Confess on My Wayward Son

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UGH. Just realized that I signed up to work Friday AFTER I just signed up to work Sunday.

I hope you're doing well, my november boy.
it's been an absolute while, but I still think about you.
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do you really think I can do it?
I want to say yes, but I can't get my head to follow.

I keep listening to the song Yeah Right by Joji and feeling all types of...I can't even say.

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I should have never said that because I’ve been hung up on it ever since.

Still not done any work. Or Writing. So good at this responsible adult in education thing.

it says a lot about how much worse my insecurity got upon having dated You Know Who because I feel giddy when the person I'm dating now tells me to "please be careful" after having encountered two bad accidents on a road trip.

also he's sending me postcards from his trip to Japan. POSTCARDS. Who does that nowadays like thats so cute

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so I'm 7 chapters behind schedule for writing Wonderland but I'm trying to do this 30 Day Writing Challenge thanks to The Boy and it's really helping. I wrote 3 in the last 2 weeks I've been doing this so progress!!!

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I'm so tired of doing nothing when I come home from work, like it's turned me into a slug. So now I'm determined to write and read and not watch TV for too long, so I feel productive. I'm also going to try and hike more now that fall is coming and it's no longer Satan's asshole here ::eyeroll:

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I haven't been on here in awhile. I miss it.

I had such an awesome nurse today that I officially want to work in a SICU....

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ALL THIS NEW FALL OUT BOY STUFF IS MAKING ME CRY THE BLACK TEARS OF 2005. ALSO I MISS CHICAGO

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That should not be hot as fuck but it is....

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Do I feel bad for what I did? Nope, not one bit. You were becoming toxic and I don't need shit like that.

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I just looked up the facility because I just realized that I never actually have been there and....it doesn’t look like it’s been updated on the exiterior since 1922 when it was built....this is kind of terrifying for many reasons now at this point including aesthetic.

The older I get, the more cynical and the more hopeful I get. I am such a strange shape because as hateful as humanity seems right now I just have so much faith in us as a species. We are so smart, so driven, so committed to solving problems and adapting. But right now we are so selfish, out for our own interests regardless of the cost to others. I don't know how long it will last, but I do know we won't always be like this. There are people with good hearts who want to save the world out there, and there's more born every day. I could be as angry as the day is long at us, I'll always believe in us getting better.

today is looking brighter.

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we can do this by January. we have to if I
ever want to quit this damn job.

when the sleeping aid needs me to work with it instead of just dragging me under, kicking and screaming: excuse me, you need me to do WHAT

A real confession not meant to offend anyone: I genuinely don't understand how dissociative identity disorder works or how it can be properly diagnosed.

He's so cute, he's so passionate about the environment and recognizes intersectionality within all these problems we're having. AS A WHITE BOY. Shook, honestly. My half-black ex couldn't even get it.

I'm just super excited to get his post cards. Snail mail needs to be less of a snail ok I wanna read what he wrote me !!!

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I wrote 5 chapters within the last 2 weeks. I'm still like 6 behind schedule but honestly that's a feat. Still proud of myself.

I got engaged and it still sort of doesn't feel real.

If I didn't expect myself to be fucking beyond perfect all the time and I just lived my life and enjoyed my experiences, I probably wouldn't want to die so much.