The Devil Took Your Memory

Natalia could tell that this was something that he didn't talk about often, if at all. It was all in his body language and the expression on his face. It made her wonder what they had done to him to make him react this way. "Я не понимаю, как они могут относиться к людям так, как мы ... животные или что-то. Это отвратительно." She shook her head.

"Они не видят в нас человека." He responded simply, taking the opportunity to divert the conversation away from himself. What had happened was hitting him harder than he'd expected, and it was only confirming his idea that he shouldn't talk about it. Truth was, Bucky just wasn't ready to think about it all again. Not when he could still so vividly remember being restrained, tested on, mutilated... It needed to remain unspoken about. "Мы их испытуемые. Больше ничего."

Natalia knew that he was right. She hated knowing that he was though, not because he was right, but because the thought was a sickening one. They weren't treated or seen as humans here. They were subjects for these people. Living, breathing science experiments really. It was disgusting. "Я не понимаю, как люди способны этом, хотя. Это отвратительно."

"Потому что они не человек ..." Bucky explained quietly, adjusting his arms around her slightly. For the duration of their conversation, he had continued to hold her, wanting to keep her safe and protect her. If they came back, and they wanted to take her once more, they would have to pry her away from him... And considering the arm they had given him, it was going to be one hell of a fight. "Мой друг пусть кто-то сделать это ему когда-то ..."

Natalia hadn't even realized that he'd still been holding her until she felt him adjust his arms. It was comforting though, and maybe that was why she hadn't noticed it. Maybe this was what she had needed. When she first met Bucky, she hadn't trusted him, and she didn't picture herself accepting comfort from him either, but she'd grown to trust him a great deal obviously in their time together. "Почему бы кто-нибудь добровольно позволить что-то вроде это можно сделать с ними?" She asked, clearly shocked by the thought.

It was a question Bucky had asked himself time and time again, having left for war when his friend was tiny, and rather vulnerable... Only to then be saved by him months down the line. It was as though Steve's exterior finally caught up with his interior... And it shocked Bucky to hear how he had happened. Having been forced through it all by Hydra, he didn't understand why Steve did it voluntarily. "Я спрашиваю себя, что много ... Он просто хотел помочь ... Помощь закончить все это ..."

Natalia nodded. "Ваш друг звучит как очень смелый человек." She said. She didn't know of very many people who would voluntarily get involved in something like war. It took a great deal of courage and selflessness, or so she assumed anyway. It seemed as though that had been the case with Bucky's friend at least. It certainly sounded that way.

"Он был глуп." Bucky laughed bitterly. Steve wasn't stupid, but he wasn't the smartest kid ever either... He'd lost count over the years of how many times he had pulled his friend was a street scrap. "He was like one of those dogs..." He murmured, slipping out of Russian for a moment. "The little dogs who always want to pick fights with the big ones... Never thought about how hard he'd get his ass kicked." But that friend was long gone, and a strong, courageous one took his place. One who could actually last a few rounds or more in the ring. "Теперь он большая собака ..."

Natalia still knew very little English, but she'd picked up enough of it from Bucky to understand the gist of what he'd just said. She nodded in response to his words, slightly confused as to what he meant. She obviously didn't know that the friend he was talking about was none other Captain America. "Но он не хулиган, как и другие большие собаки были, да? Это то, что имеет значение."

"Нет, нет ... Он ненавидел хулиганов." Bucky murmured, his mind on Steve still. He had no idea how long it had been since he saw his friend... And it was slowly starting to dawn on him that Steve thought he was dead. He had seen Bucky fall from the train, but he probably had no clue what had actually happened to him... As far as he knew, Bucky was dead. "Вот почему он присоединился к армии..."

Natalia nodded. "Он звучит, как хорошего человека." She said quietly. It didn't take rocket science to realize that this friend of Bucky's meant a lot to him. The way he talked about him, he seemed more like a family member than a friend. She supposed that family didn't necessarily have to stop at blood. "И очень хорошо друг тоже." She meant every word that she said, she wouldn't lie to Bucky. They had become extremely close in the time they'd spent together in this cell. Realistically, they were all that they other had. "Вы тоже хороши."

