The Definition of "Slut"

pierrot the clown.:

... how does a woman "misuse" their sexuality? How is being "extremely promiscuous" or going through several sexual partners or "only thinking of themselves" in any way "misusing" one's sexuality? I don't understand what you mean by the word.

Why should a woman with multiple sexual partners feel ashamed? Why should a woman who has casual sex feel ashamed? Why is a woman not conforming to society's heterosexist, monogamous, conservative, and sexist expectations a bad thing?

Okay, maybe "misuse" was a bad choice of word. My point is though, that, while women shouldn't feel the need to conform to the constraints you mentioned, it's also not that attractive to go the whole hog and treat sex like food or oxygen, if she's doing so with loads and loads of lads. I'm not one of those conservative types who believes sex "should only be done in marriage" or even that it should only be done in a relationship; I don't consider one-night stands etc. to be an awful thing. But if a girl is just fucking people for the sake of doing so, night after night, bloke after bloke, then I'm not going to be keen. If it's what floats their boat, fair enough, but.. I just find it unattractive and a bit off-putting.

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And most importantly, why do you mention "women who misuse their sexuality" and not "men who misuse their sexuality"?

Because we're talking about the definition of "slut", which (at least, where I come from) only relates to women. If we were talking about manwhores then I would've mentioned men.

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I fail to understand how anyone can "misuse" their sexuality.

Really? I'd consider rape to be misuse of sexuality...

But then, I'm going off-topic. And as I say, I could probably have used a better word than "misuse".

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Being aromantic yet sexual can be a part of someone's sexuality, being polyamorous can be a part of someone's sexuality, etc.

Yes, but I wouldn't consider any of that to be slutty behaviour. There's a difference between polyamorousness/no-strings-attached sex, and screwing a different guy every few days just for the sake of it.

Samantha Michelle:

Don't care what her reason is; there are not so many reasons for having sex. Either for money, pleasure or getting off.

...Those are the only reasons for having sex? You seem to have forgotten things like procreation, love, relationship-strengthening, fun...

I've personally always considered a slut as someone who goes on and on about their sex life to just about anyone who will listen. It's the way we were brought up to see it and I only know 'sluts' as people doing that. It doesn't help either that everyone I consider a slut dressed like trash and will probably have to be buried in a Y shaped coffin, they have so much sex.

No offence meant to anyone who fits the criteria above. It's your life. But that's just what I see as the definition.

Alex; in your face.:

...Those are the only reasons for having sex? You seem to have forgotten things like procreation, love, relationship-strengthening, fun...

You shouldn't have to have sex to make a relationship strong. "Sex wont make him love you and a baby wont make him stay." & pleasure is apart of the fun.

Samantha Michelle:

You shouldn't have to have sex to make a relationship strong. "Sex wont make him love you and a baby wont make him stay." & pleasure is apart of the fun.

I disagree. Sex, if used properly, should build emotional trust. You're physically baring yourself in your entirety to a person.

heyJAYhey:

I disagree. Sex, if used properly, should build emotional trust. You're physically baring yourself in your entirety to a person.

But a lot of people would disagree that it's the only way to build emotional trust or even the best one.

I think cuddles, kissing, walking, holding hands, just lying in each others arms and having a chat, build an awful lot more emotional trust than cleaning sperm out from between your legs. [Personal Opinion, works best for me]

Samantha Michelle:

You shouldn't have to have sex to make a relationship strong.

No, but that doesn't mean it can't make a relationship strong. It's a big step in a relationship if it's thought through and agreed to by both people.

Samantha Michelle:

Pleasure is a part of the fun.

Yes, a part of it. It goes beyond that though.

Alex; in your face.:

My point is though, that, while women shouldn't feel the need to conform to the constraints you mentioned, it's also not that attractive to go the whole hog and treat sex like food or oxygen, if she's doing so with loads and loads of lads. [...] I just find it unattractive and a bit off-putting.

But they're not doing it so that you find them attractive.

I'm not attracted to muscles, but I'm not going to say that people who work out to get muscles are off-putting or misusing their physical abilities.

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Because we're talking about the definition of "slut", which (at least, where I come from) only relates to women. If we were talking about manwhores then I would've mentioned men.

And this all brings it down to why people have a problem with the word: it (on most occasions) reinforces sexism.

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Yes, but I wouldn't consider any of that to be slutty behaviour. There's a difference between polyamorousness/no-strings-attached sex, and screwing a different guy every few days just for the sake of it.

