Confess on My Wayward Son

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Welp he’s looking at my snaps, and he never does. I feel it’s his way of keeping tabs a little bit and seeing what I’m up to cause he’s a little nosy. Idk man I hate having a crush.

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I like her a lot already, but I’m not sure how or when to tell her about what my job is. I know she’s understanding, she’s probably the most empathetic person I’ve met, but I still have that fear that she’ll leave me if she found out about my job. I would never quit my job for anyone, I like what I do and it’s made me much more comfortable and confident about myself but I don’t know how to feel if she resents me for it. I like her too much to let her go already even though we haven’t been together long.

Staying up late to watch sims videos on youtube made me feel great last night. #NoRegrets.

Im viscerally angry with him and debating going to go ruin his stuff....but I wont.

Listening to old eighties hits really gets me in such a mood.

Oh yeah

I REACHED TEN YEARS ON MIBBA!!! !~~~

I've been feeling so crappy lately but things seem to be turning a corner for the better. I've got this course to look forward to in October, and the issues with certain people at work are finally being taken seriously. And the boys invited me to join their GTA V heist team and honestly, it sounds so stupid because it's just a bloody video game, but I almost cried I was that happy. I've spent months thinking everybody's just humouring me being around and the fact that they came to me and asked kinda cements the fact that we're all pals and they want me hanging around. I don't feel like as much of an outsider anymore. Adding onto that, the chat at work this week has been amazing and honestly, I'm so blessed to work with such an incredibly resilient bunch of beautiful people -- I genuinely feel like I belong when I'm sitting chatting with them all.

It's just been a really good week in general. Long may this continue because I am so sick of feeling like a complete failure at everything.

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Half of me is a know-it-all, analytical bookworm who's fascinated with rules and justice. The other half of me is a free-spirited, passionate artist who just wants to brighten people's day with beautiful things. And I have no idea what I can do in life that plays to both.

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How dare you. Thank you ever so much for putting me in this position. Now I get to ruin his day instead of you. Cheers for that. God forbid anyone around you ever gets close to happiness - you'll always be there to destroy it for them somehow. I can't wait for you to move away.

my anxiety is eating me alive this week.
I can feel it clawing at my chest and I don't know how to stop it.
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how can I be 25? how can I be at this point in my life
and feel so fucking stuck? how did this happen?

I honestly feel like there's a massive weight pressing against my chest because of all of this. We've made things a million times worse by telling management about them. No consequences. They're outright bullying people and there's no consequences. I don't know why I even thought that they'd do anything, not with the way that place is going. It's all bullying and harassment and blackmail all rolled into one package. I don't even want to go into work anymore. I don't want to go anywhere near the place. I don't want to see them, and I don't want to feel like I'm being talked about. I don't want to feel pressured into selling stuff to customers and be threatened with wage deductions / having my chair taken away if I don't. This entire thing has sent my stress levels skyrocketing through the roof and honestly, I just want to crawl under a rock and never come back out again.

I knew everything going my way was too good to be true.

Excuse me? Ex-fucking-scuse me? You cannot shatter your family and ruin something over a year in the making, be a grade A cunt the entire week, and then repeatedly let yourself into my house without even asking. You cannot use our stuff when you're 'done with us'. You demand respect in the form of us sitting through your disgusting, bigoted opinions and telling us we're stupid for believing simple things like a round planet, but you won't extend that respect into asking if you can come over and use the PlayStation and electricity that we and only we pay for. And what makes it worse? You know I'm sat upstairs right now, horrified that you've done this, knowing I can't say anything because I'll set you off and make things 1000 times worse, and you enjoy it. You're making a mug out of me, taking advantage of my fear of conflict and my chronic worrying. You say if he doesn't back down and effectively be opinionless he'll lose you. Maybe he should, because all I've seen you do in the last two years is tear him down and hold him back. There is no love from me anymore, you won't be able to repair this because I am now done with you, for good. I've forgiven you too many times, bit my tongue for his sake and put myself through so many awful conversations where you made me feel weak and useless and stupid. Not anymore. You finally had a friend after all these years of loneliness and you just couldn't have some decency and mediate yourself like we have had to do for 25 long, long months. Your life is empty, and I honestly can't say I have any sympathy.

paycheck paycheck paycheck pls.
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trying to confront social anxiety with action
more like
fast track to feeling like an annoyance. c:0

I watched To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and Crazy Rich Asians this weekend and lemme just say something—this is the inspiration I’ve been aching for since forever. And so for the first time in 8 months, I feel genuinely excited to start something relatively new.

YO BRAIN stop thinking about brokeback mountain, I'm trying to write my own vibe and yer messin me up.

Lmao what. When it was female victims and male perpetrators, all men were the devil and they were all guilty without any form of due process. But now a woman has been accused of stat rape, you beg for gentleness and innocence until proven guilty. Fuck off. I hate this bullshit, bollocksy #metoo movement and what it became before it inevitably left societies mind. This crap about only one side being culpable that's happening in all civil rights movements right now is bullshit. Oppressing those who once oppressed you does not mean you won, it just makes you as shitty as them.

The vacation was...kind of lack luster...because of the rain. And only because of the rain! But the drives were amazing. I think I've found that I enjoy the journey with friends more than I may enjoy the actual destination. Music and confessions between close friends and mountains and screaming at the top of our lungs at other drivers in both anger (a particularly annoying green Toyota Camry was traveling "With" us for more than 100 miles near DC) and ridiculousness (we started a new car game-- ride moan). The next time we do it I'll have an SUV which will be even better because the room in a hatchback is, well, barely any room at all.

In all, it was wonderful despite being water logged.
I'm sure I'll have more confessions to come out of it.

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If I've said it once I've said a million times, Batfleck is definitely the hottest Batman. Change my mind.

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I'm suddenly super excited for this semester.

My anxiety keeps spiking. I haven't had enough sleep this week, I'm on my period, I'm fighting a stomach bug. A hurricane is heading toward our islands, I didn't prepare anything (my boyfriend's family did, but I don't want to be encroaching on their provisions so much), all the stores are out of water and batteries, my mom is flying in tonight and her husband can't drive so they don't have anything prepared either. Is it hitting us on Friday? Is it hitting tonight? Weather is so fickle and I literally can't think straight with everything that's going on.