Goodbye to Romance - Comments

LOVE IT! Please update!!! PLEASE!

The walls of my prison were a deep, almost violent red and the soft, silk duvet was black. The carpet was red and plush and was mainly bare, except for the small, deep chestnut colored dresser in the far corner.

I loved this part. You're great at description. I could feel everything she was feeling. :S Great job!

wow,can't wait for more of this story!

interesting...can't wait for more ^_^

My empathy couldn't handle me re-reading this tonight love. But I love it. You know this.

He was going to rape me, I couldn't save myself, and no one was there to do it for me.

I would be like, hyperventilating. For sure. -nods-

pretty good!

Story Review Game

Already right away, I’m interested as to what you’ve written. I’m always up for a good Avenged Sevenfold story, and yours looks pretty good. :)

I stumbled and the grip tightened and pulled me up, sending jolts of pain up my shoulder at a million volts a second.
I love this sentence. I like the description of the pain. It almost makes me feel what the narrator is feeling.

A loud woman's voice poured into the small room, creating an instant throb in my drugged mind.
I love your description. It would seem from just reading these few words that I’ve read that you’re very talented at it. :) I love the way you write so far.

"Buyer number four: 525... Once, twice... she's yours."
I like the, “…she’s yours.” part. It is fantastic. The only thing I might suggest is that you capitalize she’s. It would sound more definite then. But either way works too, I think.

Please, I prayed again, save me.
I think Save me should be capitalized.

"Don't fight with me, baby. Biting and blood? Turn on. And I don't think you want me anymore turned on."
I especially love this part of the sentence: ”Biting and blood? Turn on.” It stands out to me, for some reason. I’m loving this story so far.

He was going to rape me, I couldn't save myself, and no one was there to do it for me.
I love the finality of this sentence; the feeling of doom, dread, and anger all evident. I also like how it’s a cliffhanger, leaving the reader (me) wanting more. I’m definitely going to subscribe to this to see where it goes.

It’s a short review, but there was nothing wrong with it except for the two or three mistakes that I pointed out.

Wow. This really is something.
I like, more soon?

Man, this J dude needs to get his dick bit off by a slave or something. Seriously. But FINALLY MISS KORIE. I've been waiting for this FOREVER! Lovin' it! Loved and hurry up with more. I knoooow you gots it. :)

Me likey likey :)