it's hurting you, but it's killing me

Lennox walked down the street with her coffee in her hand. Matt had asked her to meet him and his friends at the local bar and grill once she was done helping her sister. Lately Matt had been on edge since he to back to the states so she was trying to not upset him. Lennox felt he was just acting differently and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Lennox smiled as a few snowflakes fell from the sky. She had always loved winter and Christmas. Especially, spending it with Matt. Lennox walked into the grill and smiled when she saw the guys and Emma. "Hey." She said as she stood next to the booth where Matt sat on the end. She looked at him then leaned down and kissed him. She looked over at Emma and gave her a small smile. Lennox sat down when the guys scooted over. "Having fun?" She asked, looking over at Matt.

---

Zacky sat in the booth and took a sip of his beer. He kept his arm around Emma as he listened to the guys talked. Zacky looked over as Lennox walked into the bar, "Your woman is here." He said, chuckling as he looked at Matt. He looked over at Emma, watching her eyes. He really hadn't been a fan of taking her out in public lately. She had a tendency to piss him off with her wandering eyes. Zacky smiled at Lennox when she looked at him then looked at his friends. He felt like Emma had told Lennox more than she needed to know about their relationship.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

Emma returned Lennox's smile, watching as her friend took a seat next to Matt. She reached for her drink and took a sip, sitting back and listening to everyone else talk. Emma was surprised she'd been invited along, since Zacky didn't seem to like taking her places anymore, but she wasn't complaining. She just hoped that Zacky wouldn't get mad at her this time.

"Why are you so quiet, Emma?" The blobde jumped at the sound of Johnny's voice. She looked up from her drink to meet his gaze, shrugging her slender shoulders.

"Just listening to the conversation," she answered, smiling.

---

"Tons," Matt said. He tried not to sound as listless as he felt. The nightmares had kept him awake nearly all night and he was exhausted, not really feeling up to socializing. But his friends had insisted on having dinner and he couldn't say no. Matt reached for his beer, finishing what was left and setting the bottle aside. He'd have to ask the waiter for another one when he came back to take their orders. He leaned back, drapping his arm over Lennox's shoulders. Matt hoped no one wanted to do anything after, so he could go home and try to go to bed.

Lennox looked at Matt then leaned against him when he put his arm around her shoulder. She wished she could help Matt, but every time he had a episode he told her to go away. Lennox was surprised he had even came out in public tonight because he had been avoiding it lately. Lennox watched as he set his beer down then looked at Emma. She had been acting weird lately too. She took Matt's free hand and laced her fingers with his. She was glad that he was finally home. She looked over as the waiter came and Matt ordered another beer. Lennox looked at him, "How long have you guys been here?" She asked.

---

Zacky frowned as Emma spoke to Johnny then looked at his friends. He looked back at her, giving her a warning glare. Zacky looked away and kept his arm around her. He couldn't wait to just get home and relax. As much as he loved his friends he didn't have a lot of fun in public places anymore. Zacky finished his beer then when their food came he ate and pushed his plate away. "We gotta go." He said as he laid his money on the table. He looked over seeing Emma was still eating. "Come on. It's not like you need it anyway." He muttered the last part to her.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

@ American
Emma noticed the look Zacky was giving her as she spoke to Johnny and she shrunk back against the seat, falling silent. She felt embarrassed now, but it was her fault, she knew that Zacky didn't like when she talked to their friends. Emma saw that Lennox was looking at her too, but her friend's gaze was more concerned than Zacky's warning glare. She tried to barely glance at the waiter as he handed her her food, knowing that would probably make Zacky mad, too.

Emma frowned when she heard Zacky whisper to her and she sighed, pushing her plate away and following Zacky out of the restaurant. "I don't know why you have to be so mean to me, Zack," she whispered, buckling her seat belt.

---

Matt felt the corners of his mouth lift slightly when Lennox grabbed his hand. Even if he was exhausted and still a little on edge, it was always nice to feel her soft skin against his. It was one of the things he missed most while he was overseas. "Not long," Matt answered. "Maybe thirty minutes? I dunno." Matt took another sip of his beer, wondering if Lennox wouldn't mind driving home so he could have a few more. He leaned his head back against the booth, closing his eyes. He really was exhausted and it pissed him off because he knew he wouldn't get any sleep tonight, either. Unless he had a little more to drink. "Order me another beer," Matt said, sliding out. "I'm gonna go take a piss."

Zacky frowned as he got in the car and glared at her, "Maybe if you weren't so god damn stupid." He snapped at her. He looked forwards as he pulled away from the restaurant. Zacky glared ahead and then frowned when she went to talk, "Just shut the fuck up!" He yelled as he smacked the steering wheel. He gripped the steering wheel tightly as he drove the rest of the way home. He got out of the car then walked inside with her, throwing his keys on the table. "Make yourself useful and get me a drink." He said as he walked into the bedroom.

