soapy's and CharmedLuna's owns dont's on smut writing - Comments

This should be stickied.

Thank God someone said it. I've never read 50 Shades but I heard some passages on t.v./internet/radio and it sounds so clunky and weird. I'm glad that someone gave some good advice.

I loved this simply because it was fucking hilarious! Also the whole "smacks of truth" thing, whatever.

Not gonna lie, I definitely need to switch up my "pussy/cock" usages. I change it wherever possible, but y'know. Ya do what ya can. Thank god for incognito windows. TO GOOGLE WE GO!

ahahaha. #4. Not my thang, tbh, but even I know ya really need lubelube and more lube before you just do it. I recently called out an author who was fond of having her characters use spit, vaginal secretions, or nuffin' at all. And on a character who was, let us say, not experienced in backdoor play. I don't care if it's 'just' a finger, I'm pretty sure that a finger shoved in with just spit isn't going to be super comfy for the inexperienced.

and 5 - I gotta correct you here. OMG, ladies, ladies, ladies! Do not shave your vaginas! If you must, shave your mons venus, even the exterior of your labia majora if you desire but leave your vagina alone. The vagina is the internal structure of the female sex organs. The external sexual organs of the female are the vulva, NOT the vagina. I'm sorry, maybe I'm a cranky bitch but learn (if not love) the proper terminology for your own sexual organs. They truly are fairly unattractive words, yes, but there should be no shame in knowing or using these words as they are proper words (lookin' at you, ma, who was audibly shocked when I called a vulva a vulva - it ain't no pink taco or tutu or other fake crapass word). So, yeah, no shaving of vaginas. Razors should not go there. That would hurt. A lot. Don't do it. Don't even think about it. I prefer waxing if one must depilate the external personal nether bits but leave that thar vagina alone!

And yeah. I know women whose BFs or spouses or whatever insist on the smooth look. And that kinda creeps me out. Because there's very little difference except in size between a fully depilated vulva of a 25 year old woman and that of a pre-pubescent girl as you say. And if that's what sexually excites a guy? Creeeeeeeepy. Now, as an occasional change in personal landscaoing, that can be fun for both parties, sure. And also I am sad that some women feel they cannot be clean or sexy unless they're hairless. We don't need to look like porn stars to be attractive. We shouldn't want to look like porn stars, IMO. And when you get right down to it, humans are mammals. Mammalian animals. Mammals have hair or fur. It's one of those mammal things. There's nothing wrong or shameful in having hair there.

This is great! And Funny! I've read a few " love holes" before lol. I've also seen it called " the special place" what the hell? haha

People actually call them love holes? I've never heard that, thank god.

People also need to consider relaxing time between orgasms for guys. Most guys can't orgasm twice or need about 30 mins to even get hard again (I read that i my psych book).

And be ridiculously tight after crazy amounts of sex? If you really fucking someone "long and thick" for hours on end for days at a time, that will loosen you up.

THANK FUCKING GOD FOR YOU TWO!
Though the vagina thing? Well, i like shaving mine, i like doing different shaving styles. I find it funny, but then again I am immature. (ish)
Love holes? People call them that? Also the pussy thing. use once, okay that's fine. Twice? Eh... Three times? Oh for the love of god! Call it, Sheath, Vagina, entrance and so on. Love hole makes you sound a inexperienced writer, and all racy writers need to know at least something! (Thank god I do, because that would have been hypocritical.)
The tongue reaching the G-Spot thing... I can't even.... Seriously people? Have you ever had a guys tongue reach inside you that far? He's a human, not a giraffe!
Anal... Ew.
Long and thick, Lol, please. The National average is 4.5 on non-erect. It won't be a fucking mammoth penis, people.
Fifty Shades of Grey bored me to sleep, he came after three lines of sex scene for god sake.
I am defiantly buying these authors books....
*Whistles, innocently*
THANKS GUYS XD

I don't think I've ever read a story where they called a vagina a "love hole" but that made me laugh my ass off. I don't think I've mentioned in the few smut stories/chapters I have written that I mention if they're shaved or not but I can't remember off the top of my head. I will admit with the only slash scene I've done so far, I am guilty of the "no lube" thing but it was also my first time writing a scene like that so I didn't really know better. Now I do. This blog gives good advice. Thanks for that :)

if he doesn't like it he can get the fuck out and go fuck a vagina that looks like a 6 year olds.
crying.

this is the best lol.

I have never read a story where a vagina was called a 'love hole' and I hope I never have to.

The delete your history part all the time made me laugh. I have to do that too, but for other reasons. I think if the police ever searched my history I'd be arrested for conspiracy to commit murder, haha.

Oh hell, you ladies are awesome! Seriously I laughed thru this whole thing. A "love hole"?! Really people!? Lol and the whole Anal bit. Couldn't agree more. Thanks for this! Seriously:D. And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that was irritated with 50 shades! I found him pretty lame as a Dom and honestly all i wanted to do while i read those books was just hog tie the chick and poked her with a sharp stick for entertainment.

"...and then delete your history." LOL

Thanks for the advice

This is good advice. Thanks. :)

And Gena Showalter's books are amazing.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

someone said "love hole?" LOL oh my god. i can't handle that. that is TOO much. i do agree with everything you've said.

the only other thing i can think of is: PEOPLE REREAD YOUR CHAPTERS BEFORE YOU PUBLISH THEM. i am guilty of this as well. but there are some embarrassing typos that i have come across recently. like... come on, y'all.

I have to laugh and agree on the Fifty Shades comment. I read the books thinking I could get inspired to write better smut and then I realized that I sort of already do write better smut than that. My biggest thing in those series was the author referred to ana's Vag as "my sex" I don't know about anyone else here, but I thought that was retarded.

Then I read through the comments and I Just have to at even thinking about people using "Love hole" "Quivering Vagina" etc.

Before I ramble on, I'm just going to say that this blog is perfect and so true.

Love hole
It's actually sad that I know pretty much exactly which story this references

i've tried the whole smut thing in some of the chapters of my stories and as far as i know...i've never used "love hole" as a vag descriptive....i think i would have kicked myself if i did do that....but i read a smut the other day and i swear i read "quivering ovaries" and closed that tab right away...
this blog entry had me in stitches (it was informative too) and i agree with the delete your history part....avoid awkward questions later on in life....

Oh my god! I died reading this, but shaving your vag is bad? Lol, TMI but I like shaving it entirely...but not all the time.

Thanks for the info xD