A Day at the Park - Comments

I'd like to start off by saying that I'm only commenting on the first chapter. I really enjoyed the descriptions and imagery that you incorporated into the piece. I also thought that the chapter flowed really well, and I thought the interactions and dialogue between the characters were very natural.

As far as concrit goes, I really only have two suggestions. I did notice that you have quite a few grammatical errors, mostly involving commas, and though it wasn't anything that really detracted from my comprehension of the piece, they're still there. I also felt like the sex scene at the end of the chapter was a bit rushed. I'm not saying that it's unrealistic because they just met or any of that, but I found the sex itself was a little too rushed for my taste, and I felt like you could've done a lot more with it.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this piece, and I wish you luck as you continue :)

I'm not really a fan of sports, nor do I prefer to read fan fictions about them. But this story seems pretty interesting.

You stay on point and you have a really good writing style. Your writing style is unique. I haven't seen many people using that style on this site, so it's really cool to read something like this.

The layout was a little iffy. But I understand that you made the background color to match the layout pic. Which is okay.

I'm going to recommend this story, but won't be subscribing. As I mentioned before, I'm not a fan of sports fan fiction. But this is quite the read and maybe someone else will enjoy it.

Comment swap brought me here.

I'm in no way a fan of sport so this isn't the kind of thing I'd normally read, but hey, why not give it a chance?

I found myself really enjoying it, actually. Your writing style is great, you don't stray away from the point and that keeps the story interesting. You don't have too little description or too much, so that's always a good sign.

I'm sorry to say I won't be subscribing because its not really my thing, but you're a really good writer and I'm glad I took the time to read. Keep it up. :)

Comment Swap brought me here...I'm going to say this right now, I am a Penguins fan so I would normally never read this aha. However, I put that aside because it's comment swap and read it.

You are a very talented writer, I enjoyed your writing style as well I found that your banner is very nice, it does'n't distract from the story and the rest of the layout also complimented it. Sometimes that can be pretty tricky it seems.

Anyways, great job, keep it up :) good luck to your team next season!

omg this so beautiful and so well written. I am hoping for a sequel cause I can see one. This series is amazing and beautiful.

Are you planning to update this story soon?

This story is amazing. The whole Lily situation made me cry. I'm a wuss like that :x

So i read this and totally forget to leave a comment..Loved the update, glad Richie finally said I love you to her..update again soon!

Loved the update! <3

I freaking love this story

Oh oh oh! I'm finished now with whats posted and I want an update really bad!!! what happens next?

Aaah i almost lost it reading ch 15... great writing. I know i'm reading this after it has been posted for a while but I still wanted to comment for you on how your writing almost turned me into a mess in my dorm room... haha I had to try to explain to my roommate what happened :)

Aww he finally said it, I'm sp proud of him.

I'm glad he finally said it! Loved it! <3

Finally!!! :D

love this story!!! can't wait for more!!!

I've missed this story..he better tell her soon lol...great upate hun....

He better tell her he loves her!

About time ! I love drunk Richie ! :D

Ali needs to admit it and Richie needs to stop being so scared! Let see what happens once he's sober.

Welcome back, btw!