All At Once

Audrey was seated in the office with her eyes cast down at her hands, she had yet to cry. She had avoided it at all costs, the situation at hand called for her to be stronger than she knew how. She looked up at her counselor.

"Is this really necessary, I found them dead - that's it everything is over what more am I supposed to say," she said as she looked at him pushing a hand through her hair.

I stared at the wall, my eyes on a spot. I had been staring at this spot since we sat down, I didn't have anything else to do. I hadn't spoken since we found them and were interviewed by the police. After all of that I shut down, not speaking. I functioned, but I wouldn't respond or speak to anyone other that Audrey, and I barely spoke to her anymore. I had nothing to say. The people who brought be in and made me who I was were gone. Taken from me and my sister and I wouldn't get them back. It was more than I could handle.

---

He smiled sympathetically. "You've gone through a stress. What you're feeling is normal, and I expect you to reject these sessions quite a bit for a while. Your sister hasn't spoke since the accident, am I correct? She's in shock. And you have yet to cry. You're handling the stress quite differently and I am here to help you both. This is why your officer brought you here."

"She talks to me, she doesn't have anything to say," she told him as she looked at him, "I have nothing to say, its been a week." she told him as she shook her head, a entire week without being able to talk to her mother; ask her how she'd get through this because she was gone. The woman who had brought her life, and filled her with independence and a voice of her own.

"I just want to go home," she told him.

---

Ryan walked into the room with food and water,"Miss Sinclair," he said as he walked into the room, "I've brought you something to eat and drink,"

I kept my eyes on the spot, truly becoming fascinated with it. Someone had put a nail to the wall, and hammered it in, creating a hole. However whatever was supposed to hang on it, didn't and the nail was removed leaving a hole. A hole that would never disappear. Just be covered up for appearances sake. I ignored the officer, I wasn't hungry. I couldn't remember the last time I ate, but food was the last thing on my mind. So I assumed the food was for Audrey instead.

---

He sighed softly, looking at her. "But you do. You just don't know it yet. You must be feeling something. Anything you're feeling is right, anger, numbness, confusion. Whatever it is you're feeling the sooner you accept it, the sooner you'll begin to heal." He said softly. "You're not going to be forced to stay, but you will have to return. This is a 12 week session."

"I'm feeling annoyed, no one leaves us alone anymore," she said to him, "the news, doctors, cops," she said to him, "People come over telling us their condolences when they didn't give a shit about my parents until they were dead she said as she began to get angry.

---

"Daniella, I've brought food please eat at least a little or we'll have to hospitalize you," he said as he sat down next to her putting the food on a small table in front of her.

I kept my eyes on the wall, still focused on it. I didn't want the food. I was fine. U ate at home, I just didn't want anything now. I used my toe to push the table slightly, not shifting my gaze. I didn't want it.

---

He nodded slightly as she spoke. "You can understand the presence of the police. But I know they did assign one officer to you and your sister. If you would like to see less people, tell him to screen the people so you only see who you want. These people who are coming, you say none cared? Did anyone come by that always came before?"

He sighed a little as he looked at her,"The funeral is tomorrow, you need to have your energy,"

---

"Of course I can understand the police, but these people don't care about us. They're using it as a reason to seem like good people,"

"Then don't let them. Do not allow people to force themselves onto you when they didn't care earlier." He said softly. "Tomorrow is the funeral. Do you feel as though you're prepared for it?"

---

The funeral. I wasn't sure I could handle seeing them like that. My mother and father who took me in and made sure I lived to see the age of two because my birth mother couldn't handle a child and didn't want to. I turned to look away from the hole, looking at my hands instead. I cried silently, the thought of seeing the two of them lifeless might cause me to shut down even further.

"No," she said to him, "How can anyone be prepared to see their dead parents and two siblings put six feet under?" she asked him as she licked her lips.

---

He sighed and pulled the packet of tissues out of his pocket, "Here, if you need anything I'll be out in the livingroom," he told her.

