Dezi Demize / Comments

I was just thinking about you <3

Honestly, if things had ever been more with me and Jacob, I probably would cut him out of my life. But...we're friends. Just friends. And now that I know where I stand with them, I think I can better handle it. I'm slowly teaching myself to let things go and just hang out with them without placing too much importance on it.

Ah, okay! Do you like your job? I know some people say that no one really likes their job, but I don't believe that. And that sounds amazing! You're gonna look gorgeous, as always. I can't wait to see it.

I didn't get to go to Atlanta. Some personal drama went down on her end, so she's not even sure she's going to get to celebrate her birthday the way she wanted to.

Because I just don't think it means anything to him. I think they say all of the right things, but they don't think about their words--or me--outside of the moment in which they say them/see me. And it sticks with me. I remember everything that happens because it matters a lot to me. I hate that I care more than I do. That gives them way too much power over me.

Have I ever asked you what you do? Lol. Because I don't think I have. What's the theme for the photo shoot this time?

Umm, my weekend was okay. I've been busy helping my dad get his car fixed. He took it to the mechanic last week, but there's still a problem, so Dad has been using my car...and I'm not sure my car isn't having an issue that needs to be taken care of. I guess we'll find out. I might be going to Atlanta next weekend to spend a friend's birthday with her.

Well, as I'm sure you've seen, I'm back in touch with Lynam. It's been interesting. In a way, things are the same. They aren't acting different or anything. But from my end, everything has changed. I still care about them, and probably always will...and honestly, my heart still melts a little when Jacob says he loves me, which he has at the last two shows. Is it weird that even though he was being sweet, it made me want to cry?

How have you been?

I just don't want to go see them and have them act like nothing's wrong. I think that would make it hurt worse, ya know?

That they're jerks and unnecessarily crude and they use people and have egos that they don't really deserve. I was always convinced people were jealous, or didn't know them the way that I did, but...joke's on me.

That is true. I'm sorry in advance for the notifications you might get when I go through and "like" a bunch of your photos. <3

Right? And they make me laugh. Vocalist Bryan Bozeman said he writes fast lyrics so that if he messes up, he can be like "Shamalamalamalama" and no one will even notice. Then Danny goes "Watermelon, banana, banana." And Ryan added "Banana, banana." Which is from a movie, apparently? My friend said she thought it might be from The Emperor's New Groove, but I'm not sure.

I thought I wasn't bothered over it, or not that much anyway, but I don't know...I cried the other day when I was talking about it. I'm moving on, though. Now, I'm just trying to figure out if I need to go see them and try for some kind of closure.

I bet it would get a LOT of views. I've been hearing people talk about David for a while. I used to ignore it, but given my current feelings about that band, I'm starting to realize that everyone else saw that they were assholes way before I did.

Oh, okay! Haha! I haven't been a creeper on your Facebook photos yet. Tee hee!

I can't wait!

I gave their bassist, Danny, a little piece of the story about Lynam, though I didn't actually say which band I was referring to. His response was that any band who stops appreciating their fans and all what they do for them should quit, immediately. He said the best prize was the fans, even more than the money or the potential fame. How can you not love a guy who feels that way? I wish more bands had that attitude.

Nope! They haven't said anything to me, and I haven't said anything to them. I guess it's really over.

YES! Lay the pimp hand down! You'd let me video it and post it on YouTube, right? Lol.

I wish I could see the shooting stars. Not because I'm a perv or anything, it just sounds really cool...and kinda sexy. You have to post a picture of the Bettie Page mermaid for me!

Okay, I now have my favorite quote from the Almost Kings interview. It's an exchange, actually, between drummer Kevin and guitarist Ryan. I'll share something funny next time; this just proves the kind of guys they are. So my brother asked them what they wanted to do with their success, and this is what they said.

Kevin: I wanna help some people. We had a fan the other day hit us up that was in a serious deep depression and she said that our song saved her life. That's what I want to do. That was the coolest thing.

Boze: She said she didn't get the words until she was ready to hang herself and then, she listened to it again and all the words made sense.

Kevin: We had another fan that had an illness and they said, you know the placebo effect, like with happiness and stuff you can beat those things? She said she jammed her music and it literally helped heal her.

Ryan: That's what it's about. They say if...what's the saying? 'If you're working a job you love, then you never work a day in your life?' I would say if we can do that and continue to help people and make people happy in the process, then we've done our job and we've done it right.

