Confess on My Wayward Son

Okay, so my extreme nervousness last night was due to the the ridiculously strong coffee I had earlier (I shoulda known, Peixoto always has strong ass coffee, rookie mistake ), but that doesn't mean I'm still not worried about tomorrow. I mean, I'm nervous because I don't want to turn into an emotional puddle in front of you, I'm worried that I won't say all the things I want to say because I'll freeze, but I am a little relieved to be doing this too because we never got the chance to see each other before and during, and this would be better (for me, at least) to be able to have one last hurrah before I move on for good.

Oh, and I'm scared you're just gonna look at me like you pity me, like you did something truly awful to me. That's one thing I'll never recover from.

I do not pay for Pandora One just for you to use it all day and not let me use it at all. NOT how it works.

Why am I not updating??

I thought I was making progress, I was doing perfectly fine over the weekend and today I had a breakdown. Maybe it's because of tomorrow and the fact that it's been 1 whole week and that I've had nothing to do all day. Guess grief does come in waves.

On a related note, I've realized that I'm not all that upset by how this went down because there's no good way to go about the situation. You did the best you could, I did the best I could. But the one thing I'm going to regret for long time is the fact that I'm the one that was so upset that I wanted to wait a little before we started changing things. I suggested Valentines Day instead of earlier and I should've just said Friday or Saturday like I knew I wanted. We never got a good memory to end on and I hate myself so much for it, even though I know it probably wouldn't have changed anything and you said that you didn't want to force it, but I just wanted a good memory for safekeeping. That's the main reason why I wanted tomorrow to happen, well, tomorrow. So that I (or we) can have that.

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Jeez, I need to stop posting so many confessions.

Don't claim that you are not racist when everything you do points to you being racist.

I wish I could forgive you for what you did as easily as he apparently has. It's like everything's gone back to normal and I know that he hasn't just forgotten all that you said and did, but it honestly feels like I'm the only one "holding on" to all the shit. I mean, maybe he hasn't forgiven you and he just doesn't want to talk about it anymore so we can all move on, but at least he's faking it better than I am if that's the case. Everything you say and do is bothering me so much. I can't look at you the same after it all.

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I wish I didn't know what you were like tbh. We had a better relationship when I didn't because now I'm finding it harder and harder to be around you without getting annoyed or put off because I know where I stand to you. It looks like we were doomed to have a shallow friendship because it's actually awful to realize how little you mean to someone you consider a friend. But you don't care. I know you don't and I don't think you realize just how painfully obvious you've made it. And I really did like our friendship before because you were hilarious and fun. Guess we should have never talked about anything more than the weather, huh?

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The Bias is strong this week.

I just HATE hypocrites. Like for real. I can go on and on about it but I'll just end up getting reported for bashing.

In another note, excited for tonight. Having sushi with a girl friend. Gonna take everything off my mind.

I don't even wanna bother caring about the fact that I might lose my job in the next three months.

I feel like I'm making things worse. He wanted to have sex for the first time in months and then had a potential seuzure. I always get him to leave the house so he's not just withering away in this basement but then he's in more pain.

I just don't know what to do. He never tells me the extent of his illness so I have no idea how to help.

I'm turning 22 in 21 minutes and all I can think about is how I don't want to get older.

Today is the day and I just have to remember that this is going to be good, we're going to be fine, get to see each other when we never did, and then leave it all behind. I, in particular, will come out better for it in the end. Don't be so nervous.

body shaming is just so nasty. can you please stop?

...just all the sigh...

I know the answer is that you're probably busy....but it's lowkey driving me crazy.

now I'm confused

No one, absolutely NO ONE can tell me that x genre of music is better than 90s R&B/hip-hop/rap T____T I'm sorry but I'm so emotional about these gotdamn songs. Just

whoever says otherwise can fight me, square up!

I'm supposed to make cookies today but I'm just so... I just wanna write, play Sims 4, and watch The Good Wife.

Oh, and shopping tonight. I'm still down for that.

Extremely happy to see that girl will be punished for lying about being raped and destroying two young boys lives because she wanted to get noticed by a potential boyfriend.
This whole 'believing the victim' mentality (right off the bat, when there's no evidence and a serious crime involved) does more harm than good in the long run imo.

ResLife just knocked on my door and I knew they were coming so I put on my headphones and had my music up loud enough so I could pretend I couldn't hear them and I totally scared the hell out of one of them when they realized I was here. Good news is that they're going to fix the toiler paper holder thing that's falling off the wall a bit.