I'll Jump for You - Comments

dude someone needs to kick js ass lol update soon

more more more love this

love this cant wait for more

I think it's a good story, good ideas and such. The grammar is a bit off, though. I've only read three chapters, but I wanted to post a comment before I went on so you'd know that I'm reading it. I think the layout is a bit crazy, but it is readable, and that's all that really matters. If you wanted, I could go over your writing and fix it up a bit, to make the sentences a bit more structured. But hey, it's not my story! Your choice, though. I've got a lot of free time. I still really like it, though. None of this is meant in a bad way, just constructive criticism to better your writing abilities.

Have a good day.

Still loving this story. Keep it up, you're doing great love!

I love all 24 chapters of this so far(:
I'm subscribing(:

As always, I'll start with the layout. It's simple and fits the story. However, the red does hurt my eyes a bit. It's probably just a personal preference though, I'm not sure. Some colors just hurt my eyes.

The story, on the other hand, is interesting. Like others said, kind of cliche but as Julie Black said, sometimes simplicity is nice. The abusive family kinda surprised me though. I do plan on reading more when I get the chance.

This is a nice, simple story. I think simplicity is underrated very much, and it doesn't mean "bad." Sometimes, it's nice to just read something that is plain as day and the point is in your face; there's no weird symbolism or hidden messages.
I read the first 3 chapters, and I enjoyed them. I also like how as you write, you get better. Even grammatically, you improve, and that's a very important thing for a writer to accomplish. You also have good character development as the story goes on, which is also a nice talent. Over all- good job :)

I didn't actually mind the layout. I read the first few chapters but will return to read the rest when I have more time. I like the name Lexi. The relationship between her and the guys is awesome. I love it. Lexi is a good character. I really like her as the narrator. Tokio Hotel is one of my favorite bands but I never read a Tokio Hotel story here yet. This is the first and I like it a lot so far. You are a good writer <3

I don't know much about Tokio Hotel, but that's okay!
I like thep icture used, and the layout is nice!
but I thnk the red kind of hurts my eyes :/
Lexi! I love that name! I'm a fan of the name Alexandria too <3
I like the relationship between her and Georg already,
he seems like kind of the protective older brother type..?
that's just what I've gotten from him so far that's all :3
aww they're only in elementary school here :3 that's so cute
ahh twins! double trouble man ;D
I like Lexi no homework is very good :D! haha
i thought this was a great beginning, it looks good :)
great job!

Not rude but appreciated :)

The layout is a bit bland, but it's readable so that's always nice.
I only read the first three chapters, by the way.
So, you have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes here, and the sentences don't seem to flow together as well as they should. You might want to think about getting a beta.
Also, I don't know a lot of 9 year olds that study, and I know because that's how old my sister is.
The chemistry between the guys and her seems to be a little weird, as her relationship with her father. Even if he is abusing her, those don't seem like the type of things that he'd say.

I don't mean to be rude by writing this, I'm just trying to help. (:

Definitely wasnt going in to allllll the detail in the rape scene, not because I am inexperienced, but because she was telling her former best friend. There is a part of Lexi that holds back so much, and here she didn't want to go into with him.

Thank you both! Yes, my grammar always needs touching up even after I checked it :) My english teachers in college had a field day with me.... LOL! But not I am off to read! Look out for comments!

This story is really good. I enjoyed it. I think it could be written with a little more detail at some points, but it is definitely going to be a good one. The narration style is good, similar to mine, so it was easy for me to get into reading. The rape scene, that was pretty good. I've seen some that are a little more detailed and intense than this. I don't know whether yours was bland because you are inexperienced with writing that, or wanted to keep a PG13 rating. Either way, it was still good. Keep up the good work. (:
Xxoo,
Bridgette

What you've got is awesome!

First of all, I'm just going to make a little aesthetic point: I think it could work better it you either had all your chapter titles in capital letters, or in lower case with captials only when needed. Personally, I think the latter would look better, but the former would also work well. However, this is more an aesthetic/consistency point rather than anything else.

I love Lexi as a narrator. She instantly seems relatable and therefore the reader sides with her and empathises with her. She's an interesting character, both to hear from and to hear about. Her viewpoint is both informative for the plot, but also gives the reader a sense of her character and personality.

It needs a little minor polishing for minor grammar errrors and for consistency, but it shows alot of promise, so keep going, because it's great!

More love to this story!! Keep it up!!

Yes it is a band :) Love them. And she is 23 in the now. I didnt think I was making her sound that old... LOL but thank you I am glad you enjoyed it :)

Your writing is absolutely AWESOME! Is this a band? I've never heard of it -.- I suggest you read over your work and do the regular check over your work thing. I know, boring right? Also, pay attention to the little things. She sounds, how do I say it, older then she should be? Over all, your writing is smooth and easy to read :)

Thanks for the comments :) Very appreciated. I am working on it :) Like I said I have been out of the game for 2 years, so I am trying to get back into the swing of it! HAHAHA!

As for making her sound a little too old I totally understand where you are coming from. Dont get me wrong. I worked with kids during my junior year of college that came from not okay homes just like Lexi is dealing with, and oh my god, what was coming out of their mouths I thought I was talking to twenty year olds. Now I am not saying your wrong, because not every child is going to be sophisticated like this, because many of them werent. With the children I was working with they were. I decided to go that route more or less because even though she is young she is wise well beyond her years and has an understanding of why this should or should not be happening to her. I was going to make her seem alot younger than she was, but went this route :)

Note to self: Always go with gut instinct first, if you dont like it yourself you can always change it later! LOL! But thank you very much for the comments. This story is far from over, and it will hopefully develop in to something no one is expecting :) More soon :) <3

I think you have a good storyline. I'm not big on fanfics but I do think this has a good storyline. There are a few things I would fix, though. For a nine year old she acts a little too old. Maybe it's just my opinion, though. Also, the fact that she knows she deserves better, I think many kids that live like that and have for their whole lives don't have that same mindset. It might also be more interesting if she didn't have that mindset. Maybe she could feel more (I want to say acceptance but I'm not sure that it's the word I'm looking for.) Just a suggestion, though. :3

It really seems like it's turning out well. The layout is nice and I don't think I saw any punctuation or grammatical or spelling errors, so well done :)