So what counts is the number of people the person slept with? I don't see how that makes them any more deserving of being shamed (... or, whatever you're trying to get at).

I like the way the BDSM community uses "slut" -- it's just someone who really likes sex, or if you affix it to a kink (e.g. "pain slut" is someone who likes pain in a sexual context) it's someone who really enjoys that particular kink, and since it's the BDSM community, where most of the people there are at least one kind of slut, it's neutral, not derogatory, and occasionally even celebratory, in a sense.

vaginasaurus:

I like the way the BDSM community uses "slut" -- it's just someone who really likes sex, or if you affix it to a kink (e.g. "pain slut" is someone who likes pain in a sexual context) it's someone who really enjoys that particular kink, and since it's the BDSM community, where most of the people there are at least one kind of slut, it's neutral, not derogatory, and occasionally even celebratory, in a sense.

That's how I tend to use the word in reference to myself.

Robert Pattinson:

I think cuddles, kissing, walking, holding hands, just lying in each others arms and having a chat, build an awful lot more emotional trust than cleaning sperm out from between your legs. [Personal Opinion, works best for me]

I disagree. Because cuddling, kissing, lying in each others arms all can be during sex. Because sometimes it's just sex, fucking, shagging, whatever. But there's also that wonderfully cheese-tastic phrase "making love." Which it is sometimes. It's connecting with somebody on a level that is only experienced with certain people. I mean, a boyfriend or sexual partner or mine can hug and kiss his/her friends and family, can hold hands with his/her friends and family, lie in the arms of his/her friends, have a chat with his/her friends and family. But sex is something that is only between a small amount of people the majority of the time, which is why whether it's casual or in a commited relationship, it's always intimate in some way or another.

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Me and my best friend jokingly say that I'm a whore because I've had sex earlier/more often and she's a slut because she's had sex with more people. But in real life I'd probably call somebody a slut if they either slept around with people they knew were in a commited relationship. But in general I don't really like the word "slut".

Robert Pattinson:

I think cuddles, kissing, walking, holding hands, just lying in each others arms and having a chat, build an awful lot more emotional trust than cleaning sperm out from between your legs. [Personal Opinion, works best for me]

I think that's pretty . . . black and white.
For one thing, if you use a condom, you don't have to clean sperm out from between your legs.

For another thing, who says that everyone wants to cuddle, kiss, hold hands, etc? I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't want one. I'm young and I don't want to be tied down right now. But that doesn't mean I don't get horny as a rabbit.

^ I never said everyone wants to cuddle, kiss etc,. :) Also, wanting a relationship is your issue, I said I personally think the cuddling and all that lark builds more emotional trust. Personally, as in it works best for me.

Robert Pattinson:

^ I never said everyone wants to cuddle, kiss etc,. :) Also, wanting a relationship is your issue, I said I personally think the cuddling and all that lark builds more emotional trust. Personally, as in it works best for me.

I think cuddling and sex can go hand in hand, however. I usually get cuddled after sex.

I agree that there are lots of other things one can do to build trust besides sex that work in better ways. I just don't think that because one has those things one should feel they shouldn't have sex if they want to.

dru shoots up.:

I think cuddling and sex can go hand in hand, however. I usually get cuddled after sex.

I agree that there are lots of other things one can do to build trust besides sex that work in better ways. I just don't think that because one has those things one should feel they shouldn't have sex if they want to.

I understand your point, but you see in that comment I never said they should not have sex if they didn't want to.

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True, but didn't you say in either another thread or a journal that you thought casual sex with slutty?

But this isn't another thread or another journal :)

Robert Pattinson:

But this isn't another thread or another journal :)

So your opinions change depending on what thread you're in? Either you think it's slutty or you don't.

dru shoots up.:

So your opinions change depending on what thread you're in? Either you think it's slutty or you don't.

If you're going to comment on something I've said in another thread, quote that the other thread. I never mentioned not having a relationship or not having sex in the comment you remarked on, noR did I mention the term slutty.

Robert Pattinson:

If you're going to comment on something I've said in another thread, quote that the other thread. I never mentioned not having a relationship or not having sex in the comment you remarked on, noR did I mention the term slutty.

So what you're saying is that your opinion changes by thread? Or that you only debate certain aspects of your opinion in a thread? You said it. You either believe that or you don't.