Just Stay With Me Awhile - Comments

that was good <3
I feel rude when I comment.. cause i seem demanding?
I don't know.
But, more Jesse? once you put him in there, he needs to show up.
It's killing me. I love him for her!

zacky is so lame lol. this story makes me laugh. anyways UPDATE!!!

Thank you for the special thanks.
I'm glad I made you laugh.
I like making people laugh
and btw
I'm still on my knees. xD

Hey, yo! I really like this, and I think it's pretty legit <3 Soo, you should tell me when there's more, yes?

I vote that because both Steven Tyler and Nikki Sixx have read your stories and left comments that you should update xD
Pretty please. Steven Tyler is on his knees begging for you to update again soon

YAY UPDATE!!!
It's been a while.
Really like the new chapter... keep it up!!!
<3

love it.

So I commented another author and told them how excited I was for them to update the story and have Zacky walk in on the two of them having sex. Then I realized it was the wrong person and then I realized this was updated.

I loved it. Hope she makes it back okay!

Whoo!

So I think you should update this as soon as you read this comment.
I love it and I'm subscribed :]

story review game, chapter seventeen.
“I may not have been singing like my Dad, Uncle Tommy, but I’m not going to disappoint the fans and not sing. I’ll sing, and I’ll run around the stage like a madwoman. But get one thing straight; I ain’t dancing with Tammy and Samantha,”
There are a few minor errors in this sentence. First off, Dad should not be capitalized, because it’s only capitalized in cases where it is taking the place of a name. I.e.: “Tomorrow, Dad’s taking me to the mall.”
The phrase But get one thing straight sounds odd to me. Maybe it’s because I’ve never heard it phrased like that? I’m not sure, but something sounds odd.
And, because Lili is finished talking after her “I ain’t dancing with Tammy and Samantha” rant, there should be a period because she is finished speaking.

“Fine,” He said in a voice that said Lili won.
He should be lowercased. :3

Before you know it, Dad’s going to be back, and the stripper’s will be right in front of you again. But for now, you have to watch them from the side.”
Strippers shouldn’t have an apostrophe. Just strippers.*

“Yeah, as ready as I can be, I guess. I’m definitely not my Dad.” She mumbled.
Again, Dad should be lowercased (and I’m done pointing that out now), and there should be a comma after dad, and she should be lowercased.

You switch between periods and commas a lot after quotations and the speaker tags should always be lowercased, unless a proper noun. ;D

“Do you want to know which asshole it wass?”
One too many s’ on was.

She thought that most of the female fans had been like that; but most of the audience was women, and they were cheering too.
It might just be me again, because I have no grammatical rule to back myself up, but ‘most of the audience were women’ sounds far better to me. That’s probably just how I would write it and I don’t quite know why. Dx

I mean, I think the asshole deserved it.
Your italics didn’t work here. :3

She began running around the stage, much as her father would have done, and stood made a great connection with the audience when she burst into the chorus.
Do you maybe mean soon instead of stood? Or did you leave out words?

As soon as she was out of sight from the fans, Zacky touched her arm, and Nikki yanked it off of her.
I don’t quite thinking yanking is the quite word for Nikki’s actions. Because when I read it, I saw Nikki physically jerking Lili’s arm off of her body. Maybe swatted or smacked instead?

You write emotion well in your characters, but the only other thing I have to say is, when your characters are talking to each other, they use names a whole fucking lot, dude.
Almost every other sentence states a name in it and it gets kind of repetitive
Overall, you write well, though you did have a few grammar errors.
(:

AMAZINGG :'D

Awsome!

;o; I like this..

Update or something? pwease?

ahahaahaha! zacky got told! haha i feel so bad for lili!

YAY... Update!!!
<3

aw. I love it.
Poor Zacky, but at the same time, I hate him.

I LOVE IT UPDATE SOON!!!!!

O.O holy...

thanks for commenting.