I know I shouldn't. But confronting Lynam with the problem is never going to be an option. They would just look at me and be like "I don't know why you're so upset." OR they would suddenly pull the "we're just a band and you're a fan. You didn't think we were friends, did you?" (One of their friends already said basically that exact thing to me, that Lynam is just a band and he doesn't know why I take what they do so personally.)

You would be tempted to punch him in the face. And I would love to see that.

I've been warned! My plan was to get it on my back, on my shoulder blade, because I don't want it to be huge, but it will be too big to put on an ankle or wrist or whatever. I've always heard the more skin there is between the needle and the bone, the less painful it is? So, like, it would hurt more on the wrist than the shoulder... How many tattoos do you have?

I've ranted and raved about it to my mom and my friend Heather. Lol. But when I tell someone that I'm mad at someone else, I hate to not tell them WHY. That makes it seem like I'm being childish.

No. David Lynam is never wrong. He's perfect. *cough*

Not yet. I have one that I've been wanting for about four years now. One of my friends drew it up for me, but then she moved away and says she lost it in the process. So I'm working on getting someone else to do it.

It was epic. I laughed the whole time. I think I have a new favorite band.

I'll message you the details.

That's just David. He'd rather die than admit that he or anyone else in the band did anything wrong. They never take responsibility for their actions.

I saw the Betty Page mermaid tattoo idea you posted on FB! That's so awesome! I want a tattoo. =/

I interviewed Almost Kings this past week and let me tell you...it was the most fun I think I've ever had. Lol. They are absolutely hilarious and really easy to talk to. I think I'm in love.

Jacob lied to me. We'll just leave it at that. And no, I haven't spoken to him for a while, or gone to a show. Funnily enough, now David is giving me the silent treatment and acting like I did something. Jerk.

I'm glad So, anything new going on?

I love how you always manage to reply when I'm actually signed in. Lol.

Umm...actually, I'm not speaking to Jacob at the moment.

Reading your statuses on FB, I'm guessing you had a great birthday?

No. I'm always afraid to point out to him when he acts like my bodyguard...or an overprotective boyfriend. I don't want to make things weird between us. And, if I'm totally honest, I don't know that I want him to stop. I mean, I'm torturing myself by not putting an end to whatever this is, but I can't help it. I just like him so much.

I just don't think he has any right to do that. Or he should at least ask me if I'm interested in the guy first, instead of walking out and acting like he owns me. At the same time, I really enjoyed the hug.

Really? Wow. Well, up until the Jacob kiss on the cheek in 2009 and the Cody kiss on the lips in 2011, the only people who had ever kissed me were my female friends. Lol.

I saw Lynam this past Friday and the place they played had hired a new in-house sound guy. He apparently thought I was cute and was totally hitting on me at the end of the night. Then, Jacob comes out from the office, where he was getting paid, and cock-blocks the poor guy. I was sitting on the edge of the stage and Jacob wraps his arms around me and tucks his face into my neck (purposely turned AWAY from the sound guy) and tells me goodbye. He also managed to turn his body enough that his backpack caused the sound guy to have to take a step away from me. It was funny, but I don't really know why Jacob bothers.

No, unfortunately. Which is really weird, because every year since I've known them, I've seen them on or near New Year's Eve and gotten kisses (at least on the cheek). I met David's wife, though. She was awesome. And gorgeous.

I had a wonderful Christmas and I rang in the New Year with Lynam. Lol. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!

Not really. Just trying to get my Christmas shopping done. And I'm spending this weekend with one of my best friends. She had to move away for school, but she's home for the holidays, so we're going to see Lynam together. Lol. What about you? How's life?

I haven't. I'm actually really shy in front of the camera. I have to be around the right people to feel comfortable posing and such. I mean, posing with band guys is no issue, but my friend Tiffany is the only one I've been willing to dress up and pose for.

I saw Chase this past Friday. We did what we always do and flirted and stuff. He kept trying to tie me up using the band's cables, then he grabbed the back of my jacket and shoved my face down to his crotch. Yeah...it's okay, though. I offended him by telling him that I was dressing up the next night for another band. He was irritated cuz he wanted to see my costume. I said another guitarist deserved it more. (Just check out my profile picture on Facebook; you'll see what I mean.)

Because David isn't the nicest person in that band, and even though he interacts with their fans the most, he is also the one who seems to get the most fed up with fans. I guess I didn't realize until that moment just what I meant to them, to him. Jacob messaged me two days later and thanked me for helping them out and said he considered himself "very lucky" to get to spend so much time with me. <3

Well, thanks! :) That means a lot!