The Detention Chronicles - Comments

Oh my, oh my, Dante's back!2 I can only say that I enjoyed every single word of this chapter! I'm becoming quite fond of this character :D

It's been a long time but I personally fell in love with this story. Dante is such an intriguing person and his way of thinking and speaking draws me in quite easily. I'm so very overjoyed to see an update in this story; it had disappointed me to have learned long ago that an update was not in the near future. But now it has finally come and there is no disappointment in my head.

<3 Jenn

OMFG A COMMENT! :lmfao

Nope, you got him just right, that's all I'll say.
I'm happy you like him enough to actually think about this. XP

Can I tell you a secret?

I've been stalking your page for months in hope of an update. I have no life.

So yeah, fuck me with a frying pan.
You updated.



"I rolled my eyes at the sound of her husky voice – the woman was a synonym for a fuck even when she wasn’t trying to get laid."

Megalulz. Dante is such a sharp little asshole.

I adore how he's so analytical. Is he? I don't know, that's what I got. How he takes everything around him, even his own thought processes, and deciphers them right down to the bone. Like the whole double innuendo thing.

Someone up there said that Dante reminded them of an autistic person, I think. I'm completely with them, except for I see a slightly different aspect of autism - again, it's his in depth observation of absolutely everything. Such assss:

" “Oh, I’m sure your father is more than willing to ship you off to any college of your choosing, Mr. Reed,” note the lovely accentuating of the phrase ship you off. Guessing her college degree in Psychology wasn’t earned by sleeping with the professors only.

Then again, he's obviously great at reading people and their mannerisms, which would make him highly un-autistic. And yup, I'm totally contradicting myself. Yay. Heh, this comment is so rubbishy, so I'd better stfu soon.

Ooooh, and you finished the chapter on such an intriguing note with the return of the Kurt Cobain-alike!

Anyway. This is great. Like I said, I've been waiting a long time for this. Lulz stalker baii now.

Okay. I'll try with reasonable convincing, instead of threating to kill you unless you update.

So I was wrong. I was misled by your fancy vocabulary. It's not the word usage I like. It's not about looking up the word I didn't know.
I read it again.
But this time I just kept reading, even though there were some words I only understood because of the context. That was definitely a smart move, seeing as it made me see Dante in a different light.
He's not just a sarcastic critic that retreated to his own world. He reminds me of an autistic child. It's like he's dissapointed in this world and it's way of life, even though he never tried it.
And like that book you lent me said, it's like he already knows how miserable that life is, so he lives in his own, more realistic world (or something along those lines). It's ironic, really.
He reminds me of a character I once read about, but I can't put my finger on. He's observant to the point where it gets annoying. His constant criticism making you want to show him just how exciting and beautiful people, life can be. And when you try to show him, you realize just how right he is. It's not as pretty as I made myself think and I realize I haven't given Dante enough credit.
He criticizes everything. Everyone's flawed. Rather pessimistic. Just what an intelectual should be like. He criticizes himself too. I find that interesting, too.

Dante is mind-blowing. I don't think I'll ever understand him and his view of things, but I'd like to try.
So, please, give him a chance and update. It's been 8 months. Please.

It will. I need to plan it out and all that stuff cause I'm too caught up in school at the moment.

is this story going to continue??
i would really like it to.

Okay, so I chose this one because the title immediately caught my eye. 'Detention Chronicles' - it just sounds cool, fun, it drew me in.

''The scalding heat outside poured into the confined room in the library and my thoughts raced back and forth frantically as beads of sweat began to form on my forehead. The detention supervisor stared at me quizzically, but I refused to get out of my hoodie. I presumed I’d be much better off if I collapsed during detention and got to sue the pants off our principal.''

Well-structured, vivid and humorous opening. It made me smile. :]

The dictionary definitions were a nice touch. A very original idea. I immediately pictured this kid, bored silly in detention, flicking through a dictionary. I also like how the defintions seemed to tie in with everything around him. The omnipresent heat, the flake of a teacher, the coke references.

''Its omnipresence stretched over the bounds of this claustrophobic room and reached farther away, over the playfields and soccer players, webbing through their restrained bodies, drawing them out of breath, and farther, into offices and houses causing unease and argument as it hovered in the stale air and shrieked with tension, pulling at my nerves.''

There is no particular reason for why I quoted that, except for I adored the evocative imagery. :]
I love the rambling, train-of-thought-type [yeah, bad english, sue meXD] style. It's distinctive and realistic, like a little window into your character's mind - whom I loved, by the way. He was dryly cynical and interesting.

''He didn’t look at me, or stare back at me, he stared me down with his lost Kurt Cobain style and demeanor, serving as a walking ancestor to the emos today.''

Haha, my favorite line.

The ending of chapter two was perfect. The definition of ''incipient'' set the scene for the rest of the story perfectly, pulling us in for more.

Great work, I really enjoyed this! It's in the review game section too.

This is a great story!
I like how he uses the words after reads them.
Plus I can sound all smart now... =]
-subscribes-

^^^ THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!!!!
well, read, actually, but who's keeping track??

Oh, don't worry, I'm not dropping it. :XD I'll update quite soon. I was away for a while. ;) And thanks.

i know that this is an old story, but i think you should really continue it.
it is very well written and interesting to read because it's different from many other stories on here.

who know, it may even make us smarter for reading it.

Bastard Son.:

That's the point of Dante. He always exaggerates with his word-usage. xD

And that's what I like the most about him! The words he uses, that seem to overwhelm his mind, are what captivates me. Even though there are so many of them, I can't get lost. I can follow his train of thought without any confusion. Except when I have to look up a word in the dictionary.:tehe:
I honestly don't know what to say about this story - your style fascinates me. I have no idea how you got the idea {lol}, but it's one of your best. Most of us observe the world and comtemplate the way Dante does, so it's a bit easier to understand his earnest remarks.

wow, this story is awesome! I can't wait to see where it goes. *subscribes*
I adore the way you fitted in those dictionary meanings with the story, and the way his thoughts go off on tangents, your writing just totally owns me! *is jealous* :P
And i agree with the others, the summary has got to be one of the best summaries ever!

