What Had Happened Was...

see, what had happened was, i was hanging out with my best friend and i dared her to kiss some guy we go to school with. and then she got sick. i figured it was my fault, so i brought her some soup, and she got me sick.

how come you're naked?

Well what had happened was, I was out for my jog and it was like 100 degrees so I took off my jacket and my socks, and then I kept running and it got hotter so I took off the rest and I figured no one would notice, yenno?

Why are you staring at that guy?

Well see, what had happened was, I slipped on some orange juice, and it sent me flying into a concrete pillar, and dem' birds be flyin' all around my head now, so all I can focus on is beautiful men. Word.

I'll use the one from stuntman mike. WHY IS THIS NOT STILL A THING THIS LOOKS SO FUN

Well you see, what happened was I was on a plane from Maui coming back to NY and I sat with him on the plane. When he fell asleep I decided to borrow his phone and update his Facebook status for him. I wonder when he's going to realise I broke up with his boyfriend for him and I sent his nudes to his mom.

Why are you covered in honey?

Well you see, what happened was I was trying to take pictures of bees but they just kept flying away. So I was like maybe if I get some honey they will come. Then I was trying to put just a little in a bowl and I tripped carrying the bowl outside and it just kind of fell on my head and ran down my face and body.

Why are you hiding behind the bush outside that house?

See, what had happened was I woke up at 4 pm but decided to eat breakfast anyway so I went downstairs to get some cereal and I saw we were out so I cried for a bit but it's okay and then I got in my car to go to the grocery store but on the way to the grocery store I had to stop and get gas. So I pulled up to a gas station but before I could get out of my car I got flagged down by this really attractive woman who told me she needed a ride home. So I pumped some gas and took the hottie wit a body home. And we made out a little but it's okay because I'm single and she didn't look like she had herpes. She stopped me in front of a luxurious house and jumped the fence. I was curious as to why she did that but I assumed she probably just wanted some exercise. She opened the door and asked me inside. I stared at all of the beautiful decor and she started to get naked. I got excited so I got naked. We rubbed on each other a bit and then heard a car pull into the driveway. She yelled "Shit, this isn't my house!" and grabbed her clothes and opened a window. I grabbed my clothes and leapt out the window with her, shutting it just in time before the owners came through the front door. And now we're behind the bushes.

Why didn't you come to my birthday party?

@ chekov.

Well ya see, what happened was I was getting ready to leave and I sat your present on the top of my car. Then I got in my car and forgot to take it off the top so as I am backing out of my driveway it flew off the hood and I ran over it. So I quickly decided I needed to get you a new present but the only place that was open was the gas station down the street so I ran inside. I collected all kinds of random things (travel map, condoms, ink pens, candy bar, a soda) and headed toward the register. I was in such a hurry I didn't even see Travis Clark standing right in front of me and I ran right into him dropping everything. He just laughed and helped me pick it all up, then we looked at each other and our eyes met and he asked me if I wanted to get out of there and go listen to him sing. I was speechless and nodded sitting all my things down and walking out of the gas station with him. He took me to a park and sang me a song and played guitar. By the time he was done I realized that I had missed your party and it just seemed like a better plan to go out to dinner with him rather than try to make it to the end your your birthday party!

Why were there six inflatable dinosaur toys in my bedroom when I woke up this morning?

See, what had happened was I was trying to take them to a birthday party for my cousin, but then my aunt called and she told me that we already had inflatable dinosaurs and she didn't need me to bring them anymore, so now I had a bunch of dinosaurs on my hands and I was already late for the party, so I tried to find someone who would throw them away for me, and I saw this guy on the street and he said you would do it, but you were sleeping, so I just left them in your bedroom for you to dispose of when you woke up!

Why don't your socks match?

See, what happened was a few weeks ago I put my laundry in a dryer at the laundromat and I guess while I was gone doing other errands while they were drying someone came along and went through all of my laundry. He left everything except for he took one of each of my socks. Now none of my socks match and I have to wear mis-matched ones every day. It makes me feel rebellious though so it's okay.

Why are there underwear on you head?

What had happened was that I watched Lilo & Stitch the other day and there's the
part in the movie where Stitch wears Nani's bra on his head like this

so of course I'd want to be as cool as him so that's why.

Why did you lie about having plans & cancelled our date last night?

well, what had happened was, my mom forced me to take her dog to the vet and when I was there this doctor hit on me, and when I told him about you, he refused to look at my moms dog so I hit him with a paper bag and he called the police so I had to spend the night at the police station because they thought I was drunk but refused to test me. so I called you from the cell, and that proves I actually did not lie

why did I come home to a drunk cat last night, I thought you promised to take good care of him?

I can explain...what happened was my mate Steve called to tell me that his flat was on fire, so being the legend that he is he came over for a while because I couldn't just leave him hanging outside in the cold waiting for the fire brigade. Steve's a top lad so he brought over a few pints and bevs from the corner shop to say thanks, but he ended up getting so pissed that he thought the fish bowl would be a perfect mixing bowl (don't worry, I removed the fish and let it swim in the sink).

I go to the lav to do my business, I come back to the living room to see Steve and the cat lapping up the mixed drinks from the fish bowl. Safe to say Steve got absolutely bladdered, but he managed to hold his stomach in until he got outside. I emptied the fish bowl on the street, filled it with water and placed the fish back in there. Steve said he'll buy you a new one if it's no more. Top lad.

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Alright mate, the other day I found the phone you lost, and it was ringing so I picked it up. Guy named Raj was on the other end of the line telling me that you owe him money. Sounds shady, mate. Care to explain?

Where did it go?

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See what had happened was is Raj and I we were good buddies in first grade. We always liked cookies and this one day in first grade they were selling chocolate chip cookies and you know how much I love chocolate chip cookies. So, I asked Raj of he had fifty cents and he told me as long as I paid him back. I promised but moved to Brooklyn and now he keeps calling me while I'm trying to do my college work to pay him back but Im on that college budget and I gotta buy ramen noodles.

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So, Katie told Brett who told Jace that you slept with my cousin's brother's boyfriend. Care to explain.