---

Lennox nodded when he got up, then ordered a beer for him. She watched as Zacky and Emma walked out of the bar. She sighed as she leaned back against the booth. Lennox let him back in booth then leaned against him as they talked to their friends. She looked at Matt as he talked to his friends. She was glad that he was finally back home. When they finished eating she walked out of the bar with Matt, getting in the car. She drove back to their house and walked inside with him. Lennox bit her bottom lip lightly hoping that he would get some sleep tonight. Lennox got ready for bed and laid down with him. "Try to get some sleep tonight Matt." She whispered as she snuggled up to him.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

Emma shrunk back against the passenger door when Zacky yelled at her. She looked down at her lap, biting her lip and fighting hard not to cry. She knew Zacky hated it when she cried and she knew he would just yell at her more. When they got to their house, Emma watched as Zacky stormed into the bedroom and sighed as she walked to the fridge. She stood in front of the open fridge for a few seconds, letting a few tears fall before she grabbed Zacky's beer and headed towards the bedroom. Emma quickly wiped her tears away before she cautiously stepped into the bedroom. "H-Here's your drink," she mumbled to Zacky. "I um, I'm sorry I made you so upset."

---

"I try every night, doesn't mean it's gonna fucking happen," Matt growled. If trying was all it took, then Matt would fall asleep as soon as he hit the pillow, instead of tossing and turning all night, assaulted with nightmares and flashbacks of his time overseas. He turned over to face away from Lennox and tugged the comforter up to his shoulders. He felt Lennox try to wrap her arm around his waist and reached down to grab her wrist, squeezing it tightly as he threw her arm away from him. "I can't sleep with you touching me, it's already hot enough in here," he snapped.

Zacky frowned as he took the beer from her, "Just let it go." He muttered as he opened the bottle on the end table. He set the beer down pulled off his clothes so he was in his boxers. He sat down on the bed and turned the tv on. He leaned back against the headboard, taking a sip of his beer. Zacky found something to watch on the tv and relaxed. He felt so pissed off at her and he couldn't shake the anger he was feeling. Zacky finished his beer then set the bottle on the table. He laid back, turning the tv off. He scooted closer to Emma and put his arm around her. He pulled her close and fell asleep.

---

Lennox frowned when he grabbed her wrist and pushed it away. "Okay." She whispered. She rolled over so she was facing away from him. She bit her bottom lip lightly as she laid in bed, listening to Matt toss and turn. Lennox closed her eyes, pretending she was asleep. She knew if she saw something it would just piss him off even more. Lennox opened her eyes and sighed before she got up, pushing the covers to the side. She looked over her shoulder at Matt, knowing he was watching her. She got up and walked to the kitchen. She got herself a glass of water, staring out the window. She knew he would get better, he had to. Lennox walked back to the bedroom with her water and set it on the end table. Lennox carefully climbed back into bed, careful not to touch Matt.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

"Okay," Emma mumbled. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of pants to change into, since she couldn't sleep in jeans. She thought about changing shirts as well, but it was pretty chilly, so she kept her sweater on. Once she was changed she went into the bathroom to take off her makeup before she laid down in the bed next to Zacky. Emma curled up on her side, facing away from Zacky. It wasn't long before she felt Zacky shift closer to her, putting his arm around her waist and pulling her against him. She wished he was this affectionate when he was awake, but when he was awake it seemed like he did nothing but scream at her. Maybe if I could actually do something right, she thought bitterly.

---

"You don't have to stay awake just because I'm awake," Matt said gruffly, feeling Lennox lay back down in bed. He'd felt her eyes on him the entire time he was laying in bed. He hated for her to see him so affected by his deployment, because if she knew how bad he really was she would badger him about getting help and he didn't want help. He didn't want anyone to know about this at all. Matt finally managed to fall asleep around eight in the morning, the exhaustion finally overwhelming him. But the sleep wasn't good or long-lasting and Matt eventually stumbled downstairs around eleven in the morning, giving up on sleep for the time being.

Zacky woke up the next mornin and watched Emma for a moment. He got up, getting a shower before he headed downstairs after getting dressed. Zacky walked into the kitchen, trying to decide on what he wanted for breakfast. He settled for some cereal and coffee. Zacky sat at the table, eating as he scrolled through his phone. He looked up as Emma came into the kitchen, "morning." He said.