"Он был лучшим человеком, которого я когда-либо знал." He rolled his head back, the cold tile coming int contact with his hair. It seeped through, cooling him down slightly. But it also served as a stark reminder as to where he was, and the troubles they were both going to face in the coming future. Neither of them knew the true extent of it, or just how fragile they were going to become. "Если я так хорошо, что я сделал, чтобы заслужить это?"

"Вы говорите очень высоко о нем. Вы двое были очень близки, я полагаю?" Natalia asked curiously. She was pretty sure that she already knew the answer to her own question, but she was curious as to what his response would be. This man, whoever he was, was someone who Bucky clearly admired and looked up to. His later words brought a frown onto her face. "Что заставляет вас думать, что все это было заслуженно? Если вы заслуживают того, чтобы быть здесь, я должен, как хорошо."

"He was my best friend... Мой брат. Я бы отдал свою жизнь за он... Технически, я сделал..." Bucky didn't regret a single thing that happened on that train, only the anguish it would have brought his friend afterwards. He knew he did the right thing, leaping forward to protect Steve... And he was willing to do it again in a single heartbeat, even if the outcome was always the same. Even if he would always end up here. Bucky couldn't fault Natalia's logic, but he certainly couldn't agree with it. He was a soldier, and this was all a matter of war. Perhaps it was beyond anything he was ever trained for, but it was part and parcel of it all. He furrowed his brow, bringing a hand up to cup Natalia's cheek. "Я пошел на войну, чтобы защитить людей, как вы... I couldn't even get that right."

"Я уверен, что ваш друг оценил все, что вы сделали для него." Natalia said quietly. If they were as close as Bucky made them sound, she was positive that his friend would appreciate his actions. They treated and protected each other like they were brothers. Clearly they meant a lot to each other. His later words caused the frown on her face to deepen. "Это не так ... не надо так говорить. Вы сделали все, что вы могли бы. Вы защищая меня здесь. Ты хороший человек, Bucky."

It was hard to feel like a good man anymore. Bucky was still unsure what Hydra wanted from him, or what they were using him for... But he was certain it wasn't for anything good. They wanted to destroy and to ruin. Bucky was their way of doing that. They were prepping him to be some sort of sick counterpart to Captain America. He wasn't prepared to become that sort of man, if it even was a man anymore. Not only for his own sake, but for Natalia's. "Я никогда не хочу причинить тебе боль, Natalia. Обещай мне, если я попробую ..." He took a deep breath in, thumb stroking across her cheekbone slowly. "Обещай мне, что ты перестанешь меня. Для блага."

Natalia didn't know how to respond to what he was asking her to do. She knew that Hydra had plans for him, they had plans for everyone in this damn place, but what he was asking her to do...she just didn't know if she'd be able to do it. She shook her head in response to his words. "Bucky..." She started, frowning slightly. "Я не знаю, если я могу сделать это..." She shook her head once more. "Вы не собираетесь причинить мне боль..." She refused to believed that he'd do anything to harm her.

"Вы не знаете, что..." He replied softly, dropping his hand away from her face. It was a possibility they needed to confront, before it became reality. Bucky had no idea what Hydra had in store for him, or Natalia. They seemed to have no morals, no boundaries. "Ничто не мешало бы мне больше, чем тебе больно... Вы должны остановить меня. Для нас двоих." It was hard for him to talk about. The idea of hurting Natalia sickened him, but he couldn't promise that a day wouldn't come that meant he would hurt her. They were capable of forcing him to do anything... Everyone had a breaking point.

Natalia frowned at his words. She understood why he would bring it up. She knew that it was important for them both to consider all possibilities and scenarios, even the worst of them. "Вы звук так уверены, что это произойде ..." She said quietly. She knew that he knew more about what Hydra was capable of than she did, but how could he be so certain that it would come down to this? She didn't understand. "Если это произойдет, я сделаю это, но только если я должен."

"Это то, что мы должны рассмотреть ..." Bucky had learnt the hard way that anything was possible when Hydra wanted it to be. They'd frozen him, and kept him under for over forty years... Even thinking about it now it still seemed impossible, but it wasn't. It was a sick reality for him. One he wished he could just erase from his memory. In a godforsaken place like this, Natalia was the only thing he cared about. He wasn't sure if it showed weakness, something that Hydra could use as leverage against him, but he didn't care. He couldn't stop himself from being worried about her. "Я хотел бы сделать то же самое для вас"