Confess on My Wayward Son

When are you going to come, time of the month? It's about time again, isn't it?

Makes me angry that the only reason you support me writing is so that when my original is finished, you think you're going to get something if I publish it and it does well.
Are you fucking kidding me? First of all: No. Second of all: I'll be lucky if one person would even buy it. Dickhead.

You're a bit late, time of the month but it's fine. Because I can deal with the cramps well enough and since I'm not into having sex, I don't have to worry about pregnancy!

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I can't believe I stayed up so late last night. LOL. Oh well. In all honesty, I'm not tired, at least not by much, so...

I'm so sick of this. You get to treat me like absolute shit despite the fact that I do everything that you want, and you take her side because you don't want to deal with the drama. So here I am lol.

I'm steeling myself for the worst. This fucking sucks. Like watching a train wreck that will inevitably be a train wreck.

ssri withdrawal brain zaps + throat illness + menstruation coming up = nice. :u

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Seen the anaethetist and the surgeon, still got hours to wait though!

I came across my friend's boyfriend's account on Tinder. Welp, that's awkward. Eheh. I don't know what he uses the app for. For all I know he's just there looking for friends. But that app doesn't really have the best reputation. Ah well.

James is going with his sister to see the recruiter on Friday. I'm proud of him for wanting to get back into the Guard, but I can't help worrying about him. I wish I could pinpoint why exactly I'm worried as well. He's given me the gist of what to expect, but I gues the unknown is just always scary to me.

idk but talking with you is irritating me. Everytime we talk, you get all mopey and upset...it kind of annoys when we talk on facebook.

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;^; I pray to the universe for da both of us.
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I wanna see mi boy and run a hand through his green kale hair.

I am stressing way too hard about that mistake. He made it perfectly clear to me that I'm doing a good job but I guess ... years of being belittled and scolded took their toll. I'm afraid I'll wake up tomorrow to annoyed messages.

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I miss talking to you.

we've been talking more and more about meeting in person. god, he's so perfect. he keeps me motivated while also understanding that sometimes i just need a break. i haven't felt such a connection with someone like this in quite awhile. i could easily write 300 paragraphs on how much i love him already.:

I did it. I fucking committed. I booked our flight and it's official: we're going to Japan.
I'm excited and terrified at the same time. But most of all I'm damn fucking happy. I'm finally going on a trip, with the one I love and care for the most, no less. I'm so damn proud of myself for being able to make this happen finally.

I'm so confused because before I barely thought about you and you kind of annoyed me but now that I've cut things off I'm having romantic dreams about you??? wtf brain

Okay, I get it, I'm heartbroken. Let's get over it.

So I'm not trying to toot my own horn here at all, but there are times where I disassociate so bad and think I look the same I did back in high school and then I walk past a mirror at work and realize....no I don't. I look way prettier and feel slightly better.

But y'all it's been a goddamn struggle lately. To do anything. Wake up, write anything and all of that shit. It sucks major.

Usually when I make a decision I'm 100% sure in what I want and how I feel, but this one has made me backtrack so much and now all I want to do is see you??? But I know, like I know it wouldn't amount to anything - that we wouldn't be a thing and yet I want to go back. Jesus. I have issues.