What Happens Under The Sun

After my little incident with Derek the other day, I felt bad. I hadn't meant –or wanted- to give him the cheek, but it had happened anyway. I called him the next day and asked if he wanted to go out, hoping that he would say yes and I'd get another shot at that goodnight kiss.

Thankfully, he said yes. It didn't seem like he had any hard feelings about the night before and when he leaned in to kiss me that night, I made the most of it.

''This was really fun.'' I told Derek.

''I like hanging out with you Kate.'' He said with a smile that could melt an iceberg.

''Me too.'' I replied.

Derek leaned forward like he had the night before and this time, I made sure that the only thing his lips made contact with were mine.

When we kissed, it was electric. The feeling of his lips on mine sent a million different emotions coursing through me.

Normally I would have pulled away after a few seconds, but the feeling was too intense to let go. I leaned slightly into him and one of his hands fell to my waist. Before I realized I was doing it, I ran my tongue over his bottom lip and he quickly opened his mouth to let me in.

Kissing Derek was so new, so different, so exciting. I couldn't believe I was actually standing here making out with him when I'd barely known him for a week, but I'd done worse.

It had been a couple of days since then and I'd talked to Derek a few times on the phone. There was just something about him, an air about him that made me feel safe with him, like he couldn't hurt me.

Tom's name had only made it into my mind once or twice over the past few days and I was rather proud of myself. Sure it was great to go and see him when I was feeling needy, but now that I had Derek to dream about –even though we'd never slept together- I just wasn't feeling needy.

I had wondered though, how Tom was dealing with my not being there, but then decided not to kid myself. He was probably screwing a different girl every other night and didn't give two shits about whether I came back or not.

But I also wondered how he would react to the face that I'd virtually replaced him with Derek. Would he be upset? Would he not care? Would he be heartbroken? Scratch that last. He had to have feelings for me before he could be heart broken that I was seeing someone else.

But what if, part of me thought. What is he wasn't screwing someone new every other night? What if he was waiting for me to show up at his apartment one night, ready and willing? No, Tom wouldn't do that. He might explode.

''But what if!'' part of me demanded and I quickly silenced that voice.

''Come on! I want to start!'' Jessica called from the living room.

''Coming!'' I replied, grabbing a shirt from my pajama drawer and throwing it on.

''Finally!'' Jessica said when I joined her on the couch.

''Where'd you get that?'' she asked, looking at my shirt.

I'd only noticed now that the shirt I had put on was the one of Tom's that I'd ''held on to for him''. I folded my arms over my chest as if trying to hide it from her and shrugged.

''Beats me.'' I lied.

''That thing's huge! Did you rob a sumo wrestler?'' she asked and I laughed.

''Yea, I snuck in while he was sleeping.''

''But seriously, who do we know that wears clothes that- oh Kate, that isn't?'' she asked and I could practically see the light bulb above her head come on.

''No.'' I lied again.

''It is! You're wearing his shirt!'' she accused.

''Where'd you get it? I thought you hadn't been over there in like a week? Or was he here?''

''I found it in my suitcase the other day and decided that he probably wouldn't appreciate me throwing his stuff out.'' I told her.

''And it just happened to end up in your drawer?'' she asked.

''Jessica, can we just watch this movie and leave my wardrobe alone?''

''Fine, but I'm just saying that you don't exactly seem as detached from him as you say you are.'' She said.

''And what's that supposed to mean?'' I asked.

''It just means that you say you feel nothing for him, but here you are, wearing his shirt and lying about it. Think about it from where I'm sitting Kate.'' She said.

I didn't give her a reply, I didn't have one. I simply sighed and played the movie. She didn't press the matter though. I loved that about Jessica, she knew when to let something drop.

She had a point though, and that was one thing that –as much as I wanted to- I couldn't deny.