Leliel - Comments

I liked it!
I hardly ever read stuff with mythology, etc. But, your's made it easy to get into. I loved how you played up the different relationships between the fighting characters. Very nice!

LOVED it! :)

I do like the layout, but the words are so centered, it makes it look weird, does that make sense?

The beginging is already interesting, because of all the mythical creatures you listed, and being a fan of fantasy, I like that. Okay, so it's like Leliel against Medusa? Wait, her and Medusa had a relationship kind of? I got kind of confused for a minute. This kind of reminds me a little bit of Harry Potter, that was random, but I thought I'd point it out. That's got to be bad to kill someone you loved that much, but she did it for God, which is defenitly good. Oh jeez, she just healed and came back?! Holy shit.

I really liked this story. My only suggestion is that you fix the layout to match the masterpiece you have here :).

If I'd been searching for this on my own, I might not of read it, just because the summary didn't really draw me in.

I have come back to good, and as a punishment I was forced to fight. And I would not lose. To me, that line sounded a little awkward, like the tense didn't fit with the rest.

I must admit, I didn't really like the last few paragraphs, after Leliel died. It sounded odd having this omnipotent narrator come in and finish the story. But other than that, it was good and unique. :)

Woah, just woah really. I love how creepy this is, and you write so freakin' well. I'm pretty bummed this isn't a longer story :] xox

I love this! It really makes me want to read more from you.
Your a great writer, and this was amazingly written.

This sort of made me think of a book I read where regular people were called mundanes. I like that idea. Very cool.

I liked all the different kinds of creatures you had in this story. It could have gotten complicated and stuffed up, but you actually made it go pretty smoothly and that was pretty impressive.


"You don't have to do this Medusa. You still have a choice," I said, as my final attempt to keep the peace.

She cackled, "Leliel my dear, you of people should know what it is to embrace the darkness. So why not share it with the mundane world?"

This was the only problem I saw. When someone is being adressed, there needs to be a comma. So, "You don't have to do this, Medusa" and "Leliel, my dear".

Other than that, great job!

I actually really like the banner/layout :D
I love that this was a fantasy, and a well written one at that; the way you described everything, especially at the end, really painted a picture in my mind. There were a couple of...flow issues in the beginning paragraphs, but nothing major :)

I want to start off by saying I really liked this. It was a victory and a tragedy at the same time. I love how Leliel and Medusa had everything in between them, and the real tragedy was the fact that the could never be together, due to loyalty and greed. You depicted that very well in your description. And also by the end. VERY VERY WELL DONE YOU AWESOME LITTLE WRITER YOU.

But here's something that bothered me:
Across from me stood what could possibly become the apocalypse, the dark side of the world I lived in.
This is a really strong line, but it doesn't seem to flow very well. If it did, it could have been magical.

And here's something that I adored:
One line I did really love was this one: I did in fact know what it felt like to embrace and be embraced by darkness.
It's really deep and gave me a few chills to read. I don't know what it is about being embraced by darkness that I love so much.

So, I am a line catcher. And I loved the way you started this.
The apocalypse was coming.--so chilling.
The writing was beautiful, and the whole thing was so suspenseful.
You also ended it so well;
He would forever remain the angel of darkness in the shadows of the graveyard.
Yes, the layout was plain, but other than that <3 nicely done.

But I was no longer on the side of evil.
It’s such a blunt line, yet it really gets the point across. Power in words, m’dear.

She gave me a haughty smirk and said, "You could certainly try but we all know you will succumb to the darkness, lover boy."
Haha. She’s so mean, taunting, and manipulative…and evil!

As I lifted the sword in the air a demon yelled. Medusa's eyes snapped open with realization, but it was too late. I plunged the sword in her back feeling the point on my chest.
Talk about a backstabber! xD

We lived every day, never knowing who would be next to leave this world.
Very philosophical. I like it <3

Whoa…seriously was not expecting her to come back to life!

The impact of both their hate and love killed them.
That reminds me of Romeo and Juliet…in a very faint way.

I love your work; I really do! It was suspenseful, intense, action-y, and very well-worded.

You’re amazing!

This was amazing. I don't even care about the layout because the story was so...good! Interesting and you really get wrapped up in it. :) You're a talented writer. I loved loved LOVED this. :)

Alright. Took me a while to get around to reading this, but I finally did.

I really thought this was interesting. I love stories that involve the dogma of Christian faith, and I love mythology stories. So, you scored big points there.

However, I really felt as though I was reading the ending of a story that should be a full story. XD Like I'd skipped to the last chapter, if you will. I feel almost . . . well, ripped off, for lack of a better word.

I would to see Leliel's story in full, if you ever take a whack at it.

All in all, it was a good story though.

^^ I agree with her.
In the beggninig I thought he was a girl. ahaa.
It was cool though.

That was different. But it was good. I liked it.
Leleil is a cool name,

I like the air of the story. The tone.

I'm not really a fan of mythical creatures, like at all.
But this was really different and I really like it =D

Congrats in the win. I think you totally deserved it

It's really grabbing

and I liked the layout I thought it was beautiful =)

This is different!I like it! A few minor errors, but nothing to get all upity about! I like it! You are a good writer!

The stories I love most are the ones that I don't have to really think to be able to picture what's going on, where there is so much description that there's no need to fill in the blanks. This was exactly that. It played in my mind just like a short film :) You did a really good job with this!

Lots of love this story has<3
Cause it's that deep, wonderful, and grabbing? >>
I think so -nods-
I agree with the layout part, but other than that you did a wonderful job.
<3
I usually get bored with long stories like this, but this didn't bore me at all.