"Perfection takes time." He shrugged, tearing off a piece of bread from the loaf on the table. I smiled at the waitress as she poured me a glass of wine, before looking over to him with a bored expression.
"You obviously didn't stay in there long enough then." I smiled prettily, taking a swig from the wine.
That was the best haha. She gets all the rewards for that one.
God, Brian is so tactless. Like how does one even become so tactless? Like the whole 'it was her fault that she missed your first wedding thing'. So tactless. I need to stop saying tactless.
I loved her little act about being upset and storming out of the restaurant. And Brian getting the wine spilled on him. Flawless.
"Perfection takes time." He shrugged, tearing off a piece of bread from the loaf on the table. I smiled at the waitress as she poured me a glass of wine, before looking over to him with a bored expression.
"You obviously didn't stay in there long enough then." I smiled prettily, taking a swig from the wine.
That was the best haha. She gets all the rewards for that one.
God, Brian is so tactless. Like how does one even become so tactless? Like the whole 'it was her fault that she missed your first wedding thing'. So tactless. I need to stop saying tactless.
I loved her little act about being upset and storming out of the restaurant. And Brian getting the wine spilled on him. Flawless.
I really love the opening paragraph of this chapter. It's just, I don't know, very...vivid, I guess, in my head. So I sat there trying to imagine what it would be like to adjust back to your senses in that way.
I wasn't sure why I was continuously doing anything any more.
Ah, I relate to that sentence so very well.
God, past Brian is such an ass. I would want to drown in in his own pool lol.
Okay, scratch that, even present Brian is an ass lol.
So many forms of tension between them. Like, tension everywhere.
Okay, this comment probably sucks, but I'm running on sleep dep and my brain was like, "Hey, know what I haven't done!? Commented on Hell's story!" and so then I decided to do so lol.
I like it, I like the style in which you are writing in, but i noticed you changed points of veiw a couple of times in one chapter and I found my self slightly confussed, I love how you dont focus on dialogue but on the actions, discriptions and the smaller things that surround the dialogue and add to the actual story. I love how Andrea is a more 3D character she's not dense and what you expect you deffinatly get more than expected with her, she seems just as stubborn as Brian and isn't going to lie down and take his crap so easily. Good Job :)
First of all, I love the title - as I am a huge Rise Against fan. So, points to you! ;)
And the story - well, you're a good writer. I love the narrative. I love when dialogue is minimal and/or surrounded by a lot of subtext/descriptions/detail, and you did just that. I could picture what was happening around them as they spoke, and I could picture their conversation - which is another thing I love about stories.
Well, this story isn't the type of story that I would usually read. But it's still a good read. You're a good writer. I notice a few typos but nothing too obvious.
I read chapter 1 and I have to say that I'm impressed with your descriptive skills. You bring the readers into this girl's mind flawlessly and the rest of the chapter flows perfectly.
I really enjoyed reading this fic. I adored the quirks that you gave the characters, such as the narrartor's impatience and the boyfriend's tardiness. I felt like this first chapter flowed really naturally as well. As far as concrit goes, I did catch a few grammatical errors (it seems like you're a little too trigger-happy with commas), but it was nothing that really detracted from my reading and comprehension of the piece. I also have to admit that I thought incorporating the Shinedown lyrics into the dialogue at the end of the chapter was a little...cheesy...for lack of a better term.
Overall, this was an enjoyable read, and I wish you luck as you continue with it :)
Brian is such an idiot sometimes lol. Okay, well, all of the time. I liked this chapter, and how you ended it, too. It was a good way to end it and it made me smirk.
bahahah!! thanks for the shoes.. sooo funny!! i am lovin' this and pouted when i came to the end of chapter 7, i wanted more :) been reading 1-7 just now :D jimmy is the cutest.. along with zacky and matt tho :D papa & suzy are adorable :D brian.. well what can i say about him? hot as hell... stubborn.. stupid.. moody.. *sighs* more more more <3