Neuropathy - Comments

i really love this story. Is this what happened to you and im sorry about ur Lyme disease that must have been bad.

I really like this story. Your writing style is gorgeous. It's effective, wordy, and flows nicely. This is very realistic. Very. I comprehend that it's based on your own experiences, yes? That makes it so much better, and so much more authentic. Plus, the title and layout are amazing. I love one-word titles, because they make me want to find out about the story more than multiple-word ones. I don't know why. xD The summary is so intriguing, and so beautiful, that I wanted to read more with a burning passion.

I'm subscribed, of course. xD

I love the layout I really do though

you had lyme disease too? wow I feel like this actually related to me I kept feeling pains headaches & it was just bad when the doctor told me I kept taking pills still she kept saying I was positive when I wasn't anymore until another doctor told me ... I was irritated.

sometimes even the craziest looking person may be telling the truth but your right some doctors you tell them everything & only come up with some so guess what they give you pills that don't even work for that because you don't have that I hate when that happens I mean really do you even listen to all i'm telling you?

The layout is beautiful in its simplicity. I love how the story starts with description. It's beautiful and cleverly interesting. In such a big world with so many voices, how do you make it? It was my favorite line. Very good job so far.

I love it, thanks for recommending it to me definitely original, I hope you update soon :)

I really, really like the layout. It's got the kind of "sugar-cookie feel" to it too, with the nice bright colors, but then the banner picture. I also like how you're basing it off of a personal experience. It's really interesting to read.
Uh-oh, my name's Sadie, does that mean that I'm going to get sick and go crazy? :-O
*clicks subscribe button* Keep writing this, it's great.

After reading Chapter 2:
I really like how you introduced the character here. Sometime a person will write an intro and it just seems weird to have there in the story, but you pulled it off perfectly here. (Must re-read later and see how...)

I think this is a beautiful piece of writing. I'm going to subscripe. =D

On Chapter 1:
"Illnesses are one of the scariest things on planet Earth. Sure, ghosts and spiders are creepy little things, but nothing can amount to the power of disease."
So true, so true.

Layout is really nice. I like the picture. =D

On the Introduction:
Very well written, and good in details. One can see that the writer clearly knows what they're talking about, and that is a great skill in writing, in my opinion. =) And it's written so people can even relate; although I cannot personally relate, I can understand one who can. =)

Layout: I like the simple colors of the layout. It makes it easy on the eyes. The banner is creepy and helps to set the mood of the story.

Character Analysis: I really like how you set up the character's relationships to start off with. The cookie-cutter style of the world she lives in works, and I like that you chose some plain-ish names to fit the boring, cookie-cutter aspect of her world (Although the cookie analogy itself made me hungry XD).

Descriptions: I love that you use longer sentences, but I think that in this line,

Just the littlest poke feels like electrocution.

doesn't flow very well. Maybe if it said Just the tiniest poke feels like electrocution. would be better? Maybe it's just me XD

I love how much thought you put into your sentences. They flow really well and reiterate the intensity of the pain this person feels and how it can't be cured. I love how the intro and the first chapter are pretty much just the character setting the scene, almost like she's trying to get the reader to understand what's going on. I haven't seen that in a lot of stories on here, and I find that a really good way to start it.

Style: The longer, flowing sentences are wonderful. You really make it work. I like how you also have some short, to the point sentences thrown in so the long sentences aren't overpowering. It's a very nice style and keeps the reader engaged.

Foreshadowing: I like where you ended it so far.

I was a statue. I was strong. Or so I thought.

This line really stuck out to me because she's sort of telling us that she's not as strong as she thinks she is, and it pretty much tells us that something bad is going to happen to her.

I feel like this was a lot longer when I was typing it. Well, if it's not long enough, let me know :)

I'm really interested in seeing where you take this!

I like how the layout is sort of light and airy except then there's a skeleton and that sort of sets a mood. Not a very light and airy mood, actually. :D

The first paragraph in all, I think that you could sort of condense the amount of people to make it flow better. After "any other family member" it sort of drags to me, I don't know.

You feel like your entire body is on fire and this time, there’s no extinguisher.
Just reading that makes me squirm, ouch. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much pain that would be. :/

I like the mosquito thing, especially how you compared it to the sickness and then the doctors are the one swatting away. To me it's sort of like, they think she's making it up so she's the disease now, because she's crazy. That could just be me, but I really liked that.

The first chapter is just so heartbreaking, especially so since you went through it. Like I said- I couldn't even begin to imagine what that's like. But I do like the sort of tone in this, how it's sort of cocky in the way where it's pointing out the flaws in humanity like it's better than everyone else. How things can change so quickly and we can't really do... anything. Again, don't know if you were aiming for that sort of thing, but that's what I definitely got, and I liked it. :D

I also like how it's sort of in-your-face while addressing the reader all the time. Sort of like shoving it in my face, but in a good way, aha.

I like how you stick with how as humans, we like to think we're on top, but we're not really. We're incredibly weak, and we depend too much on other things- try to take the easy way out. How you described the waiting for everything to get better, it's so true, because that's what everyone does when they're sick. Hope for doctors or hope their body knows what it's doing.

They’re always traveling, always moving, getting deeper and deeper into your soul as we speak.
I like how now it's not just the body that the sickness is attacking, it's going deep into the person's mind. Sort of shows how much these sort of things can affect people.

That entire paragraph just makes me squirm thinking about all the germs inside and out of us, aha. We're damn surrounded. I may just become a germaphobe after this, man. :D

The metaphor as it being a war is cool, I really like it. The invading and defenses and waiting, it's a smart way to look at it.

AND NOW WE GET TO LEARN ABOUT THE CHARACTER! :D

You really have the best metaphors, seriously. The sugar cookie? I really liked it, aha.

As you go deeper, I like learning about her, how normal she lived because it sort of like "this could happen to anyone" sort of deal. She had friends, she had family. It makes me sad knowing that her and Jane are going to have a falling out of some kind, but I'm really excited to read the rest of this story. And it starts off so small, like not even that big of a deal.

You may have just made me scared for life, now. I'm probably going to be so paranoid after this.
ANYWAYS, it's an incredibly lovely piece.
:D

This is definitely an interesting story, unlike one I've ever seen before. I will have to subscribe, I like your writing style; although sometimes it can get a bit wordy and dry.

xD this make me do a double take: "My mom stays at home and keeps the house in order when my dad works every day at the local nuclear power station as an engineer." I didn't think there were such things as "Local nuclear power stations"

I really loved this. <3
I see the detail in it and in ways I can relate. I really hope for an update but I won't press on the issue because I too am a huge procrastinater. I think you're doing a wonderful job and I can't wait for the next update, whether it be tomorrow or weeks from now.

I just read chapter two and it was amazing. The detailed pain in the shoulder made me really get into the story. So much as to where I felt like I was experiencing the pain. I subscribed and I can't wait to read more. :)

It’s like a worm, wiggling through a complicated system of tunnels, mapping out a route and invading something that isn’t their own. The thought of something slithering around where you can’t see it is enough to make your skin crawl and twitch.

I love that. The analogy makes it easy to understand. If someone reading this has absolutely no medical knowledge whatsoever, you word phrases so that those people are able to understand your story.
Great first chapter. :)

Wow, this is really well written. A lot of detail makes the story superb. :)

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Nut I'm here and ready to review.
=)

The layout, title, and summary page are all very clean and neat. The banner of the layout was a little creepy, but it was very interesting to look at nonetheless. The title is creative and fun to say haha. I liked the summary too, it made me wonder what would happen within the chapters.

The story itself is very intriguing, I like the idea of it all. The way things are described are very thoughtful, like it is full of emotion and detail. Very unique story you have and I hope that it continues on as such, wonderful job, keep that writing style of yours going strong.

Dear lord, this is captivating. It's so real. It tackles a big part of society that not a lot of people seem to write about. As humans, we become ill. You've written this so perfectly. It's so believable and my heart feels for those who suffer from any sort of illness, whether it be physical or mental. It's a tragic thing, isn't it? Oh, I'm rambling. Anyway, you've got this. . interesting diction and way you write. It's so elegant. I love it. I'm subscribing, because I need to know more.

Illnesses are one of the scariest things on planet Earth. Sure, ghosts and spiders are creepy little things, but nothing can amount to the power of disease.

I loved this. It's so true. I'm afraid of both, but becoming sick is one of my worst fears. You've captured me and I can't wait for more.

I agree with the illness thing
it makes you stuck with where you are
you know you won't make it through,
that you can't do anything, no matter how hard you try
since I"ve experenced all of my grandparents dying of illnesses,
I can defenitly relate to this story, even after the first paragraph
i agree with that as well, you kind of feel useless
you're body is fighting it for you, not you
it's like putting your life in someone else's hands
it is a scary thought, germs do spread awfully fast
you use very good analogys in your writing
things that makes sense, and go along with the context
so, she thinks she's sick, but she isn't?
loved the sugar cookie analogy! that was really good :)
i lke how you're explaining her life, ti does seem really good
I love how she met Jane over a yellow crayon xD haha
so, she randomly just felt a pain in her body? that's kind of weird..
yeah okay that sounds like it would hurt immensley bad
wow, such a unique and interesting idea I must say
I really like it so far, 'm wondering what you'll do with it ;)

Your layout is bone chilling. See what I did there, with the bones and the picture? Nevermind. Your summary makes me literally want to click the first link. Your first chapter reminds me of myself. My family calls me a Hypochondriac even though every time we go to a doctor I have diagnosed myself correctly. I know -- in a way -- what it's like to feel pain and have no one believe you. As I'm reading chapter two, I'm nodding my head in agreement, this chapter also gave me the urge to wash my body and brush my teeth, you make germs sound so... disgusting. Seriously, I totally would become a bubble person if that would keep me healthy, I have an immune system of a newborn. According to the rules of being a child, receiving a gift someone automatically makes them your best friend, and so it was. In the third chapter, this should have said receiving a gift from someone. I probably looked constipated from how straight my posture was I giggled, I hope that was what you were going for in that part, it just was the great comic relief from such a serious story. It was great. I really can't wait for your update because I want to see where this goes. I mean I've gotten random pains before, my shoulders, my arms, mostly my knees, and damn, I usually wanna cry -- but I'm a baby when it comes to pain so I won't take it seriously -- I've never had it flare up to the point of needing a hospital or anything. I've never actually given it a thought before this story.