I ignored the tissues and sighed, sitting back on the chair. It was our fathers chair. His favorite place to sit and read, eat, watch tv, whatever he wanted to do. I wondered when Audrey would come back, she was still at her meeting. My session was silent. The counselor would ask questions that I wouldn't answer, and so I would be brought back by the officer who currently spent his days with us for protection. But he had been mostly unsuccessful in getting me to talk, no matter how much he tried. I looked at the food and sighed, taking a sip from the water bottle. I wasn't hungry.

---

He sighed a little. "What was your relationship like with them?" He asked her. "Who were you closest to?"

"My mom, and Lucy," she whispered softly, "My dad and I argued a lot but, Derrick was a bit of a prick," she snorted a little, "He was adopted at fourteen, he used to steal my jewelry if we're being honest I think he was selling it," she told him.

He nodded a little, smiling slightly when she spoke of her brother. "Younger brothers do things like that. If he knew it got your attention, it might have spurred him on." He said with a shrug. "You and your father argued, but you had an overall decent relationship, right?"

---

I stood from the chair, going to go sit on the porch swing. I couldn't sit in my fathers study anymore. It was beginning to suffocate me. I didn't really like being inside, I preferred being out of doors. I didn't like seeing people though. It bothered Audrey immensely. I didn't know if I was supposed to make sure the officer knew where I was going, but its not like he's ever heard me speak regardless.

"I don't know," she spoke softly as she looked at her hands, "My dad and I argued more often than not. He was always leaving mom alone, she needed him a lot, but we argued about how his job came before family," she said to him gently.

"I miss him though," she murmured as felt the flash backs of when she'd found four members of her family shot dead in the livingroom tied up. She began to breathe heavily and her body began to tense. She buried her face into her hands,"No, no no no no no," she repeated shaking her head.

---

"The police cheif is going to come a breif you on some decisions we've made," he told her lightly as he walked out.

I turned to look at him in confusion. What kind of decisions? I asked mentally, not having the strength to do it physically. He had gotten good at having one sided conversions with me, despite my not contributing.

---

He sighed slightly, standing to go grab some tissues for her. He put the box in front of her and sat back down, leaning close to her so she could see his face. "Calm down. I need you to calm down. Take a few deep breaths for me."

She was clenching her hands so tightly her knuckles were white, and she felt the blood drain from her face as she felt a scream emerge from her chest as she broke into sobs, her body heaving heavily as she fell against him.

---

"It would see we have a few problems, and we've gotten some note that you and your sister are being looked for. Did your parents know any sketchy people?" he aksed.

I shook my head slightly, gripping the back of the chair. Looked for? No. My mother was mostly home, and my father spent more time at work than anywhere else. What happened at work I didn't know. But did this mean we were in danger? What was going to happen to us?

---

He took her into his arms, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He tightened his hold until he was squeezing her, the tightness of the hug usually brought people back when they went into attacks. "I'm here, shhh. I'm here. Calm down. I need you to calm down." He whispered soothingly.

He nodded,"Alright, well we're probably going to admit you to the witness protection program. You'll be removed from the state til further notice, you'll be safe. A name change possibly even a look change," he told hr lightly.

---

She sobbed into his shoulder as she held onto her brain wasn't functioning properly, all she could picture was them dead on the floor with their eyes open, their blood painting a message on the wall telling her it was far from over.

Name change? Witness protection was common in movies. I knew how it worked for the most part. But in this case I might not see Audrey. Keeping us separate might be better than keeping us together. But I didn't talk. Who could they put me with? Where would I go?

---

He continued to hold her, trying to help her calm down. Normally he didn't get this close with clients, but what she had gone through was traumatic. Especially since she hadn't cried. Her sister walked in after she did, and no one had heard her speak since the accident. Her reaction was normal, whatever normal could be in a situation like this. So he'd help as best he could.

It seemed like she'd been crying forever when she finally stopped, her head was pounding, and her lungs felt sore from screaming. No more tears could escape her eyes even if she wanted them to. The ache in her chest was painful, and it made her cling to him for support as they sat there on the floor together.

---

He sighed as he leaned against the wall.