Would You Keep Your Sexuality Private?

I'm not sure how I'd react to someone asking me point blank; it would seem strange. But broadly speaking, I'm trying to get myself into the habit of being generally open about my sexuality; not broadcasting it, just being open and honest about it. In my experience, I've had a much harder time coming out to a friend I've known for quite a long time, than having them know almost straight away. Thankfully, pretty much all my friends have been fine with it, but if I'm to meet new friends in the future, it'll be much easier if they know fairly early on, so that I don't instead spend ages building a friendship with them only to find out months down the line that they're not okay with homosexuality.

I don't know. On the one hand, I mean, I don't like this heteronormative society we live in where we just assume everyone is straight unless they tell us otherwise, and how do we ever know without asking? It's not like you can just look at someone and know their orientation. But on the other hand, I realize we also live in a society where homosexuality isn't something everyone is comfortable being open about, and asking someone about it directly like that could corner them into an uncomfortable conversation.

I am not completely open about my sexuality, mostly because my parents are conservative Christians and would think it's wrong that I'm bisexual.

But if a stranger came up to me, I would probably tell them. I mean, they would have no connection with my parents and they wouldn't even know who I am.

But yes, I would find it completely inappropriate and inconsiderate. Not everyone is totally sure of their sexuality. It's personal.

I don't mind saying that I'm pansexual, but it gets annoying when I end up having to explain gender binaries every single time. I gave up and when I know someone won't know, I just tell them I'm bisexual.

@ Stained Glass Eyes.
I do the same thing. It's just easier than having to explain or listen to the "heheh you fuck pans" joke over and over.

I've had people ask, and I'm just like *pause* "I'm pansexual." Some of them know what it means, some don't. For those that don't, I have a nice little way of explaining it.

"Remember getting up on Christmas Day, and you're a teenager, so you already know what your presents are because you directly asked for them? So all you want to do is rip off that wrapping paper and tear into those gifts, and let's face it, you've been staring at that paper for days, so screw it. You dig into the box and there it is, exactly what you wanted, and you're just so happy it hurts to smile."

For me, that's what I feel. It doesn't matter about the wrapping paper. I just want what's inside.

I've had people ask me, but it was mostly in school. I remember I was with my friends once and these Year Sevens were watching us and suddenly they were like 'Are you lezzies?', and if I remember correctly, it was because we were hugging and dancing. I told them sure and they laughed. I'm not open about my sexuality but when things happen like I just go along with it. The amount of people who have asked me whether I'm a lesbian and I've just agreed with them is more than I can remember. Sometimes I'm asked about it and I just respond with 'I dunno' which makes them assume I'm a lesbian.

Either way, it doesn't bother me because I feel like a label for my sexuality doesn't exist. I'm not bi, pan, lesbain, straight or whatever. If i get with a woman, I get with a woman. If I get with a guy, I get with a guy. It doesn't bother me either way.

@ castiel's vessel
Can I ask why you don't define yourself as pansexual then because that's what it kinda sounds like to me. (No judgment at all, just curious.)

@ dru chases the wind.

Mostly because I don't want to define my sexuality with a word that might not be true as I get older. I don't mind what other people define my sexuality as, but I personally can't define it with a label like that.

@ castiel's vessel
Okay, that makes sense.

@ castiel's vessel
I feel the same. Since about year eight, I've people point and shout 'lesbian' at me because I hold hands with my friends, and I've had random men on the street try to get in on the 'action' as some sort of drunk joke. I've only ever been asked outright about my sexuality once, and I just responded with 'I don't know' because that's what's true for me. I don't really know, and I'm fairly inexperienced. More than that, I don't really care. None of my friends are bothered by anything about me or my sexuality, and I'm not either. I'd rather just take everything that comes my way in my stride than trying to categorize myself.

@ Blackjack.

I've been called 'lesbian' since year seven, something which started by the kids in my form class. I actually don't know why they called me a lesbian, but it got round my year and everyone believed it. For the whole five years I was thought of as a lesbian by the kids in my year and certain kids in the years younger than me. And I'm completely inexperienced so I fit in no catorgory. But I know that whatever way I go during my life, my parents are accepting and if I still have my friends that I have now, that they're accepting, too. (I know my parents are accepting because when my sister was still in school and two years ahead of me, it got to her that I was a lesbian and she told my parents and all my mum said was 'oh well').

@ castiel's vessel
Kids are so weird. They draw the strangest of conclusions. For me, people were just being ridiculous; it was never really an issue. But where I grew up, I don't think anyone would have cared. I'm pretty sure a good few of my friends think I'm a lesbian, a few more probably think I'm bisexual.

I wouldn't be able to say for sure how my family would react. I think it might be a bit of an issue with my parents, but I think they would never do anything like disown me. It would probably take them a bit of a time to adjust though.
You're lucky to at least know how your family would react, and to have a supportive group of friends.

@ Blackjack.

They are weird, I agree. They also contradict themselves so much, like in year seven I was teased (by the kids in my form, again) for liking this guy in my form who had long hair, but at the same time I was called a lesbian. I still don't understand how that worked out in their minds.

My brother's joked about me being lesbian before, saying how at least he wouldn't have to be worried about me getting pregnant and having to hunt down the father, so I assume that he and my other siblings would be fine if I were ever fully sure I was a lesbian as I get older.
Yeah, I've heard some people don't have supportive friends and family with something like that. I know my friends would be supportive because two of them have been called lesbians since year nine (the kids in the year going as far as to say that we were lesbians together) and the others, though are foreign and religious, are extremely open-minded, but then again to be friends with me and the other two, they would have to be open-minded.

@ castiel's vessel
Prime example of kidiocy. I guess they like to grab onto anything they can tease someone about: common sense simply doesn't have a place in the matter.

I honestly think my family wouldn't know how to take it. My half sister, mum and brother are all Christian (I am too, but I guess it's obvious I'm pretty damn open-minded about everything), and my dad is very black in his views towards sexuality. I think my older sister would find it easier to swallow than anyone else, and she's the problem solver in my family so if any of them were horrible about it, she'd shout sense and tolerance into them.

@ Blackjack.

I guess so. If it's not one thing that warrants teasing, it's another thing.

My family's not religious so I guess that's why it would be easier for them to take it if it were true. We've never gone to church or followed a religion. I was raised open-minded even though race, sexuality and such were the butt of jokes for us growing up. So with my parents raising us open-minded, it'd be wrong for them not to be open-minded about something as simple as my sexuality.

@ castiel's vessel
That's good. I think personally, I'd raise my children Christian, but I would never want them to feel trapped or as if they had no choice in the matter. We weren't always Christian, and my dad is actually very anti-Christianity, but either way my parents are both really tolerant for who and what they are. They love me for who I am, not what I am.

That's just plain rude, I think. I wouldn't go up to someone and just flat out ask them their sexual orientation so if someone did it to me, especially a complete stranger, chances are I'd give that person a sarcastic answer.

"So, do you like girls or boys?"
"Ponies. I like ponies."

[removed]

@ carlos pena.
I think that's smarter. If parents could make your life worse, psychologically abusive, or kick you out then it's better to wait.