----

Lennox stood downstairs with Matts mom as she talked to her. She ha managed to distract her from waking up Matt and now she was trying to decorate her house for the holidays. Lennox bit her bottom lip lightly as she watched her then looked over as Matt came down the stairs. His mom smiled, "oh Matty good you are awake." She said as she went over to her son and kissed his cheek. She stepped back, "I'm decorating because apparently you two don't. Lennox said no but I don't take no for an answer." She said as she went back to the box. Lennox looked at Matt and walked over to him, "morning baby." She said as she kissed him softly. "There's coffee in the kitchen." She told him. She held his hand for a moment, before she felt him pull away. She felt like she was losing him fast and it scared her. Lennox walked into the kitchen, "if you want to sleep longer you can." She said. She frowned when he said he couldn't. Lennox walked over to him and took his hand, placing some pills in his palm. "Take these it will help." She said. Lennox had taken them when he first left so she could sleep.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

"Morning," Emma mumbled. She went over to the cabinet, trying to decide what she wanted for breakfast. An egg and bacon sounded fantastic, but Emma knew Zacky would make a comment about it and that wasn't how she wanted to start her day. She grabbed a cereal bar from the box and went over to the table, giving Zacky a peck on the cheek before she sat down across from him. Peeling open her cereal bar, Emma chanced a glance at Zacky. "So I was thinking we could decorate for Christmas today," she said cautiously. "And um, Lennox wants me to meet her for lunch later, if that's alright."

---

"Hey Ma," Matt said, hugging his mother. Even if he was so tired he could barely stand, he always liked seeing his mom. Matt let Lennox kiss him, even though he always felt awkward doing things like that around his mom. He pulled away when she grabbed his hand, already tired of physical contact, at least for a few hours. He walked into the kitchen, frowning when Lennox said he could sleep some more. If he could sleep, they wouldn have this problem now would they? "I'll try them tonight," Matt grumbled, closing his hand around the pills Lennox gave him. He looked over at her. "Would you mind making me some breakfast?" he asked. "I'm starving."

Zacky stared at her for a moment, "I guess we can." He muttered. He finished his food then washed out his bowl. "Where are you guys gonna go?" He asked as he leaned against the counter, taking a sip of his coffee. He was worried about her going out without him, but he knew that he had to let her so people wouldn't think he was isolating her. Though as much as he would like that people would catch on.

---

Lennox nodded, "Sure does bacon, eggs and toast sound okay?" She asked. She was glad he agreed then started to get his food together. She began to make his breakfast and when it was done she set it at the table for him. "You're mom wants us to come to dinner tomorrow night. You know how she likes to throw that dinner before the holidays." She whispered as she let her fingers ghost down the back of his neck. She watched as he tensed then pulled away. He use to like that, but now it seemed it just made him uncomfortable.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

Zacky stared at her for a moment, "I guess we can." He muttered. He finished his food then washed out his bowl. "Where are you guys gonna go?" He asked as he leaned against the counter, taking a sip of his coffee. He was worried about her going out without him, but he knew that he had to let her so people wouldn't think he was isolating her. Though as much as he would like that people would catch on.

---

Lennox nodded, "Sure does bacon, eggs and toast sound okay?" She asked. She was glad he agreed then started to get his food together. She began to make his breakfast and when it was done she set it at the table for him. "You're mom wants us to come to dinner tomorrow night. You know how she likes to throw that dinner before the holidays." She whispered as she let her fingers ghost down the back of his neck. She watched as he tensed then pulled away. He use to like that, but now it seemed it just made him uncomfortable.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

"Probably that little Italian place downtown," Emma answered. She was really surprised that Zacky was letting her go, especially without an argument. He usually pitched a fit whenever she wanted to go out alone. "I can bring you back something, if you want. I know how much you like that place." Emma finished off her cereal bar and got up to throw the wrapper in the trash. She walked over to Zacky and gingerly wrapped her arms around his shoulder, turning and pressing a kiss to his temple. "You wanna help me get the boxes down from the attic?"

---

"Yeah, we'll have to go," Matt sighed. He hadn't been able to go to the dinner last year because he'd been overseas and everyone would be expecting him there tomorrow night. Which meant he really needed to get a lot of sleep tonight. He felt Lennox touch the back of his neck and he tensed up, feeling her move away. "Don't touch me," he said gruffly. He looked at Lennox, watching as a look of hurt washed over her face. But the terrible thing was, he didn't feel sorry for her this time. He was tired and he just didn't want her touching all over him like she always did.

Zacky sighed, "Yea bring me something back. You know what i like." He said. He nodded when she asked if he would help her, "Sure." He said. He pulled away then got up. Zacky walked to the attic and started to get some boxes down with her. He handed her a smaller box, "What else do you need?" He asked as he watched her for a moment. Some days he was okay with being nice to her and other days she pissed him off to no end. Zacky watched her for a moment and then looked at the boxes they got down.

