If You Really Knew Me

If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm quite intelligent, I just don't apply myself.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm a happy depressed person & I don't have a clue how that's possible.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I've never had a boyfriend or gone on a date because I have a fear of relationships.

You'd know what I mean when I say "Stove".

If you really knew me, you'd know that I think grades only show whether or not I'm good at something, and that I actually think I'm stupid and don't deserve to go to college.

If you really knew me, you'd know that every time my German class freaks out because I got a 98 instead of a 100, or just say, "Of course Katie knew," when I knew an answer nobody else did, I start hating the fact that I'm able to pick up languages so well, and that I don't want to deal with their expectations.

if you really knew me you'd know that i'd love to have a relationship but I fucking suck at keeping communication and i'm awkward around the ones I like.

if you really knew me you'd know that i'd rather have a fuck buddy then anything else.

if you really knew me you'd know that I think gays are the shit and i'm obsessed with the thought of having a gay best friend.

if you really knew me you'd know that's the reason my username is of a awesome gay pornstar.

if you really knew me you'd know that it's been almost 3 years since my dad died and I still have not forgiven him for not properly being in my life.

if you really knew me then you know that I give out my love and trust like it's not nothing.

if you really knew me you'd know that i' fucking awesome with a weird obsession with bands and boy bands.

if you really knew me then you'd know that I live sorta kinda like a slob.

BUT you know, that's only if you knew me (;

If you really knew me, you wouldn't set foot in my house.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I've tried to kill myself sixty-two times in the past five years

If you really knew me, you would know that I try to be there for those that I feel that really care about me.

You'd know what I'm referring to when I say that "Joseph" will do something.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I never really had a mother or father for most of my life.

You'd know that I get headaches way more often than I should.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm way too dependent on music than I should be.
You'd know that I'm actually telling the truth when it literally saves me... Everyday.

If you really knew me, you know that my silence is not a good sign 95% of the time.
If you really knew me, you wouldn't have to continually say how much you knew me.
If you really knew me, you would know that I am so ridiculously dorky.
If you really knew me, you would know that I turn everything that annoys me into a humorous rant.
If you really knew me, you would know that my sense of humor is sarcastic & sassy.

if you really knew me, you'd know that I don't really drink because of my medication, but still know how to party hard without it ;3

If you really knew me, you'd know my full name isn't "Jacqui"

If you really knew me, you'd know that I have abandonment issues and have never felt truly loved by anyone.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I've been through hell and back.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm the best friend you'll ever have.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I actually have a rather sunny personality.

If you really knew me you'd know I'm not trying to act smart, I just really get too into conversations about science.

If you really knew me, you'd know there's a reason why I'm so...feisty? I love my mom more than anyone else in this world, but all my life, I've watched her get walked all over and taken advantage of because she's so nice and so worried about making someone else mad. I've always had to be her backbone and stick up for her.

Hell, my brother's girlfriend (who's 45) tried to FIGHT my mom (who's 57) just last week, and I had to flip shit on her because my no-good, methed-out brother won't do anything

And now I've never been more convinced that I'm surrounded by a white-trash episode of Jerry Springer...

If you really knew me, you'd realise that I'm actually a classically trained musician.

If you really know me, you'd know not to get on my wrong side.

If you really knew me you'd understand that yes, I do have a foul temper.

If you really knew me, you would know exactly how deep my obsession with Final Fantasy runs.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm on anti-depressants