Featherless Bird - Comments

Oh wow this is good. I really feel like I know the main character well. Great sense of imagery and wording matched well with the story. There is a sense of suspense and it's quite interesting. I wasn't expecting the kidnapping, it's so unpredictable and that's what gives it its charm. I like the layout and banner also, well done. This is a very good story.

Details where a bit thick but i loved the banner and lay out and the story all together is very sweet and I like it.

Oi! Oh! Yay!
This was definitely what I needed.
Thank you for the great read.
And I'm subscribing *Click*

Lovely. :)

I like the title, it's interesting and the layout really suits it.

The main character at the moment kind of annoys me, which is kind of a good thing. Hopeless people annoy me, and it is clear that she is both hopeless and helpless, after her break-up. In other words, you've shown that off really well.

I found the kidnapping thing to be a little abnormal. She accepts it too quickly, after she takes forever to figure it out. Most people would be screaming and trying to escape, they'd be guarded.

So this is out of the ordinary.

I dig it. <3

Woah, I definitely wasn't expecting this at all. When you first mentioned how she was sort of quirky and light-spirited I assumed it was going to be one of those romantic comedies about how she finds herself in the big city or something, and then you just... wow, I can't even. It was just so out of no where, but I think that's why it hit so hard, because it was just so unexpected. Sort of makes you think that this sort of thing could happen to anyone- because all in all she seemed to be dealing with some rather normal problems.
The only sort of thing I can really say it that she seems to accept it pretty quickly, being that she breaks down crying first. I think it would work better if she immediately started pounding on the door and looking for an escape- just realistically, most people would do that first and then accept defeat, and then the crying would come in.
But all in all this is really fantastic, count me as a new subscriber! :D

I love the summary and your layout!! :D its freggin amazing!!! haha(: i love your writing style and how your writing fits with Carolyn.
Over all, Great job can't wait for the next chapter!! :D

I love the summary and your layout!! :D its freggin amazing!!! haha(: i love your writing style and how your writing fits with Carolyn.
Over all, Great job can't wait for the next chapter!! :D

Oh, I didn't separate the prologue from the first chapter. The first chapter review starts at In all she looked like a homeless, sorry for that (:

Ok, just to start, I want to tell you that your layout is beyond gorgeous! It makes me smile just looking at it, seriously. Your story title just simply seems right, it fits perfectly with your story and your chapter title picture goes well too.

The prologue is wonderful, like you've left it with a giant cliffhanger. All these questions are seriously just running through my mind. What could have happened to this girl? Who could have hurt a girl and traumatized her in such a way that she hates them? It's a great prologue, really great. In all, she looked like a homeless, That "a" isn't really necessary, it sort of just confuses your reader. or the subway;some beggars were on the street there needs to be a space between some and the semi colon.Not like in this city where she knew about ten people, including the old woman who ran the bookstore and the guy who worked at the small grocery store she went at. I think you mean went to. She sighed as she sat down on an unoccupied bench next to what looked to a business lady. Looked to be a business lady sounds much more appropriate. His eyes were almost black, and his lips looked like they were in stone. Set in stone sounds much better.

Those were the mistakes I found in chapter one, though the paragraph that I have up there looks big there's like five or six mistakes total which is absolutely outstanding for your chapter's length. Anyway, seriously, this story is captivating and I love it. I'm subscribing. The way you've described her life was a little depressing which I'm sure is just setting the mood for the whole story. I like the way you have described this employee, so God like. I think of all British boys like that haha. Anyway, I can't wait for more and hope I didn't discourage you by my criticism, I really just want to let you know what would help improve it. (:

This story is really interesting and I love where you ended the first chapter. It wasn’t too long as you thought, it was the best place to cut this piece off, it would have seemed far too choppy any other way. I think that you have a good writing style, its very unique and it fits very well with Carolyn’s personality. There were a couple things however that I just wanted to say. This story takes place in London and there were a couple times where you didn’t use the British words for things and it kind of took away from the atmosphere of the story. For the longest time I thought that you meant London, Ontario because I didn’t see any Britishims. For example, Ellie should have said ‘snogger’ instead of kisser, that’s really a North American thing and the subway is called the tube in London. I think using slang of the city you’re using is really helpful in a story and helps your readers develop an exact atmosphere, in the physical sense and you can play with your readers senses. I think that the boy at the store is very intriguing and I really want to know what he’s going to do to Carolyn because when you first introduced him, he seemed sweet and I was a bit shocked by the last line.

To agree with the others, the layout is fabulous. I love the way you describe Carolyn as "another girl with no fashion sense," it really gives a sense that the character is more ordinary, more of an everyman. It's a nice refrain, considering that most main characters are portrayed as flashy and eccentric. She really caught my attention.

Everything seemed in the ordinary that day, people were rushing to catch a cab or the subway, some beggars were on the street, and everyone ignored them and you had some high schoolers who were skipping school to go smoke a joint or do something of the sort.
That sentence is a bit awkward. Run-on-ish, too. Restructuring it will help the flow of your story.

Overall, I really like this. Great work!

The layout is really really pretty :)
And the chapter was absolutely lovely.
Subscribed :D

I love the layout, it fits so well :)
Im intrigued, I really want to know whats up with her!
Please update soon?

the layout is just absolutely lovely.
and the title is...interesting.
i really would like to know why she's the way she is.
and i really really want to know who's the boy that has caused all of this.
this kept me on my toes, which is great for opening, because it sure made me want to keep reading.
i am definitely subscribing to this because i think it's awfully amazing.
keep up the great work! and i can't wait till the next chapter is posted. :3

I'm very curious, I want to know what happened to her which makes her react in this way. I like that it keeps the mystery of the story, that we don't know everything about this girl all at once. It's good to keep at a steady pace, rather than throw a ridiculous amount of information at the readers.
It was well written and well described, I felt her emotions alongside her and I really want to know what makes her feel this way. The layout is also very pretty :)

Okay, here are my thoughts.
The layout is excellent, and the color combination is very nice. asking alex. also makes epic banners. :D The prologue was awesome. It didn't give away too much of the story, yet it still made you want to read more of it, to get the full story. I liked how you used the metaphor of the snow melting and leaving behind her troubles, yet I have a feeling they will be back to haunt her... :D
Great job.

This sounds amazing. (: I can't wait for it.
And the layout is amazing, as is the summary.

such a pretty layout! the banner is amazing <3!
and it all just fits together really nicely for sure
Good summary as well, just overall really good so far!
This is going to be a good story, i have a feeling :)