Shatter - Comments

wow... again... wow.

i have a question... but it might ruin the ending for your other readers for other stories... so.. i shall appreciate the private message.

very well written and just really, really fucked up. loved it.

honestly, I found this very confusing. And I hate saying that, because I say it so often. But I do, and i didn't want to not comment because of it. So I'm commenting.

Wow.
This is very good!
I love how you wrote it.
It captured every little detail.

Dear Gerard,
You suck, dude.

Dear Horsie980,
YOU FUCKING RULE!

Sorry for like, stalking this story.

*shudders* I don't even know if I can read past chapter one, I am scared. That...oh my god, I didn't even see it coming. It was such a build up of emotion. Working your way through all the details. The jumps between past and present were not effortlessly and naturally. They weren't choppy at all. And I didn't even see it coming between your manuvers. And just...one word "Casket," just tore everything apart. Like, I really can't make a coherant review because I am just in shocked. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, because I was stunned. I just sat there for five minutes wondering if I read it correctly.

I want to read the rest but, it sounds like I may have to pace myself if every chapter has this much emotion. Beautiful, absolutly stunning.

i like your profile pic. XD

[/spam]

Damn. That was pretty unexpected. Randomly turning Frank into the killer.

I'm also a bit confused. He killed Bob and then he killed Ray? I like how you're only giving us bits of the story but I swear to god if there's only four chapters total I will kill you. Because I still don't don't get the whole picture.

Hanyway...I loved the first chapter. I love the last line of the second chapter. I love the way its written too, and the flashbacks. Its a very good concept. =D And its original. At first I got kind of morbidly excited because I thought it'd be Gerard/Bob. And it kind of is, but not enough to satisfy that part of my brain. still good. Its just like....its like a blindfolded rollercoaster ride. That's how I describe your story. A blindfolded rollercoaster ride. And its totally a good thing

*sigh*

I read it again. Yup. And still love it.

I love this smiley: don't know why though -_-°

oh yeah, i like how "Shatter" is done for your story. how'd you do that?

i read the first one, soon to read the rest..but damn..that is really good. i like it when ppl write fanfics that make the band members "more human" and emotional, and not the whole "Crush" fiction we normally see. Your writing is fluent, well paced, and suspenseful with mystery.

Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. What a great, if depressing, way to end this fanfic.

Oh man. I'm at a loss for words, really. I love what you did with the "Kill All Your Friends" thing. Argh, I can't even explain myself, urm, it's little things like that just made the chapter stand out for me. It's just so creepy, but fits so perfectly.

I wanna critique, because I'm a big critique whore, but I can't generally find anything wrong.

Never stop writing. Ever.

This story is absolutely amazing.
It did make me cry, bunches.
Thanks for making me mess up my eyeliner, lol.
But, no this was amazing.
The way you captured the emotion was just-wow.
If i tried to write a mile long comment doing my best to aadeuately put into words how much this touched me and made me feel, I would still come up short by a long shot.
It was beautiful and so realistic and you have an amazing talent.
You harbour the skill to write beautiful tragedies and sadness.
I loved it though, and I am glad I read it.

YOU AMAZINGLY TALENTED PSYCHO! [/Wierd compliment]
YOU CAN'T JUST KILL BOB AND FRANK LIKE THAT!
-Crouches in corner, fetal postition-

I feel smart. Am I the only one that knew what was coming?? LOL

Ohmaifuckinggod.

Wow.

Horsie, you've managed to do it again. To amaze my mind and make me wonder 'Why'. And this is why I love you so much. I love this story madly. Like toilet paper said, you're an amazing writer, keep it coming. I'm sitting here ready to cry, and now every time I hear 'Kill all your friends' I'm gonna cry. Now I'm gonna end up putting that on Repeat now.

Thank you for once again creating something incredible. But, mikey. Poor, poor, trusting Mikey. HOW could you do that?!?

I'm crying. I really am. This story was sick, twisted and... amazing. I'm prining this one out so that I can read it over and over again. I think this has to be my favorite story by you. I love it greatly, keep them stories coming.

-Tear-

horsie890:

O_o You make me sound like...like I really know what I'm doing...

That's 'cause you do... right?
At least, you know more than me. I don't think about literary techniques at all when I'm writing. It's all "I wanna say that, and make it creepy" or "I HAVE to use that word". Yep, I'm a true professional. ^_^

But seriously, you're a fucking good writer.

toilet paper:

