We're Going Live

I snuggled under the duvet, wiping the hair that was stuck to my forehead away from my face. I pulled the grey blanket up around my shoulders and under my chin, watching as Mikey got comfy, his arms tucked behind his head.

I did feel guilty, but I tried to ignore it, seeing as I seemed to feel like I came down with a bout of flew if I thought about it.

“It’s late,” I mumbled, pushing my hair back again.

“I know, sorry, I just wanted to make sure you had an okay time, other wise I would have finished quicker,” he murmured, rolling on his side with his hands tucked behind his cheek -like the way little kids sleep.

“I don’t know why you’re apologising, it was nice,” I reassured, moving up so I could move into his chest properly, “I like you Mikey,” I mumbled, feeling him pull his arms round my neck.

“I should think so to,” he chuckled, running his hand through my tangled hair. I chuckled with him, pushing my chin onto his shoulder and hugging into him further, “I know this is just a… one time thing but I do like you a lot y’know?” he murmured, running his fingertips up and down my back. I nodded, that twitching knife of guilt turning in my gut, “But we’re still friends right? Like you’ll still come for me-“ he paused and snorted, “That sounded terrible, I meant you’ll still ask me things? Like ring me up if you want something? Right?”

“You mean annoy you everyday?” I murmured.

“You don’t annoy me, I like it when you ring me –do you want a coffee? I’m kinda thirsty,” Mikey yawned, changing the subject after a few seconds of pause.

“Okay, what is with you and Gerard and coffee?” I chuckled watching as he moved to the end of the bed, re-dressing himself quickly. I rolled over onto my stomach, wincing slightly when the remote control to the television dug into my hip, pressing random buttons in its cause, “What do you like? Sugar? Milk?” Mikey yelled from the kitchen.

“Uhm… both please!” I called, rolling back over whilst fiddling with the buttons on the remote control. Every muscle in my body tensed like a rigid stone when the door suddenly rapped loudly, “Shit,” I muttered, bringing the covers up around my nose again, I pulled them back away when the smell of Mikey wafted through my senses.

I knew it was Gerard, Gerard had this knock. three loud bangs, no more no less, it was just his way of saying it was him.

I heard Mikey open the door and harsh, hush whispers were passed through each other. I recognised him it Gerard straight away, I knew I was right. Quivering tears fell down my cheeks and I buried my face in one of the pillows, holding the scream I wanted to let in the back of my throat.

“Dolly?” Gerard called, the bedroom door opening, “Dolly, come on –up- get up, get dressed,” Gerard ordered, giving me a hefty slap on the thigh, the type you’d give a dog or a horse if it were in your way. I couldn’t understand why he was being so calm about all this. I lifted my head my jaw shaking as Gerard yanked my underwear up my legs.

“Gerard –I,” I began, only to have him ram my shirt back over my head. I squirmed slightly, pushing my arms through. Mikey just stood there, looking like a confused goldfish.

“Gee, I don’t understand,” Mikey began, turning on his bedroom light.

I watched as Gerard strolled over to Mikey’s wardrobe and yanked something out. He brought it out and held it in front of my face. It looked like a black pen, with a small glass ball at the end of it. I wriggled my shoulder uncomfortably, glancing at Mikey who was looking even more confused than me. I then looked back at Gerard, who was now staring at Mikey apologetically.

“Sorry,” Gerard swallowed, staring directly into his brother’s eyes, “I really am,” he seemed to be talking about something I didn’t even know about.

“Gerard, what’re you talking about?” Mikey asked.

“Doll, he filmed you,” Gerard said turning back to me, “It’s a camera see, he filmed you. I forgive you for having sex with him though, I do, I know I haven’t time to appreciate you properly,” he murmured, twirling a piece of my hair around his finger, “I know you probably just wanted a man to, love you properly, but he filmed you,” Gerard persisted.

He sat on the edge of the bed, watching me crumple in my own skin. It felt like my skeleten was still intact but all my guts and insides seemed to swarming like infected bees.

“How’d…” I began, “I don’t believe you, Mikey wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t,” I shook my head unsurely, “Mikey?” I asked depserately, tears tumbling down my face and collecting at my top lip.

“I didn’t do it! He did!” Mikey roared, his own face seeming to have that dead set look, “All for his fucking job! He’s a-“

“Don’t fucking lie!” Gerard yelled back, leaning over me and grabbing the television controller, “You don’t fucking believe me? Look what he’s been watching Doll! Look at it!” Gerard commanded.

A quick glance at Mikey sent me into this horrilble fit of un even tears. Just that quick glance. He was standing, his feet turned in and his eyebrows furrowed. His glasses were wonky from ramming them on quickly and his lips were drawn into a sharp line.

I let a wheezy sob pass through my throat when Gerard turned on the television, images of that horrible drunken night falling haphazardly to my eyes. Gerard sat down beside me and wound his arms around my shoulders. Mikey had set me up, set me up like some stupid skanky whore. I shook in Gerard’s arm, sobbing horribly into his neck.

“I didn’t do that Gerard you fucking liar!” Mikey cried, “I don’t know why I kept that DVD –I’m just a goddamn guy!” he yelled.

“Come on Doll, we’re getting out of here."