Woman Allows 16 Year Old Daughter to Marry 51 Year Old Man

Okay, after looking this up some I got some new information.

They met over the internet, and the first time they met IRL he proposed to her. They were only chatting online before that, and he'd been through two failed marriages and battled a drinking game and to him I believe it's about love. To her, I don't think it is. I think she's just looking to get famous (and to agree with Audrey, her videos aren't... that great, I think the pink dog did a better performance in the one on the boat, but hey, it's her life and her choices and her music so woo).

But yeah, she IS 16, because they've gone public with her birth certificate and I think he's in love with her.

Fox Mulder.:

Okay, after looking this up some I got some new information.

They met over the internet, and the first time they met IRL he proposed to her. They were only chatting online before that, and he'd been through two failed marriages and battled a drinking game and to him I believe it's about love. To her, I don't think it is. I think she's just looking to get famous (and to agree with Audrey, her videos aren't... that great, I think the pink dog did a better performance in the one on the boat, but hey, it's her life and her choices and her music so woo).

But yeah, she IS 16, because they've gone public with her birth certificate and I think he's in love with her.

I think so too. I think he does love her - or at least thinks he does - and in a way I feel badly for him about it. It reminds me very much of the whole Gary Coleman thing - where there's this, at least partly, ignored/failed aging actor searching for love wherever he can get it.

It's weird that even though she's the younger one, he seems to be more of the victim. I think this girl and her family are certainly taking advantage of someone who's so...desperate.

Dexterous Monkey:

I think so too. I think he does love her - or at least thinks he does - and in a way I feel badly for him about it. It reminds me very much of the whole Gary Coleman thing - where there's this, at least partly, ignored/failed aging actor searching for love wherever he can get it.

It's weird that even though she's the younger one, he seems to be more of the victim. I think this girl and her family are certainly taking advantage of someone who's so...desperate.

He does feel desperate, but like, not in a negative way really. It just feels like he feels that he's been through so much and he just wants someone to spend his days with and someone to call his soulmate etc. I feel sorry for him in a way, because I don't at all feel that he means any harm but she and her family is just taking advantage of him.

So, wait, I'm confused, because he loves her he's automatically desperate?

Jewel Nicole:

So, wait, I'm confused, because he loves her he's automatically desperate?

No, but he has an aura about him that sort of says "I really need someone to love and someone to love me". Note that we say we think and not we know, so it's just the way we've read him from interviews and whatnot. Maybe we're dead wrong.

Fox Mulder.:

No, but he has an aura about him that sort of says "I really need someone to love and someone to love me". Note that we say we think and not we know, so it's just the way we've read him from interviews and whatnot. Maybe we're dead wrong.

Probably the biggest issue with this case is that it is difficult to say for certain how each person feels.

All I know is there is something a bit odd about her in particular. I don't know what it is: probably an inbuilt bias against people who are considered pretty lol.

I just hope it works out well. It'd be nice for once. Fate will cut the thread most likely but Fate's a bitch (well, three of them. blablahblahIlovetheGreeksandRoranicustheRomansblahblah).

Maybe it's just me, because my license says I'm 21 but my brain says I'm 17, but I don't think a sixteen year-old is capable of comprehending the notion of 'love' or 'marriage'. It's not that I think they're too immature (which they are and should be, they're sixteen and they should live and make mistakes and have fun and make mistakes while having fun, and then panic about getting themselves out of problems, and worrying about being screw ups when they are, in fact, like any other sixteen year-old), it's just that, at sixteen, you're supposed to be learning how to drive and hold your liquor, not how to cook and change diapers. Even if they don't start with kids immediately, she's not supposed to put boundaries in her life that early. In the end, I'm all for 'do with your life as you please' but, that I feel sorry for her, that is truth.

dibidus:

Maybe it's just me, because my license says I'm 21 but my brain says I'm 17, but I don't think a sixteen year-old is capable of comprehending the notion of 'love' or 'marriage'. It's not that I think they're too immature (which they are and should be, they're sixteen and they should live and make mistakes and have fun and make mistakes while having fun, and then panic about getting themselves out of problems, and worrying about being screw ups when they are, in fact, like any other sixteen year-old), it's just that, at sixteen, you're supposed to be learning how to drive and hold your liquor, not how to cook and change diapers. Even if they don't start with kids immediately, she's not supposed to put boundaries in her life that early. In the end, I'm all for 'do with your life as you please' but, that I feel sorry for her, that is truth.

That seems to stereotype sixteen year olds a lot. I find it somewhat disturbing that a basic skill such as cooking seems out of bounds. But even so, whilst this "Sixteen year olds do toss all" in America, it's not quite the same over here. I'm an example of that. I was out of the family home at sixteen and had to look after myself. If people don't try to give some responsibility to young people, how can they develop? Cooking's a valuble skill which should be taught to everyone from a young age...along with other household skills like doing your own laundry and ironing and generally not being ankle deep in your own junk.

I don't feel sorry for her. It's her choice and her parents agreed. I'm a little skeptical for the reasons but I just don't have an issue with it on paper. No parent with an ounce of sense or love for their child would agree to something they think would harm their child. Sure, if they ran away and whatever then that's a bit dodgy and you have to look at when the relationship started and so on. But if the parents agree then...c'est la vie.

river song.:

That seems to stereotype sixteen year olds a lot. I find it somewhat disturbing that a basic skill such as cooking seems out of bounds. But even so, whilst this "Sixteen year olds do toss all" in America, it's not quite the same over here. I'm an example of that. I was out of the family home at sixteen and had to look after myself. If people don't try to give some responsibility to young people, how can they develop? Cooking's a valuble skill which should be taught to everyone from a young age...along with other household skills like doing your own laundry and ironing and generally not being ankle deep in your own junk.

