I'm Not Perfect - Comments

Loved the update! :D
Aww... poor Von. It's sad what her and her brother have been through. :( I admire her brother for stepping up, though. That's a brave step to take; especially when it was as young as he was.
And you can't blame him for being protective of her. Aha. It's what older brothers do. ;)
One thing I noticed, though it may or may not be a typo:
'Thinking it was one of her friends or her brother, she answered with hesitation.'
I believe it should say 'without hesitation'. Right? Because if it's someone you're used to talking to, you wouldn't answer 'with hesitation'. But idk.
Other than that, you're golden. :)
Great job with the update! Can't wait for more!
And yes, definitely recommended! :D

There are a few typos, I have to admit but I find myself identifying with Flare's chapter. The thought of having a mother that pushes you to church, and making the 'right' choices... touches a nerve, ya know?

There's a lot about this story that make it original and very relate-able. I think that with a good beta, you could make it more amazing than it currently is.

"Maybe even skinner" should be "Maybe even skinnier"? as in slimer?, and not as in skinning?
"glance at her self" should be "glance at herself"? just asking, since it makes a difference.
"Your one to talk big brother" should be "You're one to talk big brother", same pronouncement, but gramatically important, even in speach.
is the girl saying "I don't ..", in which case it should be in " _ ", not in italic?

You really have to go over the story more carefully. It's no fun to be a 'Grammar Nazi', when leaving a comment here.
Some are easy to forgive, and some are distracting.

Even if you're describing an important issue, and seems to be spot on, this far.

The summary is pretty intriguing. Although the theme is something that I read before (the secrets girls always hide), this one seems like it has the potential to be quite different. I am a little bothered by the fact that the chapters aren't going in the same order as the list is in the description.

The first chapter starts the story of quite well. It sets the tone for the story and makes me curious on what's going to happen. It was quite surprising for me to find out the Luvy actually had a boob job and she's only going into her Junior year of school, plus she's Korean. This is definitely something that's not very commonly seen, especially with the culture background. As for the rest of the characters... I'm actually confused. I don't know if its because all of them were introduced so quickly, but I can barely keep my head straight. I'm not the type of person that wants to rely on the Characters section, but I've already found myself on that page twice while reading just so I can follow the plot.

( Somewhat unrelated note, the face character you're using for Ja is gorgeous. )

It was a bit surprising for the next chapter to start off at the party, but it really didn't bother me. The transition wasn't too bad. Having the focus switch to the next character was a nice change since I'm slowly beginning to learn who's who. So far though, you have mentioned Von getting into the AP program twice and its already seems repetitive to me. I understand its a main point to the plot, but it should only have to be said once or twice. Again, there were more characters introduced and I had to slow down and read over the chapter again just to be sure what was going on.

The third chapter was somewhat shorter than the rest, but it still gave plenty of insight to Flare. It wasn't extremely exciting but it was definitely informative. It was actually a bit confusing to me on how it jumps from her going to church to it being a school day so suddenly. I kept asking myself why she was going to school on a Sunday until I realized that it was skipping to the next day.

September's chapter is starting out well. I already can tell she's going to be a badass girl with attitude problems. It is nice to see she has more substance than just being a jerk to others. Now that she's in class with Luvy, another character was introduced again. I can't help but to feel like I'm missing out on something. Maybe Natalie was introduced before or mentioned and I missed it? or maybe she's just a new character all together?

Honestly, I've been looking forward to Spencer's chapter. Her character seemed almost... relatable in a sense, even though I'm nothing like her. The only annoyance I have is when you write the family's dialogue. I know that they're from the South and their speech is incredibly different, but just the way it looked on the screen was off to me.

This last chapter was interesting again. What else can I say about Luvy other than that she's interesting and can be a bitch? Her character isn't bad though. The chapter brought more drama into the story, mainly with her ignoring her friends.

