^ Gotcha. .
Done.
Done.
X, please. .
- glitterati.:
- Story Review Game
First of all, your layout is amazing. It's so pretty and simple, and the gradient at the top of all the chapters is lovely.
I love your summary very very much, because it actually tells me what's going on and I don't have to, you know, speculate. Well done.
Her green eyes were swimming with tears that were threatening to fall. That's a lovely description. I haven't seen it around anywhere else. It's nice.
Beer spilled from the brown bottle in his hand onto the linoleum floor. I don't know why, but I have a strange penchant for the word 'linoleum'. I just think it's a nice word and you get bonus points from me for using it. :D
The entire chapter is really simple and yet so well written. It's really gripping and I love the idea. It's something that a lot of people write about but not many people can pull off, so congrats.
She brought her dark green eyes up to the rear view mirror… I don't know why, but this phrase jumped out at me. It's really… simple. But strong, at the same time, I don't know. I like her use of the word 'baby', too, that's sweet.
“If you weren’t out whoring around all the time, you wouldn’t even have the little bastard. That’s where the inability to close your legs will get you in trouble, you little slut.” This is a really intimate part of the story and I like how you've explained more into Daniel's character without sitting down and typing it all out in words – it matches the rest of the story.
I'm sorry this is really short, but there was very little description (and no grammar/spelling mistakes, hooray!) for me to really comment on. I love the idea overall, and you can count another subscriber. :D
August 1st, 2010 at 11:46pm