I Am Only an Actress on This Stage - Comments

I agree with alison.wonderland, there are too many crappy stories out there but I have given you the benefit of the doubt. Plus The Land of Comment Swap still hasn't fixed itself so I had to comeback and write another review on your story seeing as it's totally pointless to really review on a story that I have already read, but I've done it anyway -waves white surrender flag-. I finally caved. Stupid Comment Swap.

I come from the land of comment swap. This was interesting, but I thought it was a bit cliche. There are so many girl-falls-in-love-with-a-vampire stories. In my opinion they're just really overdone. Also, I noticed a lot of punctuation mistakes. Dialogue should be written in the format: "Blah blah blah blah blah," he/she said. If a sentence that someone is saying is a question or an exclamation, it ends with a question mark or exclamation point, but if it's just a sentence that would normally end with a period, you put a comma in the period's place. Did that explanation make sense? Anyways. You used a lot of good metaphors, which was great. A bit of editing and this could be quite nice. :)

I've actually never read one of these kinds of stories, so I was pretty interested to read this. :) I liked your descriptions and metaphors, they make the story livelier. Great job on that. However, sometimes the flow of the story can be a little stunted around the dialogue areas, so try to mix up the sentence structure or add or subtract sentences to make it easier to read. Also, this might be a little nit-picky, but in this sentence in the first chapter: "What are you saying?" He screamed, etc." I think it would be better to use "shouted" rather than screamed, because "screamed" is kind of a more sudden, high pitched sound, and I feel that "shouted" would fit a lot better. Also, you'll have to lower case "He" in that sentence, because unless he's Jesus, it'll stay lower-cased unless it's a name. xD

I also liked the beginning, I feel like it set up the story very well for what's going to happen. Again, beautiful descriptions. I really feel for the main character. Great job writing this and keep on with it. :)

I'm glad comment swap has brought me to this story. I really like that your story isn't so cliche, it's actually really unique and I don't think I've ever read an arranged marriage story before; and I really like it. My only criticism is that personally I don't like when the POV is switched so often, but that's just me, and it's not even that big of a deal. Good job dear, keep it up =]

First, I really liked how you described her sleuthiness and staying hidden to that of a black cat. I thought that was well done, as well as with the confrontation with her ex boyfriend. I could feel the tension with Deliah that she really wanted to end it. There were a few missing words in chapter one, but other than that, I didn't find anything else wrong.

I like the idea of an arranged marriage because it hasn't been overdone, and I don't mind the vampire aspect of it. I agree with some of the other comments that the story seems rushed. In only chapter 3, she suddenly trusts the guy she doesn't like? I think it's too fast. But I love when they can actually let their guard down and have fun with each other, like at the amusement park. It was very cute. :)

Alright, so I only read the first chapter, but this was surprisingly well written. I kind of judged it from the summary, and didn't like it because I've had bad experiences with vampire arranged marriage stories in the past, but this was good.

I liked your descriptions, they wee good but I felt like some of your sentences were worded, or structured, awkwardly. It kind of just breaks the flow of the chapter so I would watch out for that.

I'd also make sure to add a few twists into the story, just because it is such a ciched and overused genre, but I'm sure you'll be good.

Overall, well done. Not my favourite kind of story but you wrote it well :)

I see a few pros and cons. One you put dialog spacing like I do, making it easier to read. Sadly, also like me, I see a small difficulty in describing the area in detail. Other than that, just add a few twists into the story (twists are key), and its all good.

I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of vampire stories. Especially ones with arranged marriages. This is surprisingly pretty well written, though some sentence structure variation would definately liven it up. You're doing a really good job writing this story. Keep up the good work.

Really well written. Great job :)

Comment Swap just sent me back here. As I just said a minute ago, please continue writing this story.

I absolutely love Vampire stories, but it seems to be a little rushed, and, as with everyone else, the first chapter confused me. I did that whole "Tilted my head to the side and looked at it like "What the fuck is happening?"" thing. There are the minor grammatical errors that everyone's mentioning, but I could over look it just as they have.

The whole Arranged Marriage thing doesn't really work for modern times since it's basically outlawed in American culture. If this was set in the Middle East that'd be able to work since their culture is completely different than ours is or if this was solely based in a Vampire culture, then you could make it whatever you want.

I really liked it, and I hope you continue writing.

I'm definitely gonna subscribe to this! The story was pretty well-written and had a plot-line that stuck out a bit to me. The characters in this are very developed and are described really well. I could visualize what was happening in the moment and there were good moments. Keep up the great work! c:

Your story is good and you seem to know your characters really well. I think the main problem is that it seems to rush a little and jump around. You could also use a little more description in between the dialogue. Hopefully you continue and smooth out some of the errors, because this could be going somewhere good.

this was surprisingly a pretty good story!
i expected it to be another bad story that i find numerous times on mibba, but it was actually pretty good
i found a few errors here and there, but hey we all make mistakes =)

keep writing, youre a fairly good writer and im actually thinking about subscribing =)

I got this from the comment swap gadget thing. At first I really didn’t want to read it but I did (because I need comments on my stuff and it won’t let me skip any stories) and it’s actually really good. Better then what I though it would be. I actually really enjoy vampire stories, I’m not sure why but I am. I’m used to a story starting with an intro of some sort so it was nice reading something that got right to the story. I think you used the 1st person POV very well. Only issue I see are the FEW and MINOR errors. But that can be fixed in the future :) Overall, I love the story and am HIGHLY considering subscribing and adding this to my LONG list of subscriptions. Keep up the good work :)

This is sort of amazing. When I got this from the comment swap thing i thought to myself "oh god, not another bad mibba story" But you're actually a fantastic writer! I subscribed and cant wait to read more. If you dont write more, i may just die. it's really great

To me, this seemed like it would be better than it was. I am just not at all into stories about vampires and all of that stuff, but the was a pretty good story I suppose. You are a very lovely writer, and I would love to read other things by you.

I guess I'm a little confused with the dialogue in the first chapter. I had to go back and re-read it a few times. But don't get me wrong, it seems like a great story!! Just the first five lines of conversation were...confusing. The rest? Perfect! Usually, I'm not a huge fan of jumping right into a story, but this seems to work out nicely. I'd love to know more about her fiancé as we go along! All in all, great story so far! Keep it up! Bravo! You're a brilliant writer!

I'm going to be honest in this comment and say I find the storyline a little cliche. Arranged marriage stories have never really appealed to me, simply because I find them a little unrealistic. I think it would be a lot better if you could actually work in a better storyline around the arrangement, if maybe they live in a culture where everyone marries through arranged marriage or if it was set in a much older time. But that's just my opinion, I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who this would appeal to.