Black Pearl

She nodded a little then lifted her eyes tolook at him, "If its what you think is best," she said softly as she took a deep breath.

---

He nodded a little as he handed her the baby then ordered the maid to bring them something filling.

She took Amara into her arms and sighed, nursing her. She couldn't deny that she was her daughter, but she looked a lot like Jongdae as well.

---

He nodded a little. "i do. I don't think its something we need to involve your parents in this."

"I want things back to the way they were, I want you to smile at me again to be happy with me like you were because I miss you so much," she murmured to him as she sniffled a little.

---

He smiled a little,"Is it weird?" he asked her curiously.

"A bit," She mumbled, looking into the infants eyes. "I think she looks like you though," She murmured, burping her as she unlatched and wrapping her into a blanket. She handed her to Jongdae and sighed. "We should talk, about having another child."

He raised his eyebrows. "I just don't know if I can trust you again."

She looked at him then sighed as she looked at the floor, "There is nothing I can do to regain your trust then, I suppose I'll live like this," she murmured as she looked at him then down at their son. "I won't try anymore," she whispered as she ran her fingers through the hair on their son.

He looked at hertaking the baby in his arms, "We can wait, she is still young and you had such a hard pregnancy," he said to her lightly.

She sighed a little. "I should give you a son, but I wanted to tell you this. If I don't make it through another pregnancy, promise me that you'll tell Amara about me," She said softly. "That you'll raise Amara the same even if you remarry," She said seriously. "And that you'll love me, even though I was hard on you, that you'll keep loving me, for as long as you can until its time to move on."

He sighed, crossing his arms. "Fine, if thats how you want to be," He murmured, shaking his head. "I'll leave you then."

"It's not me who wants it this way, Luhan," she said to him softly as she looked at his back, "I want us back you're the one who doesn't want me at all, who doesn't trust me after everything," she said to him quietly her voice weak.

He looked at her then sighed, "Of course, is that even a question?" he said to her gently, "but you'll be fine," he said as he looked at her.

“I’m just saying if I do,” She murmured. “If you found someone though you should remarry,” She sighed. “You shouldn’t have to spend your life alone,”

He sighed a little. “Aren’t you? It doesn’t matter, in the end it’s always my fault isn’t it. My fault for trying, my fault for caring.”

"Oh you know what go have a pity party somewhere else," she muttered softly as she nursed their son then motioned for the maid to make her some fresh hot black tea, at this point she was steaming angry.

He sighed a little, 'I can't imagine life with out you," he said to her gently, "It'd be a long while before I remarried if you passed,"

She shrugged. “I just want you to know this. That’s all I want, just make sure Amara knows about me. And don’t forget me, that’s all.”

He laughed a little. “Of course, right away, Lady Han,” He flared as he turned to walk out the room

She rolled her eyes then looked at her son then sipped her tea before stood up and walked to the window facing the garden, hardly anyone was out there these days. What had she done to deserve this? She thought back to the life she could have had - a life where she was loved and not continuously blamed for things out of her control. Her friend had been right, women weren't meant to be happy; they were born to suffer. "Write Lord Jongdae tell him and his wife I'd like to come for a visit,"

He nodded a little, "I wouldn't forget you," he said softly as he looked at their daughter.

She nodded a little. “I don’t want to die but I’d want you to know these things in case the pregnancy was bad. But I’ll fight as best I can,” She murmured.

Luhan was laughing, he couldn’t believe it. Of course he would get blamed especially when she was the one out with another man. It just wouldn’t do.

She sighed a little as she packed things for her and the baby so they could go on a trip to visit Alexandra, she smiled hearing him coo from his bed. He was the joy in her life which was something she had always expected, "We're all packed, we'll only be gone a week, I'll have a wet nurse come with me in case I'm in need of a break," she said smiling a bit to the maid who nodded.

Jongdae smiled as he stood in the door, "Lyanna will be here sometime today, I've just gotten word - she's bringing the little one too,"

“Really? Luhan as well?” She asked curiously, carrying Amara around the room. “Would you like to hold her?”

Luhan walked into the room and was told his wife was going on a trip and he raised his eyebrows. “So you’re leaving me?”

"I'm not leaving you, don't be dramatic," she murmured softly as she looked at him, "I'm going to visit Alexandra for a week," she said to him as she closed the clasps on the suitcase then walked over to their son.

He shrugged,"No idea," he said to her as he walked over and took the baby, 'Of course,"

“And you didn’t think to tell me so I could see my own friend and escape this place for a while? No need I’ll go myself,” He muttered.

She watched him hold her and went over to the bed, falling flat and groaning. “My body is in pain, and my stomach isn’t shrinking,” She sighed.

"I had one of the maids tell you earlier this week,' she said to him furrowing her brow a little as she put a hand on her hip, "well, she told me she told you anyway," she mumbled as she stroked their sons head.

He sighed, "It's normal, every woman is different," he said to her lightly, 'It'll go down eventually,'

“I’m less worried about my stomach and more about the fact that I’m not sleeping,” She mumbled. “She doesn’t sleep through the night and wakes me to feed her. Luckily you have your own room to not hear any of this,” She sighed.

He sighed. “Forget it, I’ll ride horseback. I’ll be there before you do, so don’t wait up.” He said as he turned to tell a maid to pack his bag.

She looked down then looked to the maid, "Find Raina and ask her why my husband wasn't informed of our trip," she said to with a soft tone then sat on the bed.

He smiled a little as he sits next to her, "You can use the wet nurse every other feed if you need to?"

She sighed a little. “Yeah but I don’t know why she seems to be happy when I come see her, even if she’s just crying to be held.” She murmured. “I suppose it’s worth the sleepless nights then.”

Luhan told the maids he wanted his trunk on the carriage to arrive when Lyanna did. “Then I’m leaving, I’ll see you there or not.” He muttered.