I was eight years old when I decided that I was going to be an author.
In third grade, my teacher had us all write short stories. Pretty sure mine was about me acquiring a pet panda bear and everybody being jealous of me and loving me and my panda. Our teacher had these hard back books of white, filled with unlined, crisp white pages. And I just knew.
From that point on, I was enamored. I was not a well liked girl; I was, admittedly, loud, annoying, self-centered and egotistical. Transforming myself and my life was far easier when done on paper through pen. My teacher urged me to write and I did. There was a story about my Christmas (and it was awfully dry), a story about a secret valentine. Such silly stuff. Our teacher's aid typed them up for me on a type writer and I illustrated them. Then, my teacher turned around and "sold" these terrible little books to my classmates for the play money we used. Looking back, I can't believe that anyone would have bought them. To this day, I still own all the terrible stories - I just cannot reread them else my stomach churns. xD
I know a lot of people say that writing is their life, is their relief, saved them, etc. etc. But I write because it's what I do, what I'm good at, what I know. My whole life, I've been too clumsy and unaesthetic for sports, I can't carry a tune in a bucket, my rhythm is terrible, thus I cannot play instruments, or dance. A fear of audiences prevented me from acting and a low self-esteem kept me away from debate. Honestly, all I've ever known is writing. If it wasn't a story or a poem or a silly novelette, it was a diary, a journal, my thoughts.
In sixth grade I wrote a "thriller" about a girl who was kidnapped when she was young and found her family on t.v. My friend would sit with me every day in homeroom, watching as I wrote it, waiting to read the next part. The story was probably stupid and very badly thought out, but I loved that. Deep down, I adored knowing that someone was reading and loved my words. That was also the year I decided I wanted to be a journalist.
As I grew older, I let fewer and fewer people read my writing, especially my parents, for which they taunted me. Dad would scoff about my need for more notebooks, with scathing remarks such as "what? So you can write more stories that no one can read?" I just never had the confidence; no matter how much I like a piece of work, I fear it will never be up to their standards, that they will find it silly and petty and think that I could use my talents in better ways.
Yes, writing accompanied me while I was lonely and taught me to create amazing characters. Often, my plots are weak and I would lose interest, but it has always been there for me. :]
To this day, I am now a journalist and I'm currently working on a novel. Writing is a hobby, but for most of us, it is a way of life. And I've finally let my parents in on my writing. :]
September 7th, 2009 at 12:51am