Overall, this story isn't bad. The plot is there and the characters are there, but everything seems so rushed and confusing to me. Each chapter skips to the next setting so quickly that I can barely keep up. I really do enjoy the plot and the background for each girl. Maybe the story would be more interesting if it was told in one point of view and left the other girls a mystery. Then maybe a sequel could happen with the next girl, and so on. Each girl could have her own story.

Regardless, this is your story and you should format it the way you want. I suggest getting a beta or have someone look over the story before the chapters are posted. There are a few grammar mistakes here and there as well as spelling, but it didn't leave the story unreadable. Again, the plot and characters aren't bad at all. :)

(Unrelated note... I'm sorry for posting such a long comment. I wanted to cover everything. >.<' )

Leaving you a comment again just because this story is sooo lovely. And deserves another comment. :)
Plus, Mibba deleted the last comment I left. :(

The summary is good except for a typo on the word "skinnier." Also, I'm feeling very OC because the chapter titles don't follow the same order as in the summary. And I think for the first chapter, the 'd' in "disappoint" should be capitalized. And most of the closing quotation marks are spaced wrong in the first chapter, making it a little confusing to read. I'm done with the technical things. Now, on to the story!

It's actually pretty good. I'm very curious about Von since she's the most different one. So far, she is my favorite character here. I hope she doesn't end up as messed up as her friends are. But even if they seem like bitches, I still want them to achieve their goals. :)

Yay, an update! :D
Loved the new chapter. :)
Hm... aw, poor Spencer. :( I don't really think this 'diet' is going to work for her. Giving up a lot of food and just eating a few healthy things. That's not good for her. She should eat each meal but something healthy at each one, if she wants a healthy diet. Poor girl. :(
Hm... and Luvy doesn't seem to be as friendly with September as she lets off. :/
Great job with the update, hon. I hope the inspiration for writing the story sticks with you. I'm still here, so I'll be reading! <3

I thought Spencer and September were dudes at first. lol. Anyway, sorry it took so long for me to reply. I enjoyed this story. It's different from most other ones and I actually liked it. There were small grammar mistakes. For example:

“He always looks at us as if we’re going to steal something, “Vontrice (Von) checked herself in Flare’s window before giving herself a satisfied nod and started walking up the path to Luvy’s house.

You put the " next to Vontrice. That happened a couple times. Other than that you're good. I like this. I don't know why her mother would let her get a boob job. Much more pay for them. But it adds to the story. It's like she steps all over her mother. But I like it. I'm gonna read more. :"D

Summary: I thought it was cute, but it didn't really draw me in immediately.

Chapter one: it's a good start, but again, it didn't draw me in. I thought it was kinda funny at times, but the whole thing seemed rushed and forced. I like the idea of it, though, and I like your description.

Chapter two: I liked this one a lot better. Your character was a lot more relatable and the characterization was much better. You kept me interested and I really liked your style in this. I didn't see many errors and that's good. It did seem forced at first, but as it went on, it flowed a lot better.

Chapter three: I wish Flare had as much characterization as Von. Luvy needs more, too. I like the way you portray the mother, though. It's very good. Once again, very few errors - good job. I think this chapter was just too quick, but that's my opinion. I like your writing style in it.

Chapter four: this was probably my favorite chapter. September is my favorite character definitely. You did a great job with her attitude and shown different aspects of her personality. There were a few more errors than last chapter, but thats okay.

Keep working on this. It's a great idea.

Layout
I personally think the layout is lovely minus the blue purplish text. I don't know it just doesn't feel exactly right with the darkish layout. Like the text color takes it from a 100 to a 98. Just an opinion.

Chapters

One
-I find the characters quite charming and realistic. You can kinda just feel like the characters are actual teenagers during the end of the summer.

Two
- I love how Von is pretty much a touch girl who's popular, but is poor compared to her classmates. It's a situation usually not seen.
-Ja hitting on Von was adorable, and funny how she was trying to get Flare. I laughed when she said “You owe me two blonde bi-curious girls.”

“Cause you think your slick." I think you meant you're.

All in all I love how the chapter was mainly about Von and how we see people from her past and her reaction.