I don't feel sorry for her. It's her choice and her parents agreed. I'm a little skeptical for the reasons but I just don't have an issue with it on paper. No parent with an ounce of sense or love for their child would agree to something they think would harm their child. Sure, if they ran away and whatever then that's a bit dodgy and you have to look at when the relationship started and so on. But if the parents agree then...c'est la vie.

I couldn't disagree more with this assumption. Parents are people too and they make bad choices just as everyone else does - whether they love their children to bits of not. All the cases of abuse, neglect, abandonment in the world - I don't think that all happens because the parents had NO love (not even an ounce) for their children but because the parents had other priorities.

There's a lot of viable reasons why a parent would do something that would be harmful to their child - even if they loved them. Some parents spoil their children to an unhealthy extreme. Some parents have superficial priorities. Some parents are selfish. Some parents are living vicariously through their children. All these things could leave a parent vulnerable to do and agree to a lot of things that would harm their child - even if they do love their child. Love =/= good parenting. Love =/= always doing the right thing.

Dexterous Monkey:

I couldn't disagree more with this assumption. Parents are people too and they make bad choices just as everyone else does - whether they love their children to bits of not. All the cases of abuse, neglect, abandonment in the world - I don't think that all happens because the parents had NO love (not even an ounce) for their children but because the parents had other priorities.

There's a lot of viable reasons why a parent would do something that would be harmful to their child - even if they loved them. Some parents spoil their children to an unhealthy extreme. Some parents have superficial priorities. Some parents are selfish. Some parents are living vicariously through their children. All these things could leave a parent vulnerable to do and agree to a lot of things that would harm their child - even if they do love their child. Love =/= good parenting. Love =/= always doing the right thing.

I did say sense as well by which I mean being sensible. A sensible parent wouldn't agree to something that would harm their own child.

I know that love is no redeeming feature.

Spoiling a child is not quite in the same league as agreeing for some rather older man to marry their daughter who is (admittedly) straddling the idea of the minor. Cultural differences accepted, naturally.

I just don't see that in a Western ideology with the giant spectre of paedophiles being on every computer with virtual sweets in a virtual van being over-represented in media outlets, I cannot understand why a parent who (in this case) appears to care for their daughter to whatever extent of the matrix that is, would let their daughter get into what could be at least said as a bit of a dodgy situation?

It is complicated but I know what I mean. Yes, there are parents who treat their children like kings, dogs, prostitutes or ghosts. Yes, there are varying explanations of this, some which can absolve the parent of some blame and some not. But I don't see abuse in this family (aside from perhaps spoiling but heh, there is a deal of sociocultural influence on this). Of course, I cannot possibly know but then again, can you prove otherwise?

be dru's hero.:

I will never allow my children to marry when they're underage. Ever. I think that if they're in love that's great. I'll support them. But if they're truly in love, then they can wait until they're of age to marry.

This. If the love is "real" and they plan to be "together forever" anyway, then waiting a few more years certainly wouldn't kill them.

^That's fine to feel that way, but not all parents do. I don't think these parents did anything wrong, it would be different if this girl was 5 years old, but this girl is sixteen, she's capable of knowing what she wants, in my opinion.

^ I believe that she's capable of knowing what she thinks she wants. Love exists within all ages, but at different levels. When I loved at 16, I look back at it now, aged 21 and think 'Was I for real?'. My conception of love has changed radically over the last 5 years and I believe that hers will too.

She's done nothing wrong, I don't think she's a gold digger or anything. I think that she's just a 16 year old girl growing up in society.

^ Yeah, but that's something that will ALWAYS change, no matter your age. My mum got married for the first time at 25 and she's been married three times. Each time she thought it was right, but as she got older she was all "oh gosh, seriously?" and realized that what she'd felt before wasn't the same type of love she came to experience next. She's 60 and has finally married the guy she thinks she'll be with for the rest of her life.

Should she not have gotten married the previous times just because that love wasn't the same as the love she feels now? No. People make mistakes, it's part of growing up, maturing and aging. You can't duck out from doing everything just because it won't be the same when you're older.

Fox Mulder.:

Should she not have gotten married the previous times just because that love wasn't the same as the love she feels now? No. People make mistakes, it's part of growing up, maturing and aging. You can't duck out from doing everything just because it won't be the same when you're older.

Who said she shouldn't marry? I didn't condemn her anywhere in my post for marrying this guy. I said she didn't do anything wrong.

^ Then I don't understand why it was important to point out that her views of love will change in the next few years. Of course it will, but it will continue to change for the rest of her life, so I don't know why that's relevant.

^ It's relevant because I don't think they will last, simply put.

^ And how can you know that a marriage will last at any age? I think it's unfair that the main argument for them not lasting is because her understanding of love will change as she grows older. Like I said, that view never keeps changing, no matter how old you get. And still people manage to get together young, get married and stay together.

^ I can't know it will last, which is why I never said that I have high hopes for them, nor did I say that they certainly won't last; I said that I don't think they will last, which leaves room for the inevitable. The same way you don't know that it will last.

^ I have no idea, and I don't think it'll last. But not based on her being 16 and saying that she doesn't know what love is or that her views on love will change. Because that's true for every single person in the world no matter their age. I don't feel it will last because the impression I get from watching interviews with her/them is that she's married to him to get famous.