Not quite 3am, but 2:24. ;-) In the first chapter, I adored the use of flashbacks. When used well, they're an amazing literary device, and you know how they work. You incorporate the present with the past, and it is totally relevant... it follows on. The first line of each transition could easily be either tense, if it wasn't for the italics or obvious change of scene and situation. It may seem a bit silly to commend someone for good use of flashbacks, but too many times have I seen people totally abuse the idea with irrelevant, boring or abnormally stupid (and not even funny) flashbacks; poorly written, of course. I loved the way in which it followed on. Bob's death wasn't immediately thrown at us, but you worked up to it, leaving more shock at the realisation. It was interesting to see the state of Frank and Gerard as they spoke to each other. Gerard's behaviour screamed mental instability, but in a subtle way. There was no "and then he bounced off the walls with a razor blade", and he was fully aware. I loved the way in which you showed how bitter and full of hate Gerard was. Too often is he seen as the injured party, with no unattractive emotion getting in the way of his "perfect yet hurt" personality. Yes, the reader sympathises, but we don't roll our eyes in how pathetic it all is. It's far more realistic. Ray's death was another shock, and again - it wasn't thrown at us. The flashback came, and then came the relevant point; that one was very well done, actually. Although, it caused a question to form in my mind; no longer were the beautiful and emotional descriptions causing me to enjoy?" the story, but this one thought: "why the fuck are MCR dying? Who's to blame The description of the perfect day instantly led me to believe something was terribly wrong, as it would. But, in all honesty, I'm not too sure I liked it. It was a brilliant description, no doubt about it, but the device is so overused. It creates instant unease. Although, I grew to accept it when I found out that the obvious answer of Frank being found dead wasn't being used. Instead, it was something much more sinister. I'd never expected it to be Frank's doing, but once it was spelled out (well, not quite, but when Gerard found him a state in a wrapper filled room), it all made sense. The signs were there, but so cleverly hidden. I commend any writer who can pull this off. As in, I seriously respect them; crime is a bitch to write, but when done well, it's one of the most gripping forms of literature. Although, I knew straight away that Frank would kill himself along with the other members. It's a very typical device for this sort of fanfic, but an outcome that made the story more special. It just wouldn't have worked if Frank survived; the suicide was necessary, and your skills managed to pull it off anyway. I didn't realise how overused that outcome is until I'd gone over the plot in my head. All in all, I liked it very much. You write in a very classic way... it's descriptive, but not purple prose. Easy to follow, but with that special flair that makes a story a story. That quality that sets it apart from everyday writing, and turns it into an art.

O_o You make me sound like...like I really know what I'm doing...

Not quite 3am, but 2:24. ;-)

In the first chapter, I adored the use of flashbacks. When used well, they’re an amazing literary device, and you know how they work. You incorporate the present with the past, and it is totally relevant... it follows on. The first line of each transition could easily be either tense, if it wasn’t for the italics or obvious change of scene and situation. It may seem a bit silly to commend someone for good use of flashbacks, but too many times have I seen people totally abuse the idea with irrelevant, boring or abnormally stupid (and not even funny) flashbacks… poorly written, of course.

I loved the way in which it followed on. Bob’s death wasn’t immediately thrown at us, but you worked up to it, leaving more shock at the realisation. It was interesting to see the state of Frank and Gerard as they spoke to each other. Gerard’s behaviour screamed mental instability, but in a subtle way. There was no “and then he bounced off the walls with a razor blade”, and he was fully aware. I loved the way in which you showed how bitter and full of hate Gerard was. Too often is he seen as the injured party, with no unattractive emotion getting in the way of his “perfect yet hurt” personality. Yes, the reader sympathises, but we don’t roll our eyes in how pathetic it all is. It’s far more realistic.

Ray’s death was another shock, and again – it wasn’t thrown at us. The flashback came, and then came the relevant point… that one was very well done, actually. Although, it caused a question to form in my mind… no longer were the beautiful and emotional descriptions causing me to enjoy the story, but this one thought: “why the fuck are MCR dying? Who’s to blame?”

The description of the perfect day instantly led me to believe something was terribly wrong, as it would. But, in all honesty, I’m not too sure I liked it. It was a brilliant description, no doubt about it, but the device is so overused. It creates instant unease. Although, I grew to accept it when I found out that the obvious answer of Frank being found dead wasn’t being used. Instead, it was something much more sinister. I’d never expected it to be Frank’s doing, but once it was spelled out (well, not quite, but when Gerard found him a state in a wrapper filled room), it all made sense. The signs were there, but so cleverly hidden. I commend any writer who can pull this off. As in, I seriously respect them… crime is a bitch to write, but when done well, it’s one of the most gripping forms of literature. Although, I knew straight away that Frank would kill himself along with the other members. It’s a very typical device for this sort of fanfic, but an outcome that made the story more special. It just wouldn’t have worked if Frank survived… the suicide was necessary, and your skills managed to pull it off anyway. I didn’t realise how overused that outcome is until I’d gone over the plot in my head.

All in all, I liked it very much. You write in a very classic way... it’s descriptive, but not purple prose. Easy to follow, but with that special flair that makes a story a story. That quality that sets it apart from everyday writing, and turns it into an art.

OMG!!! I GET WHAT YOU MEAN NOW, WHAT YOU SAID TO ME!!!!! -looks proudly at signature-

XDxoxo

no, that was awesome!!!!!!

that's the end, right??

xoxo