I've Got Your Mixed Tape In My Walkman

"Fucked up" Brian mumbled.

It maybe weird but thats the only way we can describe each story. There all fucked up.

"How many do we have left?" Johnny asked.

"Seven." Zack mumbled staring at the tapes. He threw Matt tape number four and he placed it into the stereo.

"That means there are three other people besides us left." Johnny thought out loud.

I wonder who's next.

How many of you remember the Oh My Dollar Valentines?

How many of us would rather forget?

Fun Right?

I mean you spend your second hour filling out a survey, that matches you to five different students of the opposite sex that are supposed to be "connected" to you. And of course all the proceeds go to a worthy cause.

Cheer Camp.

Cheer Camp.

I remember filling one of those out I think I used a fake name, something like Seamore Harry Butts or something like that.

The idea was to spend as much time you could on the survey so you could miss that day's second hour lecher.

And of course I filled one out. Why not? Ive always been a sucker for surveys so why not fill one out and see who I get "Connected" with.

So when I went to pick mine up after school I handed it to Jessica Rivera. She smiled at me and asked for my name and grade.

"Lily Baker, Sophomore." I told her.

She looked at me for a second and gave me one of the fakest smiles ever.

"Here you go Lily." she said and handed me my paper. I opened it up and she looked over my shoulder trying to read it. Personal space much?

That sounds just like Jessica.

"Get anyone special?" she asked me.

I smiled and shook my head "No."

The truth was there was someone I really wanted but I didn't get him.

And I'm not going to say who...yet.

Hm, now that I think about it last year when I picked mine up I got Lily as one of my choices. I remember being overly happy about it. But me being me, I didn't do anything about it.

And this is were my cellphone rang.

I picked it up greeting the person on the other end.

"Hey Lily." the voice said. It was a male that was about all that I could tell.

"Um hi?' I said not knowing who this was. "Who is this?'

"A surprise" he said. "Did you get your My Dollar Valentine?" he asked me.

"Yeah." I said timidly.

"So did I. And guess what Lily your on it."

I smiled brightly and looked at Jessica who was listening in on my conversation.

"So why did you call?"

"Well I thought I'd take my number one out to get ice cream." he told me

Jessica's mouth dropped and she clapped her hands telling me to say yes.

So I did.

So Matt, Brian, or Jimmy? Which one of you are squirming in your seats now?"

I looked over at Matt he was looking at Brian weirdly. I knew it wasn't me and judging by Matt's face it wasn't him.

Hmm lets fastforward.

And then she laughed.

This is so funny.

We can fast foward, rewind, stop, or pause these tapes but in life, in my life, I was never given that chance. I was only able to press play.

She was right.

You cant stop the future, You cant rewind the past. And now the only way we can know why Lily ended her life, is if we press play.

Anyways....

I told you yes and you decided why don't we meet at Coldstone in an hour.

So, lets get one thing straight here guys. I had no idea who this was. But that was because they didn't use their own phone. Now, didn't they?

When I entered Coldstone, I knew my mystery guy wasn't there yet. The only people there was a mom and her three children and an elder couple.

So I waited. And waited.

And I think you get it. He didn't show up.

I was about to leave, thinking I was completely stood up and it was nothing but a joke until you came in.

So who came in?

Jimmy?

No.

Matt?

No.

Brian?

Brain stood her up.

"Bitch mother fucker." Zacky snapped glaring at Brian.

Brian's face was as white as a ghost. "I didn't know she knew."

What? She didn't know then why-

Yep! Brian you walked in.

I smiled at you and said "Hey Brian."

You gave me that dumb smirk and said "Hey Lily"

Mhmm and thats when I knew you called me. The voice in my head matched yours and thats when I knew it was you.

So why did you stand me up Brian?

I really wanted to know.

"I wanted an easy fuck.

"What!" Zack snapped and jumped up.

Was it because you had something else to do? Or better yet someone?

Lets go with the second part of that question.

Remember who you walked in with.

"Brittany Miller" he whispered.

I stared at him in shock. The time made since he started dating her around then but why did he do this to her, to Lily.

Brittany Miller was clinging to your arm like a leech.

Of course you didn't know my past with Brittany. And you didn't know, that I knew you called me.

So Brian. Why did you call me?

And why, did you take Brittany to Coldstone knowing I would be there also?

Cause to me none of this is making sense.

You ask and stand up one date to bring another date to the same place.

"I wanted to make sure Lily wasn't still waiting for me." Brian grumbled.

Well Brian you didn't know, that your actions caused me pain. And it wasn't emotional pain anymore. It became physical.

What are you talking about Lily.

Brian's eyes went wide with sadness and his face went paler.

This was the night I went home and took a shower.

This was the night I took a shower in burning hot water.

This was the night, I made my pain physical.

This was the night, when people should of took notice in my changing behavior.

This was the night I began to fall apart.

This was the night, I realized no one cared.

This was what I called My St. Valentine Massacre.

"Oh my God." Val cried in Matt's chest.

Why couldn't anyone see?

"What is wrong with us?" I asked out loud.

"She spent about a year like this." Zack broke down placing his face in his hands. "God fucking dammint!" he screamed.

It sucks knowing we could of saved Lily, if we would've saw the real Lily.