Why Would He Believe in Me?

He pull’s away, a wide…almost smirk on his face. My stomach flutters with butterflies.

“Lets go get our hot chocolates then” He grins to me.

I shake my head. “I’d rather just go home.” I grumble.

My stomach threatened to throw the sweet liquid back up as I tried to swallow the cocoa. I felt sick. I hurried all the way back to the cabin. My legs were stiff in the cold, not to mention cramping up from all the ‘skating’. I’d managed to push all the pain to the back of my mind, the only thing I was thinking of was getting back to the cabin and away from the awkwardness Oliver created for me. It didn’t help that he had decided to go really slow. And stop every so often to look at the ‘pretty nature’. Or that every time we passed a bench (not very often, but still) he had to sit on it, or write his name in the snow on it. Or tie his shoe!
Even with all his delaying, I managed to get us back within half an hour. By now it was pitch black outside. As soon as I got in the door I went straight up to my bed. I was busting for a pee but I didn’t go. I was to cold to even change.
As soon as I got into bed, I pulled the quilt tightly around body, and pulled my knees up to my chin. I stayed this way long into the night. I heard the other three occupants of the room come up to bed, short intervals between each.
None of them spoke, none of them made enough noise to make me more aware of their presences. I just lay there, huddled and frozen, thinking. Thinking about Oliver. Thinking about Tom. Racked with confusion. Stuffed with guilt.

It was one of those nights that doesn’t refresh you at all. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I never consciously fell asleep. It didn’t fell like I ever was, but I must of because one minute it was dark, the next it was light.
Still, I stayed in bed long after I noticed the light. Long after my other three roomies left to face the big wide world. The world that just seemed to much for me to face at the moment. All night, and all morning the same question kept running through my head:
‘Why did I come here?’
Followed by:
‘How can I get home?’
But I couldn’t think of any viable excuse. Or at least not one that people would accept. I knew most of them were not that bothered about my presence, and wouldn’t bat an eyelash if I left but even though she was fitting in nicely, I didn’t think Shayleigh would appreciate being left, the only girl. And also, I didn’t want to hurt Tom’s feelings. But maybe it was too late for that? I wondered if he would talk to me? Maybe he wouldn’t care? Pahh, doubt it.

I don’t know what made me decide to finally leave the comfort of my bed. I guess I just got too bored. By side was aching from laying on it for so long. I’d probably been in bed well over twelve hours. What a waste of life. Sums me up well. Waste of space, waste of breath. Just a waste. I was so miserable, for know real reason. I had it good, I knew that. I was just too self pitying.
That made me think. I must be a real drag to have around? And then, I suddenly felt bad. For my friends. For Shayleigh. And for Tom, for all the years he listened to me moan and bit his tongue.

Maybe he truly was everything Oliver wasn’t. Charming, sweet, kind, thoughtful. He always put others first. But Oliver just had such a charm about him. And air. He just called to me.

‘The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang’. <3