~ I'm sorry, but I have 5 more to do. So I'm reviewing the first two chapters, and if you want I can review the rest later ~

Sorry it took me a bit to comment. But I'm here now!

The first thing that caught my attention were the chapter titles. I absolutely love them. The way they correspond with the story title adds a great touch and active interest for the story within.

I really like the brutal honesty of this chapter. The fact that she's going to these parties and doing these things without her parent's knowledge is very real. All of your conversations flow naturally without being too over-the-top. They also hold alot of interest and give alot of information about your characters, without revealing too much too early.

I'm only pointing this out because I appreciate it when people find my mistakes so I can fix them, so I try to do that for others. :3
“Your one to talk big brother,” Should be You're.
friends’. No apostrophe needed. :3
“Your just jealous, “September stuck out her tongue. Also You're. :3
Typically when a new person begins talking, there is a paragraph break. But that's also up to personal writing style. It simply makes it easier to follow and keeps things from running together.

Other than those few things, it is a marvelous story, and I'm looking forward to seeing it develop! :3

The layout is a little cluttered, but the idea is good. I think that it makes it out to be very cliche and reminds me of Pretty Little Liars where they all have something wrong with them. I think you need to work on your descriptions, but other than that it has potential.

Sorry this is so late, I only just got back from a family party ^_^
So firstly, I really love your layout. I think it suits the story and it goes with the theme. I also love the idea for the story, and the storyline is interesting although there doesn't seem to be any firm direction to the plot yet, but I guess that's just because you're getting started. The characters all have interesting names, and are all flawed which makes them seem real. However a lot of them have so many flaws its hard to like them, or maybe that's just me.
Sometimes, when there is dialogue all the lines are together and this can be confusing. My favourite character so far is Luvy's brother ^_^
Overall this is a really nice story and I can't wait to see where it goes :)

Loved the update! Hm... so we got a hint of September's story now.
She's very independent. I really like her character. I wish I could be more bold like she is; she doesn't really seem to care what people think about her. But she still cares about her friends. :)
And I'm glad they all have at least one point in the school day where they can see each other.
Great job with the update! :) Can't wait for the next one! :D

There are quite a few grammatically errors that can be easily fixes if you read back through it. Also, all the paragraphs need to be separates by a double space.

Your description could also improve. Our dialogue is excelent, but I didn't feel any emotion or setting while reading this. A reader must picture the story perfectly in their mind and you must help them with that :)

The summary was really creative. I could totally relate. No one is perfect. Even the "popular" kids. I really like Luvy and Flare. Flare is spunky and different. Luvy is somewhat "fake," but she doesn't meet her parent's expectations. And she's Asian. We doesn't really see many of them in stories around here anymore.

This is really good. The girls were created very well. (:

So, like I told Psychotic Secrets I took long cause I posted the journal leaving work. So sorry but I am here now :D

I like the whole idea of this and how they are kinda stuck up bratty girls but obviously aren't perfect and have flaws. :) I'm looking forward to the rest. oh and thanks for the comment :D
Oh and P.S. when I saw the character's page and saw September Palmer's pic I just melted. Hot ass mother effin girl xD hahahaha sorry, had to let that out.

This is well done, but there's definitely some editing that can be done. The way the lines are spaced confuses me a bit, but the actual story I like quite a lot.

I lalalove the layout. <3

So! The first chapter, when I read about Luvy's boob job, I was like "ARE YOU SRSLY SRS?" She's like, my age.. ouch.

I like how you have some diversity. Like, it's awesome. Because different cultures do things differently, you know? Like every Asian kid I know is pressured to do well in school (and they're pretty damn smart) by their parents. The only thing I really have an issue with is the spacing. Just like between the paragraphs, it'd be a lot easier to read. Great work so far! [:

The layout is pretty amazing, to say the least.
I have to say, it held my attention for awhile, and I liked how it included many different races, instead of just one.
The summary is what got me interested. And the story talks about real problems that girls can face, and I appreciate that.
I'll be subscribing. (: