Invisible Wings. - Comments

I didn't get to read very far, just to the 2nd chapter, but I must say that it is very good. I love the descriptions and the plot seems really interesting!
I'll probably come back to read the rest later when I have time

And I've read it before!

The idea: amazing! Genius! Intriguing!

The Banner and layout: Is amazing and beautiful!

The details captured my eyes (how weird does that sound) and makes me want to read more! Your grammar and spelling is flawless (however mine needs work XD).

The character description is great and I can imagine myself as the character itself!

I wish I could see more mystical, beautiful stories like the one you wrote here.

I love this.
I'm so glad you comment swapped with me.
Subbing.

Truly lovely.

its amazing

The entire concept and plot and everything about this I love. Your writing is beautiful and the colours of the layout actually made me believe that fairies exsist.

I love this is, its incredible. :]

I don't think I've read a fairy story like this one mibba before. The way their world is set up and the way they find their type is very interesting. It's certainly an original plotline.

Your writing is very good and it flows well too. I also loved how this story is different than a lot of the other fantasy stories here on mibba. Your story is really good, I like it.

I love your fantasy perception. Your idea of fairies is so unique and interesting and I can't even think of what ot say to it. I absolutely love how this is just so different from the majority of fantasy stories on this site. It makes me want to hug you and love you foreverrrrr. :)

More please :)

Oh, this is interesting. It's pretty and unique xD
I like her and Ray's relationship, and how that ultimately ties into what's...wrong with her, or what is making her not have a tatoo. It's...intriguing.
My favorite thing about this story is that you've truly created your own world. Every detail is something you make up and every detail corresponds to the world, which is really important for a fantasy story.
Nice job!
Cute layout, too :)

Ughhh the waiting Is killing meee. Update soon?

Gah!!!!!!!! This is so amazing!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!! PlEASE write more soon, this is totally awesome. (:

Oh I like your story.
It's wonderful.
It almost reminds me of Holly Black's novels. (With the faeries that is.)
But it is very unique in it's own way.

<3

oh my god!

great great story. i love how original and unique this is. ive never read anything about faeries besides like peter pan.

im for sure keeping my subscription :)

p.s. i'm adding this to the whore list! i think that this story is amazing and that everyone should read it :)

first of all, i have never seen/read any faerie stories on here before so this is my first time! i think this is unique and amazingly written. i didn't see many grammar/spelling errors. There are a few, but everybody makes those mistakes. anyway, i'm excited for this and am officially subbing!

I love this! It's so original. The banner and layout are amazing. I also love faeries a lot so I really enjoyed reading this story. You did a good job on the first two chapters; I'm amazed at your awesome skills~ I'll read more when I get a chance. Well done. :)

Okay, first, I want to say that I'm absolutely in love with the layout. It's pretty and simple and doesn't distract the reader (: Also, I'm in love with fairy/faerie stories; however, most of them are terribly cliche and that's incredibly annoying, but this one is so amazingly unique <3
Okay, chapter 1 was so majorly creepy o.O I mean, Ray is creepy. Yikes >.< I already sort of like/sort of hate him. Dunno, he comes off as a major creep-o :| Y'know those characters that you barely meet and you already get an idea of how their personality is? Yeah, Ray is one of them. Not loving him. Maybe I will soon, though! xD
Anyways, since I'm pressed on time, I'll have to come back and read more later (: I definitely enjoyed this! I'm subbing <3

Story Review Game:
Layout: I love the layout, it's very readable, which is a good thing. I like the banner, it looks interesting, and it goes with the theme/plot.

Summary: The summary is pretty good, it gives you back drop and eases the reader into the general theme/plot. However, there was a something awkward about this sentence → You don’t pick the kind of fairy you are, you just be it. I don't know if it's just me, but the sentence structure is kind of awkward. You could try fixing it up a bit, if you'd like, but it's not that big of a deal.

Chapter One: Shoes scoffed the pavement, I was unwanted. I think you meant “scuffed” instead of “scoffed”

I thought this was a great opener. I'm not really into fantasy, but this was an enjoyable read. This is one of those stories that you can get into, without being interested in fantasy or faeries (sp?). Your writing is captivating, descriptive when it calls for it, and I like how you don't over use metaphors and similes.

I feel bad for Eve, though. I understand what it feels like to want to belong. I hope she finally gets her tattoo! I like how you didn't put too much detail into the characters, and how you didn't write out her life story, as this is just the beginning. I want to see how your characters will develop, and I hope they do :)

Chapter Two: The first paragraph was great, I love it! It demonstrates a bit of forbidden attraction, and mystery in it. Why can she see him? I'm guessing she's a Dark Fairy, but she doesn't know it yet? Your descriptions of Ray was very good, I could paint a picture in my head.

Thus bringing us to the present where I was undeniably doing my favourite hobby of trying to figure out, what the hell I could be. ← I don't think you need a comma after “out”

Although this is fantasy, I really like how there were human characteristics, like seeing the doctors, and school, and studying. However, I'm kind of iffy with the main character. I kind of like, her but I kind of don't. I like her curious nature, but sometimes I just think she's just too curious. In my head, I'm like, “No, Eve! DO NOT TALK TO RAY!”

“and I have nothing to loose.” - “loose” should be “lose”

He seemed slightly shocked, but he his smug voice – there was a tiny typo in here, you added “he” in there.

Ray is a very sketchy character, which is good, because it goes hand in hand with him being a Dark Fairy. I very interested how things will develop for him. However, I do hope he isn't going to be a cliché character, because to be quite honest, I like him.

Chapter Three: The suspense is killing me! I want to know why she can see him...now!! xD Eve is very curious, isn't she? There isn't much to say for this chapter, other than I thought it was short and a nice read. I saw no grammatical errors or anything like that. I love how Ray calls her “silly girl” ;)

Chapter Four: I like how your portraying her “addiction” or obssesion with him, it went a bit too fast for me, but that's just me.

I like the action in this chapter. You were descriptive, but at the same blunt so that I didn't get distracted. I like this side of Ray, I find it very attractive :) Hmmm... I'm hopingRay and Eve get together and shack up their friendship develops into a relationship, but I could be wrong. I saw nothing wrong with this chapter. The chapters are a bit short for me, but I like it, because I don't fall asleep at the keyboards.

This was probably my favorite chapter, because there was a bit of action in it, which I like very much, and it showed another side of Ray. There was a lot of mystery in this chapter, and questions running through my head. I hope they will be answered, which I'm sure they will :)

Chapter Five: “We can’t go back, he’ll hunt you down,” Whoah. I wonder why someone wants to hunt her down?

I really liked your descriptions of all the other faeries. They have a human-like quality about them, but also an other-wordly thing about them. Your sentences and dialogue go very well together, and they aren't choppy at all.

I didn’t see Ray for days and fear began to set in that he was dead. – RAY CANNOT BE DEAD! I won't allow him to die! XD I really like that line, it's suspenseful for the reader.

Chapter Six: The blonde blend of sunlight took my bedroom by storm, and I shuddered at the thought of rolling out of bed. I cannot say this enough, I love your use of descriptive words.

“I thought you were curious about where I go during the day?” Ray is just causing trouble for her, tsk, tsk, tsk. But I love Ray. To me, Ray is one of those characters you just love, no matter how evil his nature can be. I'm still kinda of iffy with Eve, but I'm leaning towards liking her.

Your writing style is captivating, and draws the reader in. You had some typos here and there, but that's alright. One thing I would advise on though, is to add a bit of dimension to Eve. I'm not saying to change her completely, but there are something we don't know about her, and I would like to know more about her. Anyway, I hope this review was helpful!

love this story! :)