June 29th, 2011 at 07:51pm
... I don't know... I'm getting extremely close to crying, though. I scared of what I should do.
I heard somewhere, "Teenagers don't truely understand or experience freedom until they stray out into the world. Being an adult is like driving a vehicle, while being a teenager is like being tied in the backseat."
Plus a large amound about the friends of school and how everyone becomes thier own person. Personalities are being grown at this very moment and well as the ability to sense and experience apathy and choices. So we are not going to be the person adult that was once the teenager. So as such, group will realize who they really wish to be and be around. Every person you believed was an asshole and you are expected to 'put up with' will disappear, leaving only those whose company you truely enjoy. Friends from school will part ways from their groups of friends that they supported, each being falling support beams of a household why could not escape. Until they are removed.
...I'm sorry, I went back to stories.
People will split from each other without shared expriences. We'll lose things of common interest and naturally find our path ways.
For example, (I'm sorry before hand) I signed up for a ton of hard classes this year. (Ap Chem I, Apush, Pre Ap Pre-Calc & Trig, Ap English III, plus two extras that require a lot of outside work to be done) The person I first thought of informing was Victoria (A vietnamese chick in my grade who's a good friend now), followed by my grandparents.
Main points
*Without knowing, I had put you lower on my list of 'people I want to share things with.'
*I had wanted to start this entire thing with the quote of 'friends in school vs afterwards' with a thought about how I would probably not be able to continue school with you after high school because of out wanted careers (me nursing, you shop owner) so we are less likly able to find one school that specializes highly in both.
Then I realized... I'm not even sure if you still want to own a shop now.
PLUS I had actually been leaning away from a nursing degree into a mathmatics field of some kind. I don't want to take statistics, but rather continue into calc I in my senior year. And I'll prob. not want to take two math courses after both tri and Pre-calc.
*Am I right? Should I try keeping up again? Should we require we each send eachother email to keep a drift from forming between us? But we're both busy people. How long would it take me to forget? To just drop the computer because of homework or something else? Should I let you drift away as I crawl my way into the river or make this painful? How could I be sure or is that the entire problem of my thinking?
Dos my way of thinking 'let go or do not' have to be the way I think? Can both coexist? Does anyone of my ablilities (being how limited they are) have a chance of keeping a delicate.. balance working successfully?
The feeling is so complicated. You're not any problem, but rather myself. We we're led down two roads of our own, and you... no I. ME. MYSELF being I do not want to leave you behind. I want us BOTH to travel forward on our own roads. DO NOT look back in sorrow. We both had it great in the long run! It's not goodbye, although true it's bittersweet parting.
Does that make sense? To let go while still holding on AND to muturally agree to let eachother grow until we find our paths. There is more people to meet. There's more expirences to be had! Be can hand ourselves to fate while still keeping our hearts and minds! Because goddamnit WE are strong people! Because goddamnit WE are both seperate and together! Our chains are strong and we far. SO fuck the world, I'LL BLOW UP THE WORLD. I can turn from you in amazing explosions AND still be by your side. Because the world's a motherfucka, but it's dick is short.