Broken - Comments

Oh, dear God. That was crazy. I loved it.

This was so damn intense.
I loved the choppy writing, it gave character to...the character. >.<
It's really wonderful, like I have no words.
Which I hate, but that means the story was so good that I'm speechless.

SO...YAY

Oh my goodness...
The character is just...so fucking original. I truely loved this. The choppyness of it fits the character so well. I can just imagine what goes on in her head on a day to day basis. It's just so...I don't know. There's so much chaos and it just builds the character even more. Great job.<3
Thanks for joining my contest and goodluck.<3

WOW, this was f-cking amazing.
I loved the way you wrote it.
Oddly, it made it sound... poetic.
And I just loved how you described it.
The flow of your writing was amazing.

OH and dude, I used to be annoyed of Courage The Cowardly Dog.
But I did love his face expressions XD

I really, really, really adore this.

I want to touch first on the style you wrote the story in. I think it's perfect. Different, maybe, but refreshing and so suiting to what you were doing, and so far away from the traditional style of literature. The sporadic intervals and cutoff points in the wording actually made it really easy to read, whereas normal, traditionally well-structured sentences often seem too winding and wordy (think Edgar Allan Poe). This was more structures like thoughts, like a person would think. And I adored it. I also really appreciate how you repeated themes throughout a series of paragraphs. For example,

I screamed. Shut my eyes tightly and screamed. Jumping up and down on the wooden floor. It didn't bounce. Just hurt. Glass. I forgot there was glass.

...

Things everywhere. Too many things. And glass. Glass covered the floor. There seemed to be no floor. Just glass and things.

It's so crazy and chaotic, and it sets the mood perfectly.

[It's past midnight and my mom's kicking me off the computer. Profile comment me and I'll finish commenting on this later. I tend to ramble in comments and write a paragraph about one thing. XD]

This was simply writen for something not so simple. And I loved it.
Her need for sound was relevant.
You made a not so easy job of discription look easy.

The chaos is amplified by the choppy-ness of the story. It also shows how she needed noise, but couldn't find it- thus, she made some herself.

I didn't notice any errors

As many people have said, I liked out it was choppy. I think it made it more enjoyable to read.
This was a really, really good one-shot.

I liked the choppy-ness of it. It just worked.
And I loved this story.
It was one of those stories where you can't stop reading it until you're completely done.

I adore how choppy it was.
I think it really fit with the character, how she was thinking not rationally but just in the moment. I felt like if it flowed it would seem less real, her thoughts.
Just do it now type of thing.

I also like to screaming bit, how it "seeped in through the crack". And the wonderland part was fantastic, relating it to snow.

In one bit you said imaged parents, I think you meant imagined. Otherwise I loved it.

I like the choppy effect it gives the impression of well a broken story. It is good and one of the most interesting styles of story I have read.

It is very choppy like Ava Marie said. You could have added commas or whatever into it. But it was really good anway.

I enjoyed reading this. One word that was in my mind until the end though was "choppy." Oddly, the style in which you wrote this was choppy, but it also flowed really well.

I really did enjoy reading this. C: All the details were nice and I did like the name Macy. It had a rather sad air to me, but it was still a gorgeous body of writing.

I believe you did an awesome job. :)