'I imagined our librarian being all sexy on cocaine, dancing around the book-latter with wild blonde locks bouncing off her nude shoulders. The room grew hot and sizzling once again.' <---- This made me laugh so much!

Damn you for making me blush now.
No, really, wow, thank you.

Um... so... I'm gonna quote now... beware!


I trudged down the street and stared at the impeccable front lawns. The strap of my messenger bag cut itself into my shoulder and kept me awake on my stroll to school. The school bus buzzed next to me, enveloping me in its ozone-eating, acid-rain-creating, plain, old reeking fumes. I coughed and rolled my eyes, feeling the school-induced neurosis already creeping up on me, even though the building, otherwise known as The Penitentiary or simply The Pen, was still completely out of sight.

Completely ignorant to the traffic around me and with my ‘hell-toy’ blaring in my ears I crossed the road and survived, to the grave disappointment of some. With Nick Cave singing about his Lovely Creature I mused about mine with fingers fumbling inside the pockets of my jeans. Girls around here were so common, bourgeois, humdrum, prosaic. Not boring, no—Were they? Boring, were they really? Or was I boring to them? Everything was mundane nowadays. I decided not to succumb, not just yet.

The pavement was stained with greasy oil-stains, trudged and driven on for far too many times, worn down by harsh winters and hot summers. My gaze stuck to it, while the soles of my chucks scabbed its weary, gray surface even louder than before. I could hear it through the bass-line blaring in my earpieces.

Inertia creeps, moving up slowly…

I lifted my gaze just to catch the eye of the resident school most-likely-to-fail-in-life. His dull gray eyes captured mine and held them hostage with their inability to express any sort of emotion. Still, it wasn’t that emotionless, dispassionate gaze, it wasn’t empty and devoid of every inch of humanity like one may expect; I had checked those words in my dictionaries far too often. At times, I feel as though I am a bit too wrapped up in words, when deeds are the only reality today. His gaze wasn’t as barren as mine, as the one I saw in my reflection yesterday. I disagreed with my dictionary one level. Reflection could not mean the same as counterpart.

Gutter mind.

I lost him, and his eyes let go of mine. He entered The Pen and I stayed behind, leant against the dark blue fence, saying my goodbyes and paying my respects to his back and the knapsack hung over them. My writer’s aspirations had finally started to interfere with my thinking. I dramatize way too much. The guy left. Period. I stayed behind. Period.

I didn’t know what I was waiting for. But it didn’t feel right – going into The Pen before the tardy bell today. The air was laden with smog and chatter – what was not to like? It always seemed enticing for me, to just watch people and have them not being able to watch me. Stuck to the fence and immobile, completely lost in my thoughts… I was as good as invisible.

I HONESTLY cannot pick out a smaller part that I liked best. I loved this entire... thing. I frickin' mean it. It was just so realistic, so imperfect, so... I dunno, the emotion just FLOWED, as it always does with your writing. The description is brilliant as always, and I again cannot pick out a favorite. I loved everything up there. :D


Yes. Epicene features. Their red shine spreading around the intruder’s epicene features. I dared to stare back for a little while longer to notice high cheekbones and the feline shape of the mute’s eyes. His lips, pressed tightly together and pursed in attentive contemplation, took on a shade of red, with yellow outlining their fair lines, the pressure being almost too obvious. He didn’t look at me, or stare back at me, he stared me down with his lost Kurt Cobain style and demeanor, serving as a walking ancestor to the emos today. I struggled not to huff angrily.

The description here was effing wonderful. I dunno, like you made it like how someone would normally think and make it not over the top at the same time. The perfect balance, you know?


Appropriate, I mused and bit into my lip as I studied the page warily. Quite appropriate. A lumpen, a commoner and a vulgar being. Profane? I wouldn’t go that far. I was stared down like a lumpen. How did one exactly lose social status? Wait. Kids, well, teenagers here, we couldn’t have a social status. Our parents had one, we were born into theirs. But it wasn’t ours. Was I born to be a socialite? Was the intruder born to be a lumpen?

The insights here were genius and truthful.

And the last line, at least I came prepared. Well, I don't know how else you could have ended it. So sorry for not reading the second chap sooner. GAH.

That's the point of Dante. He always exaggerates with his word-usage. xD

This is great!
I love the voice, how there's almost no dialogue like...ever. Usually, I hate that because I'm a complete diaologue whore or whatever but...it was great!

Although, the very first paragraph of the first part just seemed to be like...slightly awkward. Almost as if you were putting adjectives for adjectives sake. I dunno, maybe it's my headache. But it really is beautiful.

Sara..Um. Where to start.
Well the first chapter was written so well. It was beautiful and I liked how you had the definations in there. I never seen anything like that. The second chapter was shockly great as well. Splendid job. Even if I didn't know how to say most of them words (=

*Lonna

"Teach rolled his eyes as I pulled out an English dictionary from the shelf nearest to me. - That's what I wanted to hear. A man carrying an English dictionary.

"I may have been a senseless prick at times, but I had my manners." That was so nice to hear. I wish I knew what to expect from Dante (:

To be honest, I didn't expect anything else - I mean, I got what I wanted. A chapter readable in one breath, a recognizable style of yours, descriptions that I like. As you said yesterday, once again, we're back to the same Modus Operandi - your great updates! I pay attention to naming characters - and yours are named perfectly.