Love Like War

  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    @ king in the north
    @ EmzyStilinski

    Any other errors you guys spotted? If not, I'll post it when I get on my laptop.
    January 3rd, 2014 at 07:29pm
  • jcov

    jcov (100)

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    @ castiel's vessel
    Other than what I mentioned, nothing in particular has caught my attention.
    January 3rd, 2014 at 11:39pm
  • jcov

    jcov (100)

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    ignore
    January 3rd, 2014 at 11:40pm
  • jcov

    jcov (100)

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    ignore
    January 3rd, 2014 at 11:40pm
  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    @ king in the north

    I posted it as it had been 12 days since the last chapter. Any mistakes feel free to either edit them yourselves or let me know so I can do it! Cute
    January 4th, 2014 at 04:21am
  • jcov

    jcov (100)

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    @ castiel's vessel
    Okieee! Will do!!!! And I'm going to get some research done before I start the whole Vicky/Drew meeting. I can imagine a lot of interesting art pieces being discussed in the chapter. The fact that I've been watching the show White Collar helps a lot.
    January 4th, 2014 at 04:31am
  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    @ king in the north
    Awesome. tehe Vicky will certainly try and test him to see whether he actually knows stuff or is just pretending.
    January 4th, 2014 at 04:42am
  • EmzyStilinski

    EmzyStilinski (100)

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    Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I wasn't getting alerts for some reason but I have them now.

    I will start my chapter probably tomorrow because ATM I am tired and getting sick.
    January 4th, 2014 at 05:05am
  • jcov

    jcov (100)

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    @ castiel's vessel
    Hahaha, yeah she definitely will!!!!

    @ EmzyStilinski
    And I can't wait to read it!
    January 6th, 2014 at 10:03pm
  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    @ EmzyStilinski
    Hi, just wondering how you're doing with the chapter? :)
    January 18th, 2014 at 02:53am
  • EmzyStilinski

    EmzyStilinski (100)

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    @ castiel's vessel
    Sorry I have been busy and have been trying to update all of my stories on time because I have to have some chapters done within a certain time. I have a little written but I'm going to try to finish it tomorrow and Ill post it here first
    January 18th, 2014 at 03:03am
  • jcov

    jcov (100)

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    @ castiel's vessel @ EmzyStilinski
    Can't wait to read the chapter! I miss this story so much! (Even though its been like two weeks)
    January 23rd, 2014 at 07:54am
  • EmzyStilinski

    EmzyStilinski (100)

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    Guys I'm so sorry that I haven't gotten it written. Life caught up with me and I was in the hospital yesterday. I only have a little written but I promise I will have it done by the end of the weekend
    January 23rd, 2014 at 03:20pm
  • jcov

    jcov (100)

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    @ EmzyStilinski
    Hey, take care of yourself first and then worry about the story, okay?????
    January 24th, 2014 at 05:06am
  • EmzyStilinski

    EmzyStilinski (100)

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    @ king in the north
    Okay, thanks
    January 24th, 2014 at 02:56pm
  • EmzyStilinski

    EmzyStilinski (100)

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    Hey guys, sorry it took so long. Please make any revision needed because I had to update on my phone.
    AK and Drew went to visit the tech team and immediately Drew went all geek. AK just sat back and started counting the ceiling tiles, which was way better than geek central that was going on in front of him. AK never listened to what was being said in these briefings because he knew that Drew would have all the information and would repeat it fifty times. It was how they worked, even before the CIA. Drew did better in school and AK did better in "other" fields.

    "AK, are listening?" Drew asked, bringing AK out of his thoughts. He looked around the room to see the same bored expressions on the other men.

    "Mate, didn't Wilson tell you to not put the tech team asleep?" AK joked, getting up to see what was on the screen. Great. A history lesson. "Let's let the team do their job, shall we?"

    Drew rolled his eyes but motioned for the tech team to start. AK smiled, satisfied that this was finally going. He had to go to his mother's house after this and Drew boring him out of his mind just wasn't going to work. He loved the guy but he had a tendency to ramble.

    The tech team explained the precautions they were taking. AK could see the disapproval on Drew's face and chuckled slightly before the tech team dismissed the two boys.

    The two walked out of the room and AK checked his phone to see his mom had texted him to ask if he was still coming.

    "Texting another girl, AK?" Drew teased as they walked out of the building.

    "If you must know, it was my mum. I'm supposed to go over there after work," he said, typing a message to tell him mom that he would be there in an hour.

    "Special occasion?"

    AK nodded. "Devon is bringing home is fiance."

    Drew chuckled a bit and rested a hand on AK's shoulder. "I swear all of your brothers are going to get married before you do, even Blake."

    "You realize Blake is twelve, right?"

    Drew smiled. "Exactly my point," he said earning a playful shove from AK.

    "Whatever you say, mate. I've got to get going," AK called, getting in his car.

    AK started to his parents house and sighed. He couldn't shake what Drew said. Would he really not get married? For the first half of his life, he wasn't keen on marriage when his biological parents split but after he was adopted at thirteen by his current parents, he hoped to have it one day. He loved his bachelor lifestyle but now his younger brother was getting married and the older two already were.

    AK got to his parents house and entered, hearing laughter in the other room. He walked to the kitchen to see his parents and his older brothers with their wives.

    "AK, I'm glad you made it. I thought you were going to be gone on business," his mom said, engulfing him in a hug.