---

Lennox frowned when he told her not to touch him. She didn't say anything and walked away. Lennox walked upstairs and made the bed, frowning as she stared down at it. She wiped a tear that fell down her cheek. She wasn't use to Matt treating her like this. Lennox sighed as she climbed onto bed, laying down. She closed her eyes, holding the pillow close as she tried to fall asleep. She fell asleep, opening her eyes when she heard Matt and his mom downstairs. She didnt even want to get up and go downstairs because she didn't know how Matt would act.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

"No, not unless you wanna help me decorate?" Emma asked cautiously. It was looking like today was going to be one of those rare days when Zacky was actually nice to her, and she didn't want to push things. She grabbed the box with the tree in it and dragged it into the living room. After she had the tree up, she glanced at her phone and realized she needed to go if she was gonna meet Lennox for lunch. After running upstairs to change clothes, Emma grabbed her keys and went to the door. "I'm gonna go now," she announced to Zacky. "I'll be back in a few hours."

---

Matt could feel his mom's stare burning into him as Lennox went upstairs. She made some sort of comment to him about how she'd raised him better than that and he just sighed. "Ma, I'm exhausted. And I just don't want her touching me right now."

"Well Matt, you've got to realize that you were away for a long time and Lennox missed you," his mom explained. "And now that you're back she just wants to be close to you."

Matt sighed. "I'll go apologize then," he mumbled, making his way upstairs. He saw Lennox laying in bed and he went over and sat next to her, laying his hand on her hips. "Lennox, I'm sorry I snapped at you."

Zacky nodded when she said she was going to leave, "Have fun babe." He said. He kissed her softly then went back to moving the boxes downstairs. When she left Zacky started to unpack the bags and decorate around the house a little bit. He looked at the tree, knowing that Emma would want to help with that. Zacky unraveled the lights for the tree and started to make sure they were working.

---

Lennox rolled over and looked at him, "It's okay." She said softly. She ran her hand over his, "I know you are under a lot of stress." She said. She looked at the clocked, "Oh crap i got to meet Emma for lunch." She said as she sat up. "Will you be okay til i get back?" SHe asked as she got up and started to get dressed. She looked at him, "Do you want something to eat?" She asked. She knew he would want something. Lennox ran her fingers through her hair and walked over to him. She kissed him softly, "I love you." She said. "I will see you in a bit." She said as she hugged him. She grabbed her purse then walked out. She smiled as she walked into the restaurant. She waved when she saw Emma. She sat down, "Hey." She said.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

Zacky nodded when she said she was going to leave, "Have fun babe." He said. He kissed her softly then went back to moving the boxes downstairs. When she left Zacky started to unpack the bags and decorate around the house a little bit. He looked at the tree, knowing that Emma would want to help with that. Zacky unraveled the lights for the tree and started to make sure they were working.

---

Lennox rolled over and looked at him, "It's okay." She said softly. She ran her hand over his, "I know you are under a lot of stress." She said. She looked at the clocked, "Oh crap i got to meet Emma for lunch." She said as she sat up. "Will you be okay til i get back?" SHe asked as she got up and started to get dressed. She looked at him, "Do you want something to eat?" She asked. She knew he would want something. Lennox ran her fingers through her hair and walked over to him. She kissed him softly, "I love you." She said. "I will see you in a bit." She said as she hugged him. She grabbed her purse then walked out. She smiled as she walked into the restaurant. She waved when she saw Emma. She sat down, "Hey." She said.

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

After kissing Zacky goodbye, Emma got into her car and headed to the restaurant to meet Lennox. She was the first one there so she chose a table and waited for Lennox, smiling when she saw her friend approach her. "Hey," she greeted. Lunch dates had been a normal occurrence for Emma and Lennox while Matt was deployed and Emma honestly enjoyed spending time with the other blonde. "So how's Matt doing?" Emma asked, handing the waitress the menu. She'd barely remembered to order Zacky's food and she was glad she hadn't forgotten, because today was going so good and Emma didn't want to piss Zacky off again.

---

"Yeah, get me some spaghetti," Matt said. He watched as Lennox got dressed and kissed her goodbye, smiling softly when she whispered to him. "I love you, too," he said. "I'll see you later." Once Lennox and his mom were gone, Matt decided to settle down in the living room with a few beers. Alcohol usually took a little bit of the edge he was feeling off. He never usually drank too much, but since Lennox would be gone for a few hours he figured it wouldn't hurt.

[Sorry went camping this weekend XD]

Lennox sat down across from her and then once they ordered she looked at Emma. "He's....He's alright." She said. She shook her head, "He is just having a harder time than he thought he was. Lennox took a sip of her drink, "He is doing a little bit better today, but he is barely sleeping anymore." She explained. "What about Zacky?" She asked. Emma had told Lennox about a few things that Zacky did, but not everything.

---

Zacky finished decorating then sat down on the couch. He sighed as he looked at the empty tree. He had never been a huge fan of christmas, but he helped Emma celebrate because she loved it. Zacky closed his eyes as he relaxed against the couch.

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