and stopped pushing down my trousers, “But it’s okay I get it,” he replied quickly, his lips coming in contact with mine for a second.

“I’m sorry Mikey, I really do love you though. Just not like…”

“I love you too,” he quickly interjected, laying me back, “Let’s keep it at that,” he nodded, leaning back on his knees.

He looked like a rockstar, that’s the first thought that fell to me. He looked so glamorous and untouched. When really his exercising and constant gelling of his hair were just nervous fidgets he had come to own. Another twenty minutes passed by and all Mikey seemed to do was stare directly at his wardrobes, almost like he was unable to look at me for fear that he’d remember who he was with. I didn’t like the fact he wasn’t looking at me, I felt weird like he wasn’t into it at all anymore.
I started to wonder whether it was normal not to look at some one. Gerard’s insistent staring sometimes did start to get a little creepy, but that was just Gerard. I rolled us over suddenly, making his knee buckle so that he landed with a small breath beside me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my hands posed on his chest as he stared at me worriedly, his eyes darting from me to the ceiling, “Come on,” I probed, staying rigidly still as to annoy him, “Tell me.”

“Oh my god, what’re you doing? You can’t just stop!” he protested bitterly, sitting up on his elbows. He tried to kiss me but I pulled back, my lips feeling dry as I stared him down, “I-it’s nothing, can’t you just,” he tensely stopped and flopped back, “Goddamn it move!” he barked. I chuckled lightly, a small teasing smile coming onto my face as I shook my head, “I can’t think like this, just keep going-“

“-I would if you’d just tell me,” I said softly, raising my eyebrow nervously. Mikey sat back up again, his forehead against mine.

“I can’t do anything like this,” he murmured, beginning to tremble beneath me. Just… just later please?”

I nodded, finding it amusing that Mikey couldn’t resolve his problem in one sentence.