    AK smiled amd let go of his mom. "Plans change."

    AK said his greetings to his older brothers, Chase and Cole and their wives before looking around for a second. "Hey mum, where's Blake?"

    "In his room," she said and he headed upstairs.

    AK had always been attached to Blake even though he was a lot younger. Blake was the only kid that truly came after AK because Blake was adopted about a year after AK, making the Gentry's have five boys. He didn't fit in with the other boys growing up, seeing that Cole and Chase were the biological kids and Devon had been adopted five years before AK. So, when Blake got to the house, AK didn't feel alone.

    AK walked to his old room that now was occupied by Blake and knocked softly before opening the door to reveal a dark haired kid with his nose stuck in a gun catalog.

    "Did I corrupt you that much?" AK said referring to the book in his younger brother's hands which made the boy form a large smile on his face.

    "AK!" Blake smiled, putting the catalog down and going to his older brother. "Dad told me yesterday that he didn't think you were coming."

    AK chuckled slightly at Blake's eagerness. The boy looked up to him and shared his love for guns. "So, I hear you're getting to be a good shot."

    Blake nodded and grabbed a rifle from his gun closet. "Come on, I want to show you how good I've gotten."

    AK chuckled and allowed himself to be pulled outside to the makeshift shooting range that was originally built for AK.

    Blake got in the shooting position that AK had taught him and AK watched in amusement. Blake shot, missing the bullseye ever so slightly.

    AK patted him on the back. "That was pretty good but you need to set the gun up a little higher," he said taking the gun from his brother. "Here, let me show you."

    AK sat the gun in the accurate spot before taking a breath and firing, hitting the target perfectly. He smiled and handed the gun back to Blake.

    "Why can't I shoot like that?" Blake said walking back towards the house with AK.

    AK just chuckled. "Keep practicing and you'll out shoot me one day."

    Blake smiled and ran upstairs to put the gun up and AK walked into the kitchen where his younger brother had arrived.

    "Aaron Kyle, you have corrupted that boy with guns," his mom told him, standing over the stove.

    "Mum, you know he showed his own interest. I just added fuel to the fire." He smiled turning to his younger brother. "Hey Devon, are you going to introduce me to your new bird?"

    Devon chuckled, running a hand through his chocolate hair. "This is Nina. Nina this is my older brother, AK."

    AK smiled and shook her hand before excusing himself in the living room. It was rather awkward being in a room with his brothers who all had significant others. He had never brought a girl home, seeing as none of them were important enough. AK couldn't remember the last time he had a relationship that lasted longer than a week. He liked the bachelor life but it was slowly killing him.
    January 30th, 2014 at 03:58am
  • jcov

    jcov (100)

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    @ EmzyStilinski
    Yo, your chapter is blazing!!! I laughed so hard in the beginning when Drew was boring the shit out of everyone and a whole history lesson on the board.. you truly understand my character.

    There weren't anything big that I'd critique about. Most of the things I've picked up are very minor, just little things.

    The first one is that line with the "Devon is bringing home his fiance" and you write "Bringing home is fiance." it's just that small error.

    Oh and another one is that line you had about how after Blake was adopted it made the Gentry's have five boys-- you might want to rephrase that a bit such as "making Blake the fifth of the Gentry boys" or something like that.

    Aside from that, it's no problem, really!

    I really adore the idea of how his adoptive parents had set up a shooting range for AK and how Blake aspires to be just like AK, it's too cute!!!! It explains why AK is such a perfectly good shot, his parents were supportive to his hobbies :D

    Also, the touch of how all his brothers (aside from Blake) are/is already married and he's all second guessing himself and kind of yearning for an actual relationship important enough to make him even consider marriage.
    January 30th, 2014 at 04:28am
  • EmzyStilinski

    EmzyStilinski (100)

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    @ king in the north
    Thanks! I'll fix those right now. I'm so sorry it took forever. Ill post once that Kayleigh reads it.
    January 30th, 2014 at 04:53am
  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    @ EmzyStilinski
    "AK, are listening?" Drew asked - you forgot the "you" between "are" and "listening" here.

    Also, probably personal preference, but I feel you mention "tech team" too many times when you could just shorten it down to "the team" because once you mentioned "tech team" it's already common knowledge that whenever you mention "team" you'll be referring to them.

    The above also links into the next line, "he said, typing a message to tell him mom that he would be there in an hour." First it'd need to be "his mom" but rather than keep that, I feel that it might flow better just to have "a message to tell her that he..." because you've already mentioned before that he was texting his mum, so repeating it isn't really necessary.

    It should be "his fiancée" because that's the feminine word to refer to the woman, where as "fiancé" is to refer to the male.

    "He loved his bachelor lifestyle but now his younger brother was getting married and the older two already were." - I don't know whether this is just me, but it feels like you ended the sentence midway? It could just be the way I'm reading it but it honestly feels like something else should be at the end.

    As a general, I think you use "AK" far too much and can substitute many of them with a "he" or a "him" whenever applicable.

    But I really liked your chapter as a whole and really like the look into AK's family life.
    January 30th, 2014 at 05:51pm
  • EmzyStilinski

    EmzyStilinski (100)

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    @ castiel's vessel
    Alright thanks. I'll change that when I get home and post after I'm through
    January 30th, 2014 at 06:08pm