Boy Toy - Comments

Hello there :D I thought i would leave you a comment and ramble on about how amazing this story is.

I love you're style of writing and how you describe the boys. I love how you made Marshall have his little emotional breakdown even though it is quite heartbreaking to read.

I especially love how you made Marshall. I think his character is great and i love how there is almost... You could say a few different sides to him

Like his angry side when he punched Nathan in the face (Which was awesome by the way) His emotional side which made me wish he was real so i could just give him a hug and his 'rebellious' side.

When i first started this story i honestly wasn't sure if i would like it (mainly because thats what always runs through my head when i start a stroy) But honestly this is one of the best stories i have read.

You are just a genius. I want to thank you for writing this and if you want to continue... Please do, for your fans :3

Hi! I'm here to give you a comment on your story. :) Thanks for entering the "Anything Goes" contest hosted by Unicorn Jesus and judged by him and myself.

I love romances and break-up stories, so you've got my attention there. I could definitely feel the psychotic anger Marshall felt when he punched Nathan in the face; I personally, if I hadn't had enough control of my wits, would have done the same thing to my ex-boyfriend. xD Seriously though, I can relate.

However, during the plot, there wasn't a lot I could relate to. I didn't feel for Marshall in the beginning because I didn't know him very well. The plot was a little too slow for my tastes because a lot of what Marshall did was mope around and be sad. Because I didn't feel for him, it moved very slowly for me.

Another problem I had was the tense and narration. Even though it is original for a story like this, I don't feel like it's executed well enough to fit the story. Having that third person narration and the omniscient commentor on the character's lives makes it seem like a children's fairy tale, which it's most definitely not. You could change it to first person, or just remove the commenting on the characters and leave it as third person to help with that. Or if you find a creative way to execute the tense and narration.

All in all, this was very well-written and is sparkled by dabs of cursing and swearing, which I like (it makes it more real.) It is very realistically written and there isn't any eye-roll inducing scenes, which is super nice. :) I hope you continue to write this and join more contests in the future!

Please have some more updates soon!

omfg this story is so amazing.

I am more than pleased I stumbled across this story. It is written so well, and I quite enjoy the story-line and characters. Everything feels so real- as though I, myself, am a part of the story as some unimportant character in the background through the course of my reading the chapters. I really cannot wait to see where all this goes.

I loveeeeeeeeeeeed ittttt!!!!! :D
Updateeee sooooooon!
-goes and subscribes-

It's rare for me to read everything the writer has published in the story they've asked me to comment on. Usually I read the firstchapter and do what I have to do. But your story caught my attention and I was somewhat compelled to finish it.
You're a good writer, with good punctuation and spelling and whatnot.
Your characters are reasonably developed and believable.
I would have liked to hear more descriptive paragraphs and more insight into Marshall's mind, as I couldn't relate to him particularly well.
The tense bothers me hugely. But you managed to retain it and use it professionally, so I won't make a point of it. I'd like to mention it reminded me constantly of the narration in Big Brother though, and I often found myself reading with a Scottish accent or whatever the hell it is.
I would also like to comment on something perhaps not about your story, but still something that hugely bothers me.
Threatening to withhold chapters unless you get comments is - in my opinion - petty. You should be writing because you want to, not because of how popular you are.
It is for that reason I won't subscribe. I can't be bothered to wait until you get 70 comments for a chapter.

Good luck and well done, nonetheless. I did enjoy your story.

Okay, so I have no idea why I didn't read this before. I'm extremely glad that I claimed this because literally everything by you is a freakin' masterpiece. Before I begin, I want to apologize beforehand if this comment sucks majorly. I'm sort of pressed on time here >.< Anyways, when I read the first chapter, I felt so darn bad for Nathan and Marshall. I'm not really a slash fan, but this wasn't cliched and stupid and poorly written. It's the complete opposite. I absolutely love this sentence: He’s sprawled out on the floor, with his eyes shut and the tears continuing to pour, while he wonders what exactly it was that he did to make Nathan not love him anymore. I also like how it rhymes; I'm not sure if that's intentional, but if it wasn't, it's perfect (:
See? Told ya it's going to be a lame comment. But for now, I'm subbing and will give you a much better comment when I have the time :D <3

Alright, what I've read so far is pretty good. The layout is nice touch-especially the banner picture, it's just...lovely, aha-and as said above, you do develop your characters nicely. I really like Sebastien's character...idk why, he's just so...hm. Nicely done. :)

I can't believe that I have found this amazing well written story when you're about to end it. Your character development is has been done very well, the plotline is consistent and realistic, you use language effectively to maintain your reader's attention. Very well done indeed.

I am quite fond of this story and will not mind commenting/reviewing every chapter for the rest of the story.

I like this story =]
Sorry for not commenting before, I've been subbed for a while but haven't gotten around to actually reading. Lol, I just kept subbing to things, and now that I'm reading and read the multiple times you've asked for comments, decided it was about time I did, too.
So, more updates woman!!!!
Please? Lol xD
I'm on chapter 6 now and am still reading, but I don't want to run out of chapters to read. So, yer....updates mean more comments xD

Only two more? :(

And I don't know about you, but my favorite line definitely was "Sebastian is withdrawn and he’s upset and he feels like crying. Sebastian is fucked up, he didn’t take his medicine, and he missed Benton’s birthday."

I have absolutely no idea what it would be.

I'm not the greatest at guessing games but my best bet would have to be a part of this scene

“You render me speechless most of the time, Seb,”
“Do you mean that in a good way?” he questions quietly with a smile on his face but a slight hopelessness in his voice.
“In the best way possible,” Marshall answers.

At least that is my favorite at any rate. I become more enamored by your writing with each new chapter. There is such a simplicity to it that just brings the story and characters to life. Looking forward seeing what you come up with next.

I love this story D: please don't end it ;-;

“You render me speechless most of the time, Seb,”
Was that is?

I dunno, though.
It's just a guess.

Great update by the way, I loved it as always.
:)

I wonder whats going to happen
two boys and a bottle of vodka
Is your favorite line the "You render me speachless" one?

You deserve ten stars and more. This is amazing. Very curious to know what happened to Ben, but all shall come in it's time. Update as soon(very soon hopefully) as you can.

The end was adorable :3
I heart you Korie <3
Update soon :]

they're gonna be cute when they get together.. because they are gonna get together